23 Things To Do Instead Of Getting Engaged Before You’re 23
As 2013 wraps up, I’ve been noticing more and more people getting engaged and/or married under the age of 23.
I get it.
It’s cold outside… you want to cuddle and talk about your feelings… life after graduation is a tough transition… so why not just cut to the chase and get married, right? It’s hip. It’s cool. You get to wear clothing that wouldn’t normally be socially acceptable at the dive bar you frequent with the $5 beers. Eff it. YOLO. YOMO! You only marry once…
Oh wait.
The divorce rate for young couples is more than twice the national average. Divorce is no longer a staple in a midlife crisis, but rather, something that SEVENTEEN Magazine should probably be printing on. Headlines could read,
“How to budget for your prom AND your wedding in the same year!”
“What’s HOT: Kids raising Kids.”
“Why your Mom doesn’t really know what she’s talking about.”
Because at the age of 22, I have no idea who I am, what I’m doing, and who I’ll be doing it with for the next year… let alone for the rest of my life. And that’s awesome.
Some day, I want to get married too. I want a floor length dress with a ton of cleavage. I want it to be in Asia, with Ethiopian food, and a filthy scotch selection to calm my nerves when I inevitably start to panic and hyperventilate. But WANT and NEED are two entirely different things. I NEED to develop MY dreams and MYSELF before I can truly be the type of woman you WANT to marry.
What inspired me to scribble down my feelings (so many feelings!) is The Facebook. I’m seeing all of these notifications that “X and Y” have joined in matrimony and instantly, these waves of anxiety start to flow over me. Should I be thinking about marriage? I’ve never even had a serious boy friend? Is there something wrong with me? WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME AND WHY HAS NO ONE TOLD ME ABOUT IT FOR ALL THESE YEARS!?
But then I look at my life, my relationships, and my future… and I realize that, I’m fucking awesome. It literally isn’t me, it’s them.
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I have begun to notice a common thread amongst all these young unions: inexperience. Inexperience with dating, traveling, risks, higher education, career direction, SEX, solitude, religious exploration, etc… and it’s insane that I have already experienced more of the world in the last 22 years than my married peers will ever experience in their life.
I can’t help but feel like a lot of these unions are a cop-out.
It is a way for young people to hide behind a significant other instead of dealing with life’s highs and lows on their own. It’s a safety blanket. It’s an admission that the world is just too big and scary to deal with it on your own; thus, you now have someone that is legally obligated to support you till one of you dies or files for divorce.
Which could be tomorrow, because the LGTBQ community isn’t ruining the sanctity of marriage, the Kardashian family is.
If your love is truly eternal, what’s the rush? If it’s real, that person will continue to be committed to you 2 months from now, 2 years from now, and 2 decades from now. Grow, learn, travel, party, cuddle, read, explore. Do. Freaking. Something… other than “settle down” at 23 with a white picket fence.
Because you owe it to yourself. You are a human being that deserves to thrive inside AND outside of a relationship.
We are not our parent’s generation. I’m tired of hearing about how “my mom and dad got married young and X, Y and Z” because they were raised with a completely different set of values, priorities, and without the anxieties and adulterous risks that comes with the worldwide web. I’m speaking directly to the Millennials.
Millennials deserve the opportunity to develop ourselves, alone.
I recognize that my opinion is not going to be popular on The Facebook… especially amongst those who fall into the “under 23” category. I would be confused if I didn’t receive some sort of online backlash or a loss of friends on The Facebook. Some how… I will move forward.
But in the words of my 15 year-old sister, “Sorry I’m not sorry.”
Sure. Some days I wake up and stare at my ceiling thinking: “I’m single as fuck.” But then I realize that those friends are going to get knocked up and fat soon sssoooo in retrospect, who really is winning here? I’m in China. I’m having the best time of my life. I am responsible for my own happiness.
Please enjoy these 23 things to do instead of getting engaged before you’re 23.
1. Get a passport.
2. Find your “thing.”
3. Make out with a stranger.
4. Adopt a pet.
5. Start a band.
6. Make a cake. Make a second cake. Have your cake and eat it too.
7. Get a tattoo. It’s more permanent than a marriage.
8. Explore a new religion.
9. Start a small business.
10.Cut your hair.
11. Date two people at once and see how long it takes to blow up in your face.
12. Build something with your hands.
13. Accomplish a Pinterest project.
14. Join the Peace Corps.
15. Disappoint your parents.
16. Watch GIRLS, over and over again.
17. Eat a jar of Nutella in one sitting.
18. Make strangers feel uncomfortable in public places.
19. Sign up for CrossFit.
20. Hangout naked in front of a window.
21. Write your feelings down in a blog.
22. Be selfish.
23. Come with me to the Philippines for Chinese New Year.
… because at the end of the day, I just gotta wander onwards. Wishing everyone whiskey and wanderlust during the holidays.
XOXO V
Vanessa Wachtmeister is a travel tech professional and the creator of the wealth & wanderlust platform, Wander Onwards. Vanessa is originally from Los Angeles, California, she is a proud Chicana, and she has been living abroad for the last 9 years. Today, she helps people pursue financial and location independence through her ‘Move Abroad’ Master Class, financial literacy digital products, and career workshops.
This entire article is an example of your personal immaturity and bitterness.
Marrying young certainly isn’t for everyone. It’s probably not even for most. But marriage at 21 saved my life. It got me out of an abusive cult and put me in safety for the first time in my life. It gave me the freedom to grow and explore who I was, to try new things, explore new religions, get a tattoo, graduate college, cut my hair, hang out naked without regard to windows, travel, bake a cake and eat it too, try new hobbies, disappoint my parents, party, and so many other things. I’m celebrating my fifth anniversary this week, and it’s been the best five years of my life. Marriage didn’t make me lose my identity because we both went into the marriage with the understanding that we were separate people who would grow and learn and change along the way.
Most of the things you list aren’t things that are hindered by getting married. Some of them I don’t think anyone should be wanting to do . . . like two-timing people. Seriously? That’s your idea of a good time? That’s mean and irresponsible. Other people’s lives aren’t toys or accessories for your own.
Now if you want to have a consensual open relationship or bring an extra person in, go for it. But let me tell you a little secret: Marriage doesn’t prevent that either. 😉
I get it. You don’t want to get married at your age, and that’s totally cool. I think it’s wise and very good for you to follow your own desires rather than caving into some sort of weird social pressure that you seem to feel. I don’t want to have a baby, despite the fact that everyone is expecting me to start popping out kids. I think it would ruin my life to be a parent. I have a ton of other things I want to do instead of raising kids, and I can appreciate the pros and cons to being a child-free person just as I can appreciate the pros and cons to being a single person.
But . . . try not to make the mistake of assuming that what is good for you is also good for everyone else or that those who choose something different from you are living their lives wrong or have no lives at all.
I don’t understand why you have to act like an idiot before you get married??
Why not just be strong and do good in life rather than stupid things to make you feel like a “bad ass”. This article just spews low self esteem.
Here’s a better list:
1. Learn a new language on Memrise
2. Go help a poor person in Africa, Asia, S.America etc.
3. Go out to places on dates with people (not for sex) to find out about different personalities.
4. Volunteer at a farm
5. Volunteer at a hospital
6. Clean up a dirty beach to help marine life.
7. Sign up to a latin dance school
8. Learn to surf or body board
9. Buy the groupon deal that lets you learn zoo keeping.
10. Plant an orange/apple/whatever tree
11. Go on a hike with your mates
12. Train for a sprint triathlon
13. Bake a cake and give it to a homeless centre.
You sound like a sensible person and someone whose writings i’d like to read. So do you have like a blog or something?
I agree, because I’m getting married young, have done most of those things, have been with one girl for 5 years, and feel ready to do more of these things, not “settle down with a white picket fence”. That’s not what marriage is, and I think this article reveals a lot of misconceptions. Yeah marriage is not for most young people. I see a lot of people getting married and know it will be over in a few years. Because people will always get mixed up at a young age, problems inevitably occur. But making such large generalizations and not accounting for adventure for the bettering of self and of others while married is just silly.
Thank you! Getting ready for marriage and the rest of your life is not equated with making regrettable decisions. And downplaying the joy and journey of becoming a parent and saying friends will just be fat is ridiculous and the author should be ashamed of herself. Suggesting that the non-married population of young people use their time to “make out with strangers” and “date two guys at once” can be detrimental to a woman’s health, self-esteem, and what could have otherwise been flourishing relationships (even if just platonic). Why advocate hurting other people? How does this make someone grow up? I completely agree Arya’s list. What brilliant contributions not only to yourself but society. The author talks about finding yourself before you get married and I could not agree more. But what about disappointing people and hurting people is moving towards a positive future? And for those who feel like they have found that special someone, why not explore the world and yourself with that person? Go out and volunteer together! Or go to a foreign country and experience the culture with the one your love? Yes, I agree that you should never rush into marriage. Get to know your partner first. Get to know yourself first. But never throw away a great relationship because someone tells you that you should make out with strangers first. Just think through your decisions and enjoy life. Experience and absorb as much as you can and love. Love hard. Life is short and opportunities are fleeting.
I think this is brilliant! Truly inspires me to be different and actually live, not become what is expected of me!
What a crap list.
Why don’t you just say:
1. Be a shlag
2. Become a disappointment
3. Start up projects born to fail
4. Do some more failing
I doubt many people will follow this list with the poor mentality it was written with.
She’s not telling you to do these things, basically to just build your own dreams and dream big. Don’t focus if you can or cannot do it. Focus on the goal. Only you set your own limits so why wouldn’t you set your limit to the sky? I totally understand her because all my friends and high school friends are getting married and I feel like I am so behind on life. But I have to sit back and realize that I have so much I need and want to do with my life before I wanna settle down and be married and pop a couple kids out and ruin my vajayjay forever.
From experience, girls ruin their vajajays more by following advice like: “Sleep with 2+ guys”. Woman should have strong self esteem and not make themselves easy and worthless.
Also, why should life stop once you get married and have kids? My parents took us on the best journeys of all our lives and we still talk about those days TODAY! 🙂
I believe that life can be awesome at any stage and shouldn’t be extreme…just a naturally maintained high.
If your feeling like getting married is going to ruin your life then.. don’t get married. Marriage is a partnership and your partner is not there for any other reanson than to make your life easier and more enjoyable. If you don’t have a partner then you don’t really have a marriage. Also, who said that you have to have kids once your married. I’m not having any and I’m happily married. I have also had way more time, money, and fun in my life since marrying and its because my partner and I compliment eachother and share similar goals. It is also blarigly obvious that the woman who wrote this article is coming from a place of extreme privledge. Not everyone can just trot off to China and not worry about how to feed themselves the next day. Plus I am in total agrement that sleeping with random men and hurting others intentionally are nothing to be proud about.
Life is about failing… It’s what you do once you have failed… and if you have not failed before you are 23… you really do need to pick up a bag, put some shit in it, walk out the door and just get lost in the world
What I find strange is that you’re demeaning women by calling them ‘worthless’ for doing things that makes them a ‘shlag’. If you’re not doing it, is it any of your business? Let people do what they want, and if you wouldn’t do it, then fine, but to determine a woman’s worth in how many people she sleeps with is rather sexist and a very repressive mindset, to be honest. The poor mindset here seems to be yours.
Yeah, they are worthless and I stand by that. In today’s pop culture woman are influenced and make it look ok to sleep with as many men as possible. If there were no such thing as protection, I’d say around 70% female population would be single mums!!
Women should have higher self esteems and save themselves for WORTHY & STRONG men – end of.
Side point, this is the one thing I believe Irish-British travellers do better than the rest of UK & US. The girls save themselves for ONE GUY and one guy only.
I actually completely agree with you. Date two guys at once? Who wrote this?
Or after a couple of years you might ask yourself what’s going to happen with your life and what are you going to leave behind when you die. When you find the right person you might just want to keep him or her near you for the rest of your life. And when you’re 22-23 I think you have an idea of how that person should be. It’s nice sharing all your special moments with someone you love. Maybe you should try it. You might like it.
There’s nothing wrong with choosing to stay single and choosing to live your life the way you want to, but to hate on those who choose to get married young and assume that your life is somehow grander than theirs is ridiculous. This is one the stupidest and most misinformed articles I’ve ever read. It’s also ridiculous to assume that “marriage” equals “buying a house with a white picket fence and immediately having children.”
I’ve lived in 7 different countries across the world in my life, some of them multiple times, and I’ve traveled extensively in more than 20 countries. I’m now pursuing a PhD in Neuroscience at one of the best research institutes in Europe and, given the fact that I’ve gotten more scholarships and accolades over the past few years than I can count on my 2 hands, it’s clear that I haven’t had to make any sacrifices in the way of pursuing my dreams or building my career. I’ve had so many exciting experiences in the past few years that I could probably write a book about them. This is why I’ve also starting blogging about my travels.
Did I mention that I’m 25 years old and married? We had our wedding on a lake in the Bavarian Alps last summer, surrounded by all of closest friends and family. And then we went to the Maldives for our honeymoon. Yeah, it was pretty lame. And now we’re saving up money to do a trip around the world after our PhDs are over. Which is also lame, because who would want to do something like that with the most important person in their life?
Well, my life clearly sucks compared to yours. I’m going to go and cut my hair and hang out naked in front of a window to make myself feel better.
In all seriousness: live your life the way you want to, but don’t judge others for living the way they want to. And please pull your head out of your ass and recognize that getting married (assuming you marry the right person, like I did) is fucking wonderful and does not signal the end of your adventurous life.but rather the start of a new one. I promise you that when you meet the right person, if you ever do, you will go back and read this article and feel like a total idiot.
This blog post is fucking hysterical. You have a talent for writing. Although you don’t choose to live your life the same way as me (I am 24 and engaged!), I appreciate your edginess. I hope you don’t fall in love with the person of your dreams in 2014, because OH SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT, you might accidentally find yourself engaged at 24, like me. And what does that mean? You borderline insulted yourself with your own blog post. Happy New Year, biatch!
I did get married at 23. And I can do (and have done) most of these things with having a husband.
I did get a good laugh at “cut your hair” – like us married women must really let ourselves go and never get haircuts or try any new styles.
Some of these though were just horrible ideas though: 11, 15, 18..just to name a few.
This just shows that yes, YOU shouldn’t get married by 23. Some of us, however are in the right mind set at that age. I’m now 25, happily married, and this weekend marks a total of 7 years that we’ve been together between dating and marriage.
Personally, I think the divorce rate among young marriage is up, because people flat out still want to be selfish, as you do, and you can’t do that in a marriage. So you do have a point in that sense.
Our grandparent’s generation were getting married right out of high school and stayed together. It’s not an age issue, its a maturity issue.
This editorial is the reason I vehemently deny being a millennial.
“It’s not me, it’s them.”
This belief alone will prevent any of these pre-23 activities from making an impact. Change your thoughts, change your destiny. Nobody else can do that for you. And creating a Pinterest board is only going to make the self-absorption worse.
I feel sorry for those married folks who read this article and felt the need to defensively respond. Obviously they were lured to the article by the headline…. I wonder why.
Yes, you missed out on a lot by getting married young. And you will never know what that was. Keep looking though, at articles like this, to make you feel less lonesome.
LOL
you do realise this is all over the internet not just wordpress and hundreds upon thousands of people are pissed off, I don’t think it has anything to do with the headline, just saying.
But the fat and knocked up part is rude … u r awesome but others are awesome too …. don’t underestimate the value of a home maker
Include one more point: Just in case you find someone, and you do not wish to miss a single moment living apart.. you should get married.
This is….wait for it….fucking awesome, whoever feels offended can do ad they feel with their lives. I totally agree with you.
With love,
A Peace Corps Morocco Volunteer
I agree with the blogger, although I do wish to get married I’m in no rush to miss out on single/younger years! I think the list which I interpret as satire is brilliant also, I’m baffled at the number of people who seem to be truly offended!
Its easy for this blogger to bloq about this stuff, lets just be honest. Seeing that she us under 23 and has all this time to “travel the world” she most likely does not have a solid career in place. Meaning mommy and daddy are footing the bill for all this traveling. Must be nice, Id probably have the same opinions of this spoiled girl if I were in the same position.
Pretty ironic how the author’s message is to find yourself and be your own person, and then providing a list of what type of person you should be . Judgmental, hypocritical, contradictory. Plus, the list is not even original; merely cookie-cutter stereotypical ideas of what finding yourself looks lie with no attempt at cohesion. Wow: “Be selfish” and “join peace Corps” are bound to produce some great synergistic effects.
Pretty ironic how the author’s message is to find yourself and be your own person, and then providing a list of what type of person you should be . Judgmental, hypocritical, contradictory. Plus, the list is not even original; merely cookie-cutter stereotypical ideas of what finding yourself looks lie with no attempt at cohesion. Wow: “Be selfish” and “join peace Corps” are bound to produce some great synergistic effects.
I got married at 20, very unusual in UK. Became a dad at 21. Best things that ever happened to me. I try and live my life to serve other people not gain life experiences. But the beauty of life is that as you live for others the amazing experiences happen along the way.
I agree with you on so many views. An no need to be married to be with someone and share moments and experiences with people!
Take France where they’re currently asking for it to be easier to get a divorce! I mean, it basically means something there right? And then, isn’t it always more exciting when you have a goal to reach with your partner.
I’d rather have a partner, a team mate, a best friend to spend the rest of my life with, than a spouse three years later I’ll divorce…
Experience and travelling makes as grow so much more, and so much quicker. Moreover, it expands the way we see the world and our open mindness 🙂
Enjoy your Chinese New year! I hear the food is great in the Phillippeans!
You know, it’s the hateful stereotypical comments in here that have upset people. Had this been written in a “fun” joking manner it would be a different story. Vanessa this was just plain disrespectful to allot of young women out there. You’re putting them down for the choices they’ve made for themselves. I too believe that 23 is a very young age to marry, but as Charlie said below when you say things like “But then I realize that those friends are going to get knocked up and fat soon sssoooo in retrospect, who really is winning here” you’re being extremely disrespectful which to me is a clear sign that you’re just a young naive immature girl. Good for you not marrying young and enjoying life and finding yourself. I think it is very good for women to do that, but don’t put down girls who choose to live their lives differently. Shame on you. If you were my little sister we’d be having a long talk on a long drive through the mountains right now. If you truly were meaning to be funny then I think you should apologize for the cruel things you said, or maybe edit your post a bit. Because it was hateful and your point was lost in all of the ‘my life is better than theirs because I didn’t get married’ talk. Stop bragging about yourself and putting others down. It’s unbecoming.
I love this post so much. I’m seventeen and I have the same goals as you. I’m working hard to get accepted to college so I can leave my microscopic country and be independent for good…
“Because at the age of 22, I have no idea who I am, what I’m doing, and who I’ll be doing it with for the next year… let alone for the rest of my life. And that’s awesome.” – You started by telling me why you don’t have a clue. Hence, why should anyone listen to what you have to say if you admit you don’t know anything.
This is very wise and I hope that many actually read it and take your advice…post it again after awhile, keep trying to get them young!
I agree that kids under 23 shouldn’t get married, but the rest of the babble is just plain crap. And out of her 23 things to do NONE of them are commendable. Great job you’re partying in another country, why doesn’t she go to Cambodia and help people or start volunteer at a women’s rights group instead of joining a band. There are so many better ways to spend 23 years than fucking off. I’ll admit, allot of these items I HAVE experienced (and dating 2 guys at the same time didn’t blow up in my face because they BOTH knew it wasn’t exclusive because I was HONEST and up front with them about not wanting anything serious at the time- c’mon I was 18 for G-Sake!) but these things are not accomplishments at all and certainly not anything to be proud of our encourage young girls to do. It’s a shame she has so much hate and negativity towards girls who marry young but is completely ignorant to the MANY ways SHE is screwing up. And I’m sure if she reads this she’ll think “oh that girl must be one of those ‘married before 23 girls I hate'” but the truth is I’m 25 years old, have been with the same man since I was 18 and am NOT married. Falling in love young is rare, but it DOES happen and is a BEAUTIFUL thing. We’ve grown with each other, not apart. We’ve had some CRAAAAZZZZYYYY times (way crazier than whiskey in China). We’ve helped make each other better people and motivated each other to do better and accomplish more. I have a great full time job making good money (a job I would’ve never even applied for let alone landed!). We’ve helped each other through some seriously rough times in our lives. And now that we’ve grown into responsible (sometimes – hey, we still like to have fun!), hardworking, homeowning adults. And I wouldn’t change that for the world. She’s living a very sad life if she can’t experience the happiness of sharing experiences with someone who actually matters to you. I suppose if she had found that person she probably would think differently. I agree that not everyone should marry at the young age of 23 (that’s why we’ve waited so long ourselves, getting married someday but in no hurry just yet – we’ve got time) but saying that everyone who marries young is stupid because some relationship hater says so is just plain ignorant and rude. If she had 23 GOOD things to do instead I might’ve agreed with her. So here’s MY 23 list:
1) Help someone in need
2) Climb a friggin’ mountain!
3) Get your heart broken
4) Graduate college
5) If college isn’t your thing find your “calling” and stick with it, practice and work hard at it
6) Call your parents and tell them you love them
7) (and this is an important one in the growth and responsibility of young adults) GET A JOB!!!
8) See the world (and not just for the alcohol and parties – go EXPERIENCE OTHER CULTURES)
9) Open your eyes to the “other side”s point of view and try to understand it better (this works for pretty much any issue) then see if your mind changed, and if not, at least you have more understanding and compassion for their beliefs too
**What number am I on?) Right, 10) READ BOOKS!!! LOOTTTS OF BOOKS!!!!!
11) Run a marathon (for a cause of course)
12) Donate clothing and other items to Salvation Army
13) Donate blood
14) Give forgiveness
15) Believe in something (not talking religion here, just a general belief in whatever – nature, Budddah, a rock who cares! We came to be somehow and c’mon, we’re FREAKIN AWESOME pieces of mother natures artwork!)
16) Dream – Dream big – and never give up on them – dream dream dream dream dream!!!!!!!!!!!
17) Go to the gym/ try out some different sports and/or physical activities
18) Send a card to our troops (you don’t have to believe in war to believe in the danger our brothers and sisters are in ‘for us’
19) Vote
20) Rescue an animal (I agree with her on this one hahaha)
21) Have a good laugh (allot)
22) Have a good cry (it’ll make you feel better and moisturizes your skin!)
23) LOVE AS MUCH AS YOU CAN AND AS OFTEN AS YOU CAN
Better words of advice from your small-town-mountain-earth_loving-hippie_ish-friend
I got married at 18. Directly out of high school. And guess what? Ive completed about 12 of those things. The others are pretty much pointless. Im doing great with my marriage. You know why? Because we were both raised to follow our heart and gut. And just hope it works out amazingly. Ive probably already accomplished more in my life than you and im only 19. Maybe thats saying something about you? But yes a lot of young marriages end badly. But you can not say all do. Thats just plain idiotic
I challenge ur 7th point.. a tatoo is not even worth being compared to a sensible marriage, let alone be better…cut your hair??? i think we all get a haircut before 23.. nearly all the points dont matter whether done married or unmarried.. ALL IN ALL< YOUR poitn should b sensible mrriage..worst post with good likes
I feel sorry for you. You must be lonely.
More than half those things you can still do when you’re married, and why the HELL would you WANT to do them alone?? I’ve traveled, skydived, and done all kinds of adventurous things with friends and family, and now that I’ve been dating my other half for 3 years, I can’t imagine taking on any new part of life without him, AND I wish I could go back and include him in all those adventures. I am 22.
I’m Sorry that you have such a sad view of marriage – and I’m sorry that in fact so many people think that! I got married at 21 – not because I was a cop-out or I was afraid of life. I just found that person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with and enjoy life with and when we found each other we couldn’t wait to get married and start living life. Marriage is not a death sentence! I happened to experience more in life by the age of 18 than many 30 year olds – Id been there done that and I didn’t need to spend another 10 years repeating all the same stupid things. I got the best private education overseas, done 17 of the things on your weird list and way more significant things than that. I found myself. Now that I’m married I have my own Successful business – my dream job, we bought a house and we’re busy renovating it, I moved across the world, we travel together, I have a house full of the coolest pets, We do Grow, learn, travel, party, cuddle, read, explore. AND. Freaking. Something… Just whilst married to my best friend! We’ve been married for 2 years – yes that makes me 23 now and were not planning on having kids for another 2-3 years but all of this is our choice! Everyone is different and just because they don’t do it your way doesn’t make it wrong. I’m happy! I found myself and If you’re still trying to find yourself at 23 then well that’s your choice. I don’t need to double date and doubt my faith just to discover who I am?
Everybody is entitled to their own opinions but sit back and really think about what you are saying. Over half of those things you posted you can SHARE and ENJOY with your spouse. Maybe you cant make out with a strange, or sit in front of a window naked but not everybody wants to do that. I got married at 20 and wouldn’t change it for the world. I still can travel the world, go to school, finish an entire Pinterest project, and many other things. Just because I chose to marry young doesn’t mean I cant grow and learn more about myself. My husband is in the military an I can tell you I learn something new about myself every day. I’ve also had to grow a lot due to the military. Packing up and moving to a different state teaches you things. Ive learned to be independent, I’ve learned how hard it is to pay your bills. I’ve learned to appreciate my parents more because maintaining a home isn’t easy. So if you ask me I’m happy I married young because I’ve learned to grow up at a younger age and become independent early in my 20s. I’m not saying getting married young is for everybody but don’t be so closed minded about it. And just because you marry at 25 or on doesn’t mean you won’t get a divorce.
In all this judging and defending and this and that… i think we all missed one point! The best one, the last one..
Hell girl I’ll come with you to the Philippines for Chinese New Year!
Cheers Everybody… Lighten up will ya!
I think it’s great that you are exploring the world and finding yourself, have set yourself a list of things you’d like to do. I don’t like your assumption that marriage is only about “settling down” with a white picket fence and for females, getting knocked up and fat. The overall assumption from your post is that life, (at least the fun, exciting, adventurous part of life) is over as soon as you marry. I find this a very immature assumption. Good luck with your travels, perhaps in your personal growth you may learn that assumptions about others’ lives are not generally a good thing.
to each their own, end of story. what seems stupid to you might be perfect for another, let’s all stop being judgmental and follow our hearts desires- whether that is to be single in our twenties, dating, or married.
I got married at 20. This year I will be married 16 years. Here is my list. All after marriage.
Get your passport and use it… check
Have your dream career… check
Create a life… check x2
Be someone’s entire world… check x3 see above
Dance in the rain…check
Buy a house with enough property your children can play safely outside…check
Own your own company…check
Make memories through adventures with your family…check
Have a music party while folding laundry with your kids…check
Be there when they need you…check
Be the friend you always wished you had…check
Through a benefit to raise money for the less fortunate… check
Walk 60 miles in three days for cancer research…check
Move away with your husband and start your own life from scratch with no one bit each other at the age of 20…check
Be successful in your career, your marriage, and as a parent…check
By the look of my post marriage bucket list it looks like I won when I got married at 20.
I married at 19, I’m 26 now (no children either) and have absolutely no regrets. Believe it or not you don’t NEED experience dating (or sexual experience) to find love my dear. You can finish college, establish a career, explore religions and have alone time while married. Your views on marriage are extremely distorted. If people want to get married before 23, great. If you want to wait until you’re older, also great. I get to wake up next to my best friend everyday and that’s fucking awesome. If you want to go make out with strangers and date two people at once..then you have fun with that.
My own personal feelings of disgust from reading your article aside~ I’ve known far too many people now that have waited to “live their own lives” before marriage, only to find that when they want to try to start a family, it’s too late. Our reproductive systems have a shelf life that cannot be ignored, it’s a reality.
No one cares.. Don’t talk crap about her bucket list because you’re unhappy with yourself and how your marriage turned out.
I don’t know why everyone is taking such offense to this! Get off your high horse. All she’s saying is that you should go out and explore yourself a little bit! Maybe mess up on your own and learn without having another person to worry about! Chill the fuck out. It sounds like a blast AND if youre already married, then good for you. You dont need to comment bashing her article cause you decided to tie the not early. Nobody really cares what you and your hubby have done together. This article is about a whole other view and that is what single women can do on their own!
A wise person learns from others.
An average person learns from oneself, and a fool never learns.
Wow, most of these things seem…shallow and meaningless. I married at 19. We celebrated 23 years last week. I am so glad that I married young- I have a longer time to spend with my best friend in the world. I’m glad I have been young enough to be a mom and hopefully a grandmother in a few years. I am glad I didn’t have to limit the size of my family due to our age (we have 7 children, ages 20-2).
My parents married young as well. They are both in poor health. Just saw my mother in the hospital tonight, wondering if she is going to make it. I’m glad we have had them for so long and I didn’t have to worry about their health and other issues while still in my 20’s.
absurd! Most of this stuff can be done while married. I got married just before turning 24 so maybe I wasn’t technically in the “under 23” group but I was 23. Now, 5 years later, I don’t regret it. I don’t feel I was too young and I definitely don’t feel as though I’ve missed out on anything. I don’t have a white picket fence, in fact, I think they’re ugly. I’d like to address each of your points and how they, in NO way, affect my marriage, success or sense of self/adventure.
1. I got a passport at 14 – that family trip was cancelled, thus my passport went unused. I got a new passport about 9 months after I got married and now have 7 stamps on it. Each trip I’ve taken with my husband. Which is kinda awesome I know that in 10 years I can say to my travel buddy, “remember that one time in Thailand…” I went on several vacations and trips with friends when I was younger and I don’t talk to half of them anymore. I can share those memories with anyone that was there. It’s also nice to not have to hide away pictures from foreign travel because there’s an ex in them. That picture I have standing in front of the pyramids can be displayed for everyone to see because it is my HUSBAND, my life partner, standing next to me and not an old flame with a burned bridge.
2. My “thing” is building and making things. Since I was 3 I’ve been creating things. I found my “thing” 18 years before meeting my husband and his presence in my life has only brought me more support and more encouragement to do my “thing” even more.
3. I’ve made out with plenty of strangers. So has my husband. It’s really nothing to be that excited about. I’d say that, like myself, most people probably get that out of the way well before 23 if they’re the kind of person that would ever do it.
4. I have adopted a pet. Several. To name a few, 4 dogs, 6 cats, a pig, 2 peacocks, a chicken and some other fun little guys. I have to say though, any pet I’ve had was a lot easier to take care of with my husband helping me – both financially and in regards to time.
5. I like to listen to music. Not play it. I’ve been a proud supporter of my brother’s bands throughout the years which is good enough for me. I’ve owned several instruments and tried to learn how to play them, but found myself unsuccessful because I kept spending my time doing my “thing” (refer to #1)
6. The first cake I can remember making all by myself was when I was 8 or 9. I actually really like to bake and have done it for several years. I really sucked at it though. In fact, while my husband and I were just friends, I baked him a cake. Do I get extra points if my husband LOVES to bake cakes and actually taught me how to improve? Because that’s pretty much how it went. He actually taught me how to bake well and bake something that someone would WANT to eat….
7. At 17 I got my first tattoo in someone’s kitchen. I now have over 20 pieces. My husband has 2 sleeves. I only had 3 tattoos before I married him. Two of those have been completely removed and 1 was covered up with another tattoo. So far tattoo:0 marriage:1. Telling someone to get a tattoo, just to get one, because it’s more age appropriate than marriage, is terrible advice.
8. I am fairly well educated in religions of the world, but I prefer to stick with the one I was raised with. Why? Because religion is a lifestyle, its a belief system. You don’t just change religions like you change outfits.
9. When I was younger, I dreamed of having small business. My husband made that dream a reality for me because I was unable to do it on my own. He helped support me financially, took over some of my other responsibilities so I could focus on starting and even found connections for me. It’s safe to say that I would not have had the time or money to have my business without him. Marrying him helped one of my other dreams come true…for that, I’m thankful I didn’t wait any longer.
10. I’ve always always always envied women with long hair. I’ve been trying my hardest to grow it out…why on earth would I want to cut it?!
11. I did. It was stupid, tiring and hard. I am now married to one of those 2.
12. I’ve built lots with my hands. Again, reference #1. I’d say my biggest accomplishment and the thing I am most proud of is building my house. Yes, my house. With my bare hands. I absolutely could not have done that without my husband. Yep, he helped build it with his bare hands too. Another wonderful goal and dream of mine that could not have been accomplished without my wonderful husband.
13. My projects are posted on Pinterest…I don’t need to try to replicate something I’ve seen on Pinterest. But I have completed several Pinterest projects…not sure what that has to do with getting married to young though. Pinterest wasn’t even around when I was 23.
14. I have no interest (and had none at 23) in joining the Peace Corps. I give back and serve others in a variety of ways
15. Terrible thing to suggest! I’ve disappointed my parents many times. I’d assume that any parent has been disappointed by their children well before they were 23. I also happen to really admire the ideals my parents hold and their expectations of me.
16. I hate GIRLS
17. I’m allergic to nuts. Not to mention, eating a whole jar of Nutella sounds disgusting
18. Done…many times…
19. I’m totally content with my non-trendy gym membership and I felt the exact same before 23
20. Why in the hell would I want to do that.
21. I blogged all of my little feelings for several years…I honestly don’t think that is something that better prepared me for marriage, made me feel accomplished, helped me grow, or anything that really makes a difference.
22. Being selfish is human nature.
23. I have no desire to go to the Philipines. Next on my list is Fiji – luckily for me, my husband promised he will go with me next year.
While I believe everyone has different experiences and goals, I can’t take your post seriously. The reason I can’t is because you’re suggestions for things to do in lieu of getting engaged are ridiculous. NONE of those have anything to do with marriage or becoming a more developed person. Nothing on your list really separates a person that’s 15, 23 or 50. Nothing on your list implies that a person that hasn’t done those things is too young for marriage or not a well developed person. I think you’d get a lot less backlash if you actually put thought into what people should do before they get engaged and didn’t just list what you’re planning on doing this year. Realistically, if you felt like 23 was too young, shouldn’t your list include things like: 1. accomplish a goal; 2. make a difference in someone’s life; 3. get to a place where you feel accomplished in life; 4. be happy; 5. teach yourself to be independent….etc…?
Love it. The rant. The passion. I hope you have an amazing journey. Thanks for sharing.
You won’t understand until you find the right person. My marriage is not a security blanket. Why didn’t I wait 5 Year’s to marry my husband instead of the year and 3 months? Because I couldn’t Lat another day without making him mine in every way. 5 year engagements are stupid unless say you are not yet financially stable. Just commit.
So you’re in China having a better time than me? Doubtful. Because your few short amazing weeks in China is like every day with my husband. I don’t need to travel everywhere in the world to be happy. I am happy. Something you won’t understand until you find the right person. Fat and pregnant? To someone like me who had had difficulties getting pregnant, I’d be “fat” for the rest of my life for that chance to have life growing inside of me.
To me you just sound bitter. I hope you do find happiness for yourself, weather that’s the single life or sharing it with someone else
I completely agree–so many young friends getting engaged on facebook! The article was great, the bucket list was ehhh though. I was engaged at 21 but didnt see the point in rushing into marriage with it. It’s exactly like the author said, you are spending your life together why do you have to rush it to marriage now? Wait! You change so much year to year!
I agree with the general idea of this post. However, you come off as though you are better than married people. I was married at the age of 21; we ( my husband and I) have visited most of Europe, Central America, earned an undergraduate and masters degree and definitely “hungout naked in front of a window. While those things have all been absolutely splendid my ultimate goal is to own a house with a white picket fence. If the dreams/goals of others are not the same as yours try to be a little less insulting. Just because people don’t share your ideals does not make them wrong or people who settle or need safety blankets or cop-outs.
But thanks for your opinion and I hope you enjoy China, discover yourself and find someone worthy of marrying you.
I disapprove of all the negative comments on this post. It’s insane for me to think that people would be so petty as to speak out against another person for living their dreams and doing something other than what you think is the way things should be. Don’t let any of these people discourage you. I left home at the age of 19, I only recently came home and I’m about ready to go out again. I’ve traveled the world, seen and done things most people could only dream about. I’ve don a lot of those things on that list of yours, and a few more of my own. And I would love to go to the Philippines for the Chinese new year. Live it up. Keep going. And don’t let them bring you down. like you said, you owe it to your self.
How about “23 things you can do other than judge someone’s life decisions” …..that would be something to blog about!! Sounds like to me you need to learn to let ppl in and maybe you need some cuddle time! 🙂
As a young woman about to enter my adult years, this article is saddening. Saddening because our generation is not seeing what beauty a marriage and a family can hold. Nothing, NOTHING, enriches your life and tests your character like family does. Caring for my best friend for a lifetime is what I dream of. What goes around comes around. When you choose to dish out love and warmth even when it’s not easy… Then… Blessings! Blessings everywhere! I’ve watched my parents marriage closely. Fights and love and more fights then more love. Yesterday, my dad said that when he retires, he wants to live in morocco with my mom. They just didn’t give in. They never gave in. I look forward to meeting my guy and embarking on this wonderful journey of my own.
Some 23 year-olds are more mature and know better “who they are” than many 50 year-olds. Age has so little to do with so much in life. I have loved growing with my husband as we age together and become ONE with every passing day. I’m so glad I didn’t wait to marry the man of my dreams because I wasn’t a specific age. There would be so many TRUE joys and blessings I would have missed out on. Among many other things, marriage is about being selfless and giving the best of yourself to and for someone else, which is so DEEPLY fulfilling. Most of the things on your list are hedonistic, self-centered, and will not bring you true joy. As I read this blog, I just sincerely feel sad for you – not mad or hateful – truly sad. I hope, for your sake, you eat your words someday 🙂
You know why I want to get married RIGHT FREAKING NOW? Because, I, a twenty-one year old woman, am with the love of my life. And the only way I’m ‘allowed’ to have children, (my words), is to marry him, because he’s been hurt. It’s the EXACT SAME as dating life, but with paperwork! I can still fly around the world if I want with him, which we intend to do! But I can also have kids with him, and that’s what I want to do, I was born to be a mom, so there. I don’t need a list of things to do, I’ve got a list of things to do. Become a well known artist, sell my work, have a café, have a craft shop, have a freaking army of children, and still be able to keep a house that is clean enough to walk around in! Everything else can wait, because THAT is what I want.
Though I disagree with 99% of this article, I do agree with living life and being content with who you are and your life experiences before walking down the aisle. I think a portion of this article can shine some light on learning to embrace your singleness and learning the importance of finding yourself before you commit to someone else. But i also respect those who have done all of the above by age 23 and still have the honor of being called a wife. To each its own!