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23 Things To Do Instead Of Getting Engaged Before You’re 23

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As 2013 wraps up, I’ve been noticing more and more people getting engaged and/or married under the age of 23.

I get it.

It’s cold outside… you want to cuddle and talk about your feelings… life after graduation is a tough transition… so why not just cut to the chase and get married, right?  It’s hip. It’s cool. You get to wear clothing that wouldn’t normally be socially acceptable at the dive bar you frequent with the $5 beers.  Eff it. YOLO. YOMO! You only marry once…

Oh wait.

The divorce rate for young couples is more than twice the national average. Divorce is no longer a staple in a midlife crisis, but rather, something that SEVENTEEN Magazine should probably be printing on. Headlines could read,

“How to budget for your prom AND your wedding in the same year!”

“What’s HOT: Kids raising Kids.”

“Why your Mom doesn’t really know what she’s talking about.”

Because at the age of 22, I have no idea who I am, what I’m doing, and who I’ll be doing it with for the next year… let alone for the rest of my life.  And that’s awesome.

Some day, I want to get married too.  I want a floor length dress with a ton of cleavage.  I want it to be in Asia, with Ethiopian food, and a filthy scotch selection to calm my nerves when I inevitably start to panic and hyperventilate.  But WANT and NEED are two entirely different things. I NEED to develop MY dreams and MYSELF before I can truly be the type of woman you WANT to marry.

What inspired me to scribble down my feelings (so many feelings!) is The Facebook.  I’m seeing all of these notifications that “X and Y” have joined in matrimony and instantly, these waves of anxiety start to flow over me.  Should I be thinking about marriage? I’ve never even had a serious boy friend? Is there something wrong with me? WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME AND WHY HAS NO ONE TOLD ME ABOUT IT FOR ALL THESE YEARS!?

But then I look at my life, my relationships, and my future… and I realize that, I’m fucking awesome.  It literally isn’t me, it’s them.

I have begun to notice a common thread amongst all these young unions: inexperience.  Inexperience with dating, traveling, risks, higher education, career direction, SEX, solitude, religious exploration, etc… and it’s insane that I have already experienced more of the world in the last 22 years than my married peers will ever experience in their life.

I can’t help but feel like a lot of these unions are a cop-out.

It is a way for young people to hide behind a significant other instead of dealing with life’s highs and lows on their own. It’s a safety blanket. It’s an admission that the world is just too big and scary to deal with it on your own; thus, you now have someone that is legally obligated to support you till one of you dies or files for divorce.

Which could be tomorrow, because the LGTBQ community isn’t ruining the sanctity of marriage, the Kardashian family is.

If your love is truly eternal, what’s the rush? If it’s real, that person will continue to be committed to you 2 months from now, 2 years from now, and 2 decades from now. Grow, learn, travel, party, cuddle, read, explore. Do. Freaking. Something… other than “settle down” at 23 with a white picket fence.

Because you owe it to yourself.  You are a human being that deserves to thrive inside AND outside of a relationship.

We are not our parent’s generation.  I’m tired of hearing about how “my mom and dad got married young and X, Y and Z” because they were raised with a completely different set of values, priorities, and without the anxieties and adulterous risks that comes with the worldwide web.  I’m speaking directly to the Millennials.

Millennials deserve the opportunity to develop ourselves, alone.

I recognize that my opinion is not going to be popular on The Facebook… especially amongst those who fall into the “under 23” category.  I would be confused if I didn’t receive some sort of online backlash or a loss of friends on The Facebook.  Some how… I will move forward.

But in the words of my 15 year-old sister, “Sorry I’m not sorry.”

Sure.  Some days I wake up and stare at my ceiling thinking: “I’m single as fuck.”  But then I realize that those friends are going to get knocked up and fat soon sssoooo in retrospect, who really is winning here? I’m in China. I’m having the best time of my life. I am responsible for my own happiness.

Please enjoy these 23 things to do instead of getting engaged before you’re 23.

1. Get a passport.

2. Find your “thing.”

3. Make out with a stranger.

4. Adopt a pet.

5. Start a band.

6. Make a cake. Make a second cake. Have your cake and eat it too.

7. Get a tattoo. It’s more permanent than a marriage.

8. Explore a new religion.

9. Start a small business.

10.Cut your hair.

11. Date two people at once and see how long it takes to blow up in your face.

12. Build something with your hands.

13. Accomplish a Pinterest project.

14. Join the Peace Corps.

15. Disappoint your parents.

16. Watch GIRLS, over and over again.

17. Eat a jar of Nutella in one sitting.

18. Make strangers feel uncomfortable in public places.

19. Sign up for CrossFit.

20. Hangout naked in front of a window.

21. Write your feelings down in a blog.

22. Be selfish.

23. Come with me to the Philippines for Chinese New Year.

… because at the end of the day, I just gotta wander onwards. Wishing everyone whiskey and wanderlust during the holidays.


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  • Helen

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  • Andrea

    This was awesome. Everyone has a right to their opinion but those who got angry over mere words obviously missed the entire point of them. Marriage is one of many experiences to have in a lifetime but regardless of how understanding and supportive your spouse is there are a million and one experiences that will never happen being married by age 23 and especially if you bring kids into the equation.

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  • shalmali


    I am an avid follower of your blog. I started recently so just came across your above write up.

    Ofcourse, every one is entitled to their own opinions, so I would love to give my opinions on the topic.

    I of the stats, ‘married under 23’. I absolutely think you are right about how u need to grow, learn, travel,etc. But I think marriage doesnt stop you from any of the above things. Yes, def, from casual sex, (sometimes not.even that) but other than that, u still continue to grow and learn and thrive, along with learning other soft compassion, understanding and forgiveness. u just do it with the person you love.

    Each ones life is their own. In a healthy marriage, thats not lost. No matter what that age. Each person gets married for a.different reason. If your significant other is the kind who is going to encourage your dreams, and let you live your life in the way you want, you have hit jackpot. But if u r unfortunately the other kind, well then, im sorry for the loss of your life.

    I dont think, marriage should stop you from becoming who you really are, and that shouldn’t push your spouse away. If it does, the love wasn’t real to begin with.

    In short, there is no generalizations as to why people get married young and if its the right thing to do. As it migjt be the exact thing for the two people involved.

    Your blog posts r always fun to read. Enjoy your stay in China.


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  • katie shay

    I love this. I’m 27 years old. I’ve been married for nearly 5 months. I am so frickin’ glad that I did the majority of these things before I got married. I got this link from your article on being a who’re because of #3. I did #3, and I’ve never been paid for sex either. 🙂 I think it’s extremely important to do something out of character. You can’t do that kind of thing (depending on the nature of your relationship) after you’re married. I dont regret any of it. My husband knows every crazy thing that I’ve done. If he had judged me for any of it, I wouldn’t have married him. So, thanks for posting this.

  • Adrian Artiles

    I’m currently living in a foreign country studying medicine married to my wife who happens to be a nurse. we are both under 23. Then again, I guess we aren’t the normal 22 year olds either…lol anyways, interesting article.

  • VIP

    I love this article! Don’t mind the people who are close minded to say that you’re immature, it hits the right points! You are entitled to an opinion, and the way the “married” got defensive is so hilarious! Keep posting!

  • I’m 23 and unmarried with no desire to rush into marriage in the near future, but I disagree with you. Everybody is different. I understand the divorce rate is high, but that had more to do with the selfishness of our generation than anything else. Isn’t that the reason you wrote this? The 23 reasons you gave are all about YOU. I, personally, have done most of your checklist things and the rest don’t appeal to me. I don’t feel more accomplished than my young married counterparts. Some people are ready to marry young. Some people are not. The reason my grandmother’s marriage lasted until death do we part is because they nurtured and cherished their relationship. They had hard times, but they didn’t give up. I know people who get married at 30 who aren’t that mature. I have several family members around my age that got married young and still love and respect their partner. I just haven’t met “that guy” yet. I may never meet him. The real reason to get married whether young or old is love not selfishness. Your reasons may work for you, but don’t place others in your box based on your limited experiences.

  • Ralph Ferdinand

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  • Lenny

    You’re fucking awesome. All of these people are getting so defensive it’s hilarious. This is just your opinion. They happen to disagree, but I personally think you’re right. I mean, I know you’re not speaking for EVERYONE, but you definitely hit on some great points, which is why people are getting on your case about it. I love being on my own, doing what I want, and not caring about anything. I don’t want this forever, but for now, this is me; this is what I think is the best situation. You also expressed moments of panic about being single, and of course, people just glossed over that, as though you are some kind of idiot who only cares about bringing people who got married before 23 down. I can’t believe how backwards it is that people can blast their happiness on getting married young, but when you speak out about remaining single, everyone freaks out.

    • Lenny

      Correction: I care about a lot. Too much sometimes. I know that it’s my time to explore and figure out what is most valuable to me. I felt like it was taking me so long compared to many people who are getting married and seem to have to have it all perfectly aligned. Thank you for writing this because I felt supported in my goals. I don’t think you were trying to bring anyone down, just because you poked a little fun at people.

  • Reblogged this on Transcend… and commented:
    When things get a little hectic, the cup looks half empty, remember you are on your way.

  • Victoria

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  • Lauren

    I want to start by saying that do not feel you are entirely wrong. However, I completely disagree with your reasoning behind your arguments and the rude manner in which you are tackling them. I am 20 and have been with my boyfriend for 5 years. Shortly after finishing college, we intend to marry. What works for some will not work for others.
    Also, one popular misconception people have that really annoys me is the following:
    Your opinion: “What’s HOT: Kids raising Kids.”
    Fact: Teen pregnancy rates have been dropping for several decades. Look into it.

    Now, regarding the rest of your arguments…

    “I’m seeing all of these notifications that “X and Y” have joined in matrimony and instantly, these waves of anxiety start to flow over me”
    Why is it that others getting married causes YOU anxiety? I don’t understand that.

    “But then I look at my life, my relationships, and my future… and I realize that, I’m fucking awesome. It literally isn’t me, it’s them.”
    Of course it is them, it is their marriage. Why on earth would it have anything to do with you? If marriage at a young age were the norm, perhaps you should be concerned. Why is it that you feel the need to degrade the choices of other individuals?

    “I can’t help but feel like a lot of these unions are a cop-out.”
    Are they reckless? Probably. Crazy? Maybe. But using marriage as a cop-out? Come on.

    “But then I realize that those friends are going to get knocked up and fat soon sssoooo in retrospect, who really is winning here?”
    I understand this was meant lightly. But based off of your entire post, it seems that you are insecure and over compensating. These people getting married are not trying to compete with you in any way. They could give a damn if you think you have “won” some form of better life choice award. This may blow your mind, but commitment does not have to be the end of your independence. You can explore your individuality in a relationship. If you can’t, you’re probably not doing it right. Those are the people that should not be marrying young.

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  • Audrey

    considering it used to be normal to be married at age 17 I would say 23 is an improvement. I did many of the things on your list by the time I was mmm probably 19 (minus the degrading completely self destructive ones) and met the love of my life, got engaged, travelled all over, got my BFA, and will be married at 24. Now I have so much more to accomplish, and having someone else in my life isn’t a burden. If you ask me, the problem with this generation is selfishness, which is why the divorce rate is so high. It’s probably better to try and experience selfless love by the age of 23.

    • Lauren

      I completely agree with you, well said.

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  • Erin

    I truly love this-it’s not a shaming of people who choose to get married young, but rather the writer’s testimony of why it’s not for her, and why she thinks that most people at 23 need to do a lot more self-discovery without worrying about a lifetime attachment to another person (and most, not all, but MOST 23 years olds do). It’s a testament to living while your young and not jumping into a lifelong commitment without knowing who you truly are yet, something that should be appaluded

  • Victoria

    You are fucking awesome. Literally so awesome. I go to Ole Miss, home of the MRS degrees, i am in a sorority. All the girls here are on a massive man hunt. I want to travel the world. I want to live, not merely exist. Being single sucks sometimes, but what sucks even more is being in a relationship that holds you back from seeing the world and self discovery. The people above saying they pity you,…. i pity them for being so closed minded that they can’t realize that this is your opinion and you are entitled to it. Keep doing you, because you’re doing a hell of a lot more than most girls our age.

  • Ashley

    I sincerely pitty you… You poor thing. It’s probably healthiest for you to not get married until you truly understand what joys life and marriage can bring you anyways. Cleavage and a long dress isn’t the best part… Sad. Really.

  • Ash

    A very ignorant and immature article. I did not get married at the age of 21 because I decided that I just really wanted to get married. Your idea of marriage completely takes out the love, sacrifice, and sacredness of it all. Please excuse my “inexperience” as surely I can never be as mature or smart as you if I don’t visit as many countries. Disregard my clear need just to cuddle as I tell you what marriage is, since you clearly have it wrong. Marriage is not the long white dress. It’s not a white picket fence. It’s not the end of your dreams and ambitions. It’s not the end of your education. It’s not the end of your life. Your views on marriage represent why there is a growing divorce rate. I’ve never heard such selfish views before. Marriage is not about you. Marriage is about your best friend, someone you would cut your own arm off for. You don’t say ‘I do’ because you’re thinking about how this person can add so much to your life experiences. You don’t join someone in holy matrimony because you’re all done “discovering yourself” and don’t need anything else out of life. You marry someone because you can’t live without them, and while you know that person will bless your life more than you’ll ever know…you care more about how you can bless his/her life. You marry someone when you have found the person you want to continue growing and discovering the world with. Hopefully by now you have figured out why you sound selfish and immature. It’s not, what can this marriage do for me? It is what can I do for this marriage? How can I make this person happier every day?

    Sorry if my comment is muddled at all. I was insulted by your article.

    Oh, and I also have a perfect baby boy…yes I am 23 years old. I live a life full of more love and happiness than you could ever imagine. Someday you’ll meet your future husband and then you’ll understand.

  • Sasha

    Im 16 and i despise this article. Its seems that whoever wrote this is so shallow. Cant you mature up a bit? Besides, i dont see how being engaged at 23 is such a big problem.

    • Ellingwood

      Good for you. You have a good head on your shoulders!

  • Janelle

    Here I am, just having dropped my husband off at school.
    Reading everything on this list…I would MUCH rather be married than off “making out with strangers,” marriage is the most gratifying experience of my life.
    I would rather be at home each night talking and laughing with my husband than across the ocean in some foreign land by myself. NOTHING compares to marriage. It is the best thing that has ever happened. While you may have an opinion (as do I obviously), don;t lay the, “I’m right, you’re wrong game.” Maybe a, this is what I am doing before marriage…but come on, we can;t all be robots who do the same stuff and get married at 25..come on..

    • Ellingwood

      I was engaged at 19 and married at 20 and I can honestly say nothing is better than being married to your other half! This article was written by someone who thinks they have all the answers and think they have lived or will live more than the married person. Let me honestly say I lived my own life before I got married… but I didn’t REALLY live and love life as much until I got married. It helps being with a good man

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  • Sarah

    THANK YOU. I have friends who are engaged at 18, and they totally fit the bill of “inexperienced”. So many people don’t realize that there’s more to life than a significant other.

    And even though life doesn’t end when you get married, it sure as hell changes. Responsibilities and expectations change, and it’s so important to experience solitude and learn about yourself–you need to live your own life before you attempt to live life with another.

    Yes, you can have significant life experiences while married, but experiencing these alone is so drastically different.

    And the justification of “if he’s the one, why wait”? If he’s really “the one”, why not wait? Wait until you are both secure in who you are as individuals.

    I’m not rejecting young marriage as a whole, its good for some people. But from what I’ve seen, it can’t hurt to give the relationship some time. Especially if you’re 18.

    Thank you for your perspective, this is a great article!

    • Annabelle

      I completely agree! Too many young people dive into marriage at a young age because they think it will make things easier, but marriage is NOT the solution to your personal problems. You should deal with these on your own because a relationship will just complicate it–not only will you have your own needs to take care of, but you suddenly have your spouse’s need to take into consideration. If you’re getting married for the right reasons and are secure in yourself, then I think that’s fine. But a lot of people just don’t know what they’re getting into.

    • Ellingwood

      I respectfully disagree. I was engaged at 19 and married at 20. My guy and I were together for 4 years before we got married. We knew that this was it and that there was no one else out there for us. It was a mutual understanding. Getting married does NOT mean you won’t get to experience anything anymore. It just means now you have someone by your side to experience these things with.
      I am not against people who want to wait until they are older to be married and who want to experience things on their own first. That fits YOU however, not everyone is meant to lead that life. I am happier now being married to the love of my life and going on adventures WITH him than I was before we got married. He is my other half and life is so much more fun with him. Marriage is not perfect. It’s a lot of work. but it is worth it!

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  • Lisa

    This is a really stupid post. Cheers.

  • Kaitlyn

    This is clearly written by a 16 year old who knows nothing about life or love. Someone who is so extremely immature and still needs time to grow up.

    • Ellingwood


    • You clearly missed the entire point of the article, which is that she needs to grow up before she can settle down and get engaged. It’s hilarious to see all of these people in their early 20’s (if even that) saying that they’ve found the one and they’re going to get married. GROW UP. Learn who you are as an independent adult before you tie yourself to another person. Speaking as someone who is in their mid 20’s and still is changing each and every day, you are not going to be the same person you are when you were 18, 19, 20, 21, or 22. You aregoing to change and grow every single year and what happens when your significant other doesn’t like the person that you’ve turned into? What Vanessa is saying is WAIT to be the person you’re supposed to be. Discover yourself.

      If you think that’s immature than you’re probably one of those girls who’s 19 and engaged and believes that you both are TOTALLY ready for marriage. Because I”m sure you’ve dealt with life in the real world…

      • Aubree

        I do not believe this article is true at all nor what you are saying. I got married at 21 and am now 27. Yes it is true that you do change as a person especially during your 20s but if you are with someone that you are going to spend the rest of your life with, who is your other half and you knew that deep down inside when you got married than you guys will grow together as a couple. Its immature relationships that make you grow apart and being young and in love does not qualify as an immature relationship. You could be 50 years old getting married and your relationship is not mature enough to last so who are you to tell someone that finding their true love and getting married before 23 is BS and they need to grow up. I am sorry to hear that you obviously have not found your soul mate but that doesn’t mean just because you haven’t found yours and your in your mid twenties that people younger than you haven’t either. You can’t force love, love just happens and you DEFINITELY can not control what age you find it.

  • Honey, from one expat to another, you are the most ignorant of them ALL and your age reflects it. Sit your ass down and let me educate you and what’s up. Here’s 23 things really happening at 23.

  • Skyla

    Wow, the amount of under 23’s I know who have been married and still do everything and anything they want. Marriage doesn’t stop your dreams, it doesn’t stop you visiting the world, it doesn’t stop you experiencing life. Get over yourself.
    I’m not married, It’s not in my future any time soon. However, I do believe when you meet the RIGHT person who you fall IN LOVE with then why bother waiting? Get married.
    You can still travel. You can still have major life experiences. Your life can still go on. Unless you choose to stop it and just saying there are plenty of SINGLES out there who never want to travel, who have already SETTLED down with themselves.

    Relationship status, age, love none of these things actually determine how you life or dream are going to pan out. It’s up to the individual to keep their dreams alive whether married or not!

    Such an ignorant blog.

  • Sydney!

    I love it!! If you disagree there’s plenty of other articles out there for you to read!

  • Samantha

    1. Get a passport. – Really? your childhood was pretty boring, I have three passports and lived in 4 different places!

    2. Find your “thing.” – I found him, yes my husband, my lover, my friend, my other half… just wait until you find him, if you you do…

    3. Make out with a stranger. – I had done that so many times in the past its disgusting and its not gratifying!

    4. Adopt a pet. – I did! with him… it’s our baby! and my parents think they are grandparents which is great, because that will keep them busy while we enjoy our young marriage!

    5. Start a band.- Never did never will play an instrument!

    6. Make a cake. Make a second cake. Have your cake and eat it too.
    I love doing that and surprising him, even though I am a terrible cook! On the other hand, he is amazing!

    7. Get a tattoo. It’s more permanent than a marriage. – I already have 5 of them… One before getting married and the rest after!

    8. Explore a new religion. – You do that in college, not after college! grow up already!

    9. Start a small business. – We both did… he is on doing his personal training and I am trying to change my father’s print shop into something amazing! oh yes, and he is helping me and supporting me!

    10.Cut your hair. – Why is this important before getting married? even though I obviously did 23 other times before getting married….

    11. Date two people at once and see how long it takes to blow up in your face. – How about three people at them same time? What a whore right? it was fun, but I’ll pass…

    12. Build something with your hands. – You mean like take a ceramics class? (I took a class in college), but I can’t wait to take one with him! it could be so aphrodisiac when you do it together! LET ME TELL YOU!

    13. Accomplish a Pinterest project. – We did, our new home is full of pinterest ideas! it’s so cool!

    14. Join the Peace Corps. – No thank you.

    15. Disappoint your parents. – hahahaaha no more please! I did that every weekend since I turned 16! 7 years of fighting and yelling and sneaking out… not worth it! at the end they are the ones who will help you with your wedding, with your kids, they are your one true friends!

    16. Watch GIRLS, over and over again. – Still do.

    17. Eat a jar of Nutella in one sitting. – Still do.

    18. Make strangers feel uncomfortable in public places. – Still do. and with him is hilarious!

    19. Sign up for CrossFit. – Ew, my husband is a personal trainer! i have enough of sweaty bodies during the day… how about Vixen workout, zumba or pole dancing?

    20. Hangout naked in front of a window. Still do.

    21. Write your feelings down in a blog. Never did, never will… that is why we got married because we can talk about anything together.

    22. Be selfish. – Still am!

    23. Come with me to the Philippines for Chinese New Year. – That sounds like a good plan, but right now we are planning our eurotrip for this spring, so good luck my friend and stop being a hater! You will one day find your one!

    • Renee Robertson

      i love your response. The fact that you showed you can include your husband in all 23 facts. I don’t know what made the writer so closed minded towards marriage but those are no reason to postpone getting married. .

    • Leslie Paige

      Everybody has their opinion, it just so happens that I find hers more to my way of thinking, and you have expressed yours in a way that brings her down. There are ways to express yourself without hating on other peoples opinions. So when I find my other half, and it may be next year or next week, I’ll remember what you’ve said about the subject, but until then I’ll continue to disagree with you.

      • Ash

        She expressed her opinion in such a way that it brings down everyone who has been engaged before the age of 23. Some comments may be forceful replies, but just because she essentially called a large group dumb and unable to live a full life.

  • ferguson

    My name is ferguson, I almost took my life because of my ex who left me and stop picking my calls. she said she do not trust me anymore, I tried to convince her, but she will not believe me until we had a fight and broke up for 10months, after then I realize I can not live without her because of the love I have for her. I tried everything possible to get her back, but none worked for me, some fake spell casters scammed me and went away with my money until I came across this man called Dr Eziza, he cast a spell for me and behold my ex came back after 48 hours , begging me for forgiveness, I was so surprised that spell caster like Dr Eziza still exist. If anyone here needs some help, with all sincerity, contact Dr Eziza via his or +2348058176289

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  • michele

    Hello to the world at large I want to share my testimony to you all which i believe you can still try your best to give a testimony like this so i was married to morphy at first will both love each other but short time he started a new behavior which i cannot even explain to any one then i keep it to my self hopping one day he will change for good no way he did not change so i was in pain every day don`t no what to do on till one day when a friend of mine visited me in my office she met me crying then she was asking me what is going on i try to be cam but i could not then i open up to her telling me there is a way out which i will do before he left me with my kids i look up and not knowing what to do then i ask her to tell me. shortly she open up to me and say there is a man called agadaga he is a spirit man he can do it with in three days then i look an said okay i will try my best to contact him four days later, my husband did not come home i called his phone switch off then i try my possible best i did not hear from him so i began to look for one way for a help so i remember my friend told me about one man called agadaga i quickly run to my friend asking her if she still have Dr.agadaga contact then she gave it to me that was how i contacted this great man of spirit he did it for me so quick so now i can now control my husband in any thing even i can tell him that i don`t want him outside today he will not. Now i have a happy family so via email

    • this is one of the most ignorant, biased articles I’ve ever read. Very generalizing and quick to assume about other peoples’ lives.

      • Kylie

        I completely agree. When and if you really, fully love someone and decide to get married, it’s not an end. You can still do anything you want while your married. Also, marriage doesn’t mean that kids have to come right away. People can travel, have my cake and eat it too and tons of other stuff while their married. Marriage isn’t supposed to tie you down but it’s supposed to make you open to a whole other world. A world that can be shared by two. This article puts everybody’s relationship in the same category and while there are some couples like this, mine is not one. I am not subject to a routine because I’m engaged. We travel, have fun and have a cuddle buddy at night. There is nothing wrong with that.

      • Ashley

        I agree as well. I am 23 now and I am not engaged, married, or otherwise. I have a wonderful boyfriend who I have known for two years. When we have talked about getting MARRIED, it was a mutual agreement to wait until we graduate college. Why? Because then we don’t have to worry about the stresses of college and the stress of a wedding. However, people can be engaged for a while without having to get married right after. The wonderful thing about marriage is being able to share all of these experiences with someone else. The way you’re talking is that everyone who gets engaged young is doomed to fail. That’s simply not true. The reason a lot of these young relationships fail is because of the reasons they CHOOSE to get married. People are inevitably in love with the idea of love. They think marriage will fix every problem they have ever had and they will somehow find eternal happiness. Young girls these days want the wedding. They want the dress, the attention, the ring… Everything. They are in love with the idea of forever and usually jump at the first person that offers it to them. This is a very dangerous decision!! I completely agree with that point. These people are hardly taking any time to set up their futures and really get to know the other person. However, you should scoff at those who get married for the right reasons. Some, granted not all, couples have the complete emotional and financial maturity to get married.Those are usually the people who have dated for over a year AT LEAST, have communicated a lot in whether it’s best to get engaged/married at the time, and have made the decision accordingly. My boyfriend and I do not drink, party, or any of that other stuff you mentioned. And you know what, I’M COMPLETELY HAPPY WITH THAT. I know who I am and what I want to me; AND have worked very hard to get there! I support his dreams and he supports mine. WE RESPECT EACH OTHER. THAT is why our relationship works. We have learned that being a grown up is really stinkin hard. And as you so eloquently put it, we have moved forward. Yes, one should absolutely find themselves and who they are before settling down with someone else. Why again? Because it’s not their job to figure it out for you. You should be able to be happy on your own and with them. If that takes some people longer: GREAT! If they can figure it out in their early 20’s: FAN-BLOODY-TASTIC! But living doesn’t just mean doing a whole lot of stupid or non-stupid stuff before you’re tied down to someone until your inevitable doom. It means doing the things that make you happy. And if that one guy/girl does that: THEN DO WHAT YOU FEEL IS RIGHT WHEN IT’S THE RIGHT TIME FOR YOU!!

      • Joanna

        She’s young, ignorant, and can’t find the right guy. So she writes a ridiculous list and ridicules all married people. I married at 23, my husband and I travelled to France, Italy, Germany, UK…after we had our kids we still managed to travel to Thailand, East Malaysia, Philippines. Husband went to Japan and India! We have three beautiful children and we’re living life!!!!
        Her list consists of breaking your parents heart? Having two relationships simultaneously? Making out with a complete stranger? Her statement “get a tattoo, it’s more permanent then a marriage” shows that her view towards marriage is already tainted…
        Well. I guess if you have that kind of moral standards, then go right ahead!!! If you found the right one, age is not the question.

  • Here are a few reasons why I think this is bullshit:

    1. I think you might be confusing solitude with self-righteousness.
    2. The natural necessity that is human connection is most definitely not a “cop-out” because all of those experiences that you’re claiming are “owed” to our generation could be enriched entirely by doing them with someone you love (no different than if you traveled with your best friend, or started a small business with your sister).
    3. The sanctity of marriage is defined solely by those within each individual marriage. The fact that marriages have taken place in history under less than magical circumstances will not be a factor in my decision to do so in the future.
    4. Believing that true, long-lasting love has prerequisites is exactly why you’re not in it. Damn near everyone everywhere will say on their deathbed that they wished they had done more, loved more freely, judged less, was more open-minded ect.
    5. The amount of preachy nonsense up there tells me that you know a lot more about who you are than you’re letting on. We, as humans, are changing constantly; no one every really knows who they are. Who is really doing the coping out?
    6. Getting a tattoo removed and divorcing are comparatively equal in difficulty and have similar success rates so, no, getting a tattoo is not so definitively more permanent than a marriage.

  • Zara

    Dear Wander Onwards,

    I get what you’re trying to say, just like every other fucking blog out there, written by people in their 20s who think they know everything, Maybe wait till you’re in your 30s to start giving advice to 20 year olds. We trust advice from those who have lived it, not those living it, or wanting trying to live it (which you so desperately are), maybe hold off and see if these things will add to your live before you verbally dispose of it of the internet.

    Also, though some of the things you suggest are fun, some are just mean and not very agape in my opinion. Date two people at the same time, most 20 year old are selfish enough, so encouraging them to be even more selfish and less considerate of other people’s feelings is terrible advice. You also plainly state, ‘be selfish’, surely society is already rapidly moving towards a state of self importance and lack of humility for others, especially with everything becoming instant, we have no patience and time for those who are different. There are other points that I thoroughly disagree with, but I won’t tear your whole post to shreds.

    I just though I should let you know that, what you’re saying is generic, boring and anyone with half a brain will take caution in heeding your so called advice. Also, most of the things on your list, aren’t anything special, it’s not exactly a bucket list and if it’s not exciting, intriguing, spiritually or intellectually beneficial, then why write about it. I don’t think watching ‘Girls’ will make be a more wholesome member of the world.

    I suggest you stop thinking of yourself as the center of the universe and that your word is to be heard. Do a bit of growing up, learn things and then you can infect the internet with your thoughts of what YOU consider to be the best way to spend your 20’s. I’m sure we all can’t wait what else you have to say.


    p.s. I’m 24 FYI.

  • Jen

    Well, for starters, marriage itself is nothing magical. It’s just a piece of paper that grants certain legal rights to the persons listed therein. I’m guessing you’re more bothered by the idea of a long-term relationship.

    As you’ve never had a long-term relationship, let me cue you in on something: a successful relationship isn’t measured by what you get out of it. It’s what you put into it that matters. You’re entirely focused on the goal (“I want a boyfriend”) and not the journey (“How do I become the kind of person men want to be with in the long-term?”).You have to bring something to the table that they can’t easily get anywhere else (haaa, women/kitchen pun).

    No relationship is an “end.” Human being are not static creatures. We are constantly growing and changing. A life partner is simply someone who consistently challenges you to be better, one with whom you enjoy certain privileges (sex being one). For claiming to be so full of worldly wisdom, you sure have a narrow view of relationships. (What about polyamorous?)

    Also, there’s a big problem in our society with bashing women who pass on their genes. No, you will not get “fat” if you take care of yourself. Or are you specifically referencing the process of growing another human being as disgusting and worthless? Because if so, I hate to break it to you, but that’s how our species exists, honey.

    On a related note, if you have a vagina, you should be doing Kegels daily whether you ever intend to have a child or not. My point here is that there is that, yes, a woman’s body changes when she has a baby. But, interestingly enough, all of our bodies change! It’s kind of part of aging. And there is nothing worth having that you will lose forever by having a child.

    Finally, I leave you on this note: if one truly loves oneself, they
    have no need to bring others down to feel better about themselves.

  • des

    Im soon to be 24, married going on 2 years, mother of a one yr old, college student/homemaker. I have done a lot of things on that list before and during my marriage. Getting a passport can be done by almost anyone at anytime. I baked alot before I started back to college, i ate nutella while pregnant, I’ve done alot. Dont get why you feel you can’t do those things with a husband…my hubby is my best friend and I’ve enjoyed things more with him than I did alone. I wouldn’t consider those valid reasons to not get married. Plus a jar of nutella in one sitting would probably put on more pounds than getting knocked up. In fact, I know it will. This would probably be a good article if you have lived both lives. Don’t knock it until you try it. I think kids are more of a precious gift than youth is.

  • Married with experience

    I am 22, Married, and done nearly all of these things ( a couple of them I seriously regret). The only thing I have not done, that I would have the remotest interest in doing, would be joining the peace corp. You got me there. The problem with this post is not your life plan, but your arrogance in assuming everyone else who isn’t doing what you are doing has it wrong. The problem isn’t them and their lifestyle, or your lifestyle for that matter. Rather, it is the fact that you are too concerned about yourself in relation to them. Be happy with who you are, and be happy for them that they are who they are. To be comfortable with yourself, and realize that you are, as you say, fucking awesome, does not mean that you have to put them down.

    Just some food for your thoughts.

    Being married also doesn’t mean you have to give up traveling or experiencing new things. You just have to marry someone with the same goals. Having kids doesn’t either for that matter. You just have to be good at planning, and then you have a group of people with whom you have made lasting and bonding memories.

  • Mary jane

    Hello to every one out here, am here to share the unexpected miracle that happened to me three days ago, I came across a post online talking about how she got her ex back to her with the help of the great spell caster who happens to be high Dr Odudu that he helped her though i never believe this because i was just wondering how could this be, but i gave my self hope and i contact the spell caster. this is the unbelievable that has happened to me this December I was happily married and we had three kids, we lived together as one because we both loved each other but before i knew it, my husband started acting funny and cheating on me later on, he told me that he cannot continue with me so that was how he left me and my three kids without nothing but there was nothing i could do to stop him or bring him back to me I work so had to pay the children’s schools fee and other responsibility i did this for good five years. I cry all day and night because i don’t know what else to do to have my husband back to me until this faithful day i saw the post from one Miss Mary Jane Walker testifying how the high priest helped her to get her ex back I just wanted to try my luck because i never believe it will work but to my greatest surprise, am singing a new song i contacted the great priest on 2nd of December and he told me not to worry because once he finish caster the spell, that i will get my husband back the unbelievable happened on Friday when i got a call and I was surprise to hear my husbands voice apologizing to me that he is so sorry for keeping alone and came back home and we are happy together again wow, i really appreciate your good work great Dr Odudu God bless you and your good work for there is nothing else i can say than to tell the world about you. So if any one is out here seeing this post and you have similar issue like this, worry no more and contact the only man that can help you this, or call +234-706721-7903.

  • Emily Bosh

    I’m a married woman living happily with three kids and a lovely husband.But wasn’t always a bed full of roses for me.I was once married to a man before meeting my present husband.I was compelled to marry my ex husband because my family wanted me to marry a high society man like my dad claimed to be.I never loved him but maybe he did love me but forcing it on someone only pushes the person further away.The love of my life was separated from me because my parents said they were just ordinary in order word he had no money and power.I was always in contact with the love of life but having a relationship with him wasn’t possible because i was married but the more i went further from the love of my life the greater the love i felt from him.when my husband discovered that i was still keeping in touch with the love of my life he did alot of things that i can not start talking about.I asked for a divorce and he refused because of the situation that was at hand.After a long while of misery and torments i found a spell caster named BANOJO online through some comment on how i got my husband out of my life.I contacted the spell caster and told him my problems.He gave me a list of materials to buy which i later sent to him in order for him to make the spell.Since then my life has turned around and all my problems has been solved.So if you have that same problem or a similar one you can contact him via email at baba.banojo@outlook .com .Good luck as you do so.

  • happy wife

    I am married at 22 in 2012 and 20 days later traveled south america, central america and eastern africa with my husband for a year. IT WAS AWESOME because its like you are traveling with your best friend except you get the sex …just saying. This article is lame :b

  • cynthia jerry

    My Name is Cynthia Jerry i have a testimony to say; I have been married for five years without any child, nor pregnancy and so i became very sad and lost hope in life because my doctor told me there is no way for me to get pregnant and this really make life so hard for me and this made my husband to turn away from me. My sister in-law told me about DR ASOKA from the Internet, how he has helped people with this similar problem that i am going through so i contacted him and explained to him. He told me not to worry and that everything we soon be okay. He cast a spell and it was a miracle, to my greatest surprise three days later my husband came back to apologize for all he has done and told me he is fully ready to support me in any thing i want,few months later i got pregnant and gave birth to twins (girls) we are now a happy family. Thanks to DR ASOKA for saving my relationship and for also helping others too. continue your good work, If you are interested to contact DR ASOKA for your solution now EMAIL him at ( drasokasolutionhome@gmail . com) for any help you want him to do for you. Thank you Great DR. once again and may your gods reward you for your good deeds.

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