23 Things To Do Instead Of Getting Engaged Before You’re 23
As 2013 wraps up, I’ve been noticing more and more people getting engaged and/or married under the age of 23.
I get it.
It’s cold outside… you want to cuddle and talk about your feelings… life after graduation is a tough transition… so why not just cut to the chase and get married, right? It’s hip. It’s cool. You get to wear clothing that wouldn’t normally be socially acceptable at the dive bar you frequent with the $5 beers. Eff it. YOLO. YOMO! You only marry once…
Oh wait.
The divorce rate for young couples is more than twice the national average. Divorce is no longer a staple in a midlife crisis, but rather, something that SEVENTEEN Magazine should probably be printing on. Headlines could read,
“How to budget for your prom AND your wedding in the same year!”
“What’s HOT: Kids raising Kids.”
“Why your Mom doesn’t really know what she’s talking about.”
Because at the age of 22, I have no idea who I am, what I’m doing, and who I’ll be doing it with for the next year… let alone for the rest of my life. And that’s awesome.
Some day, I want to get married too. I want a floor length dress with a ton of cleavage. I want it to be in Asia, with Ethiopian food, and a filthy scotch selection to calm my nerves when I inevitably start to panic and hyperventilate. But WANT and NEED are two entirely different things. I NEED to develop MY dreams and MYSELF before I can truly be the type of woman you WANT to marry.
What inspired me to scribble down my feelings (so many feelings!) is The Facebook. I’m seeing all of these notifications that “X and Y” have joined in matrimony and instantly, these waves of anxiety start to flow over me. Should I be thinking about marriage? I’ve never even had a serious boy friend? Is there something wrong with me? WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME AND WHY HAS NO ONE TOLD ME ABOUT IT FOR ALL THESE YEARS!?
But then I look at my life, my relationships, and my future… and I realize that, I’m fucking awesome. It literally isn’t me, it’s them.
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I have begun to notice a common thread amongst all these young unions: inexperience. Inexperience with dating, traveling, risks, higher education, career direction, SEX, solitude, religious exploration, etc… and it’s insane that I have already experienced more of the world in the last 22 years than my married peers will ever experience in their life.
I can’t help but feel like a lot of these unions are a cop-out.
It is a way for young people to hide behind a significant other instead of dealing with life’s highs and lows on their own. It’s a safety blanket. It’s an admission that the world is just too big and scary to deal with it on your own; thus, you now have someone that is legally obligated to support you till one of you dies or files for divorce.
Which could be tomorrow, because the LGTBQ community isn’t ruining the sanctity of marriage, the Kardashian family is.
If your love is truly eternal, what’s the rush? If it’s real, that person will continue to be committed to you 2 months from now, 2 years from now, and 2 decades from now. Grow, learn, travel, party, cuddle, read, explore. Do. Freaking. Something… other than “settle down” at 23 with a white picket fence.
Because you owe it to yourself. You are a human being that deserves to thrive inside AND outside of a relationship.
We are not our parent’s generation. I’m tired of hearing about how “my mom and dad got married young and X, Y and Z” because they were raised with a completely different set of values, priorities, and without the anxieties and adulterous risks that comes with the worldwide web. I’m speaking directly to the Millennials.
Millennials deserve the opportunity to develop ourselves, alone.
I recognize that my opinion is not going to be popular on The Facebook… especially amongst those who fall into the “under 23” category. I would be confused if I didn’t receive some sort of online backlash or a loss of friends on The Facebook. Some how… I will move forward.
But in the words of my 15 year-old sister, “Sorry I’m not sorry.”
Sure. Some days I wake up and stare at my ceiling thinking: “I’m single as fuck.” But then I realize that those friends are going to get knocked up and fat soon sssoooo in retrospect, who really is winning here? I’m in China. I’m having the best time of my life. I am responsible for my own happiness.
Please enjoy these 23 things to do instead of getting engaged before you’re 23.
1. Get a passport.
2. Find your “thing.”
3. Make out with a stranger.
4. Adopt a pet.
5. Start a band.
6. Make a cake. Make a second cake. Have your cake and eat it too.
7. Get a tattoo. It’s more permanent than a marriage.
8. Explore a new religion.
9. Start a small business.
10.Cut your hair.
11. Date two people at once and see how long it takes to blow up in your face.
12. Build something with your hands.
13. Accomplish a Pinterest project.
14. Join the Peace Corps.
15. Disappoint your parents.
16. Watch GIRLS, over and over again.
17. Eat a jar of Nutella in one sitting.
18. Make strangers feel uncomfortable in public places.
19. Sign up for CrossFit.
20. Hangout naked in front of a window.
21. Write your feelings down in a blog.
22. Be selfish.
23. Come with me to the Philippines for Chinese New Year.
… because at the end of the day, I just gotta wander onwards. Wishing everyone whiskey and wanderlust during the holidays.
XOXO V
Vanessa Wachtmeister is a travel tech professional and the creator of the wealth & wanderlust platform, Wander Onwards. Vanessa is originally from Los Angeles, California, she is a proud Chicana, and she has been living abroad for the last 9 years. Today, she helps people pursue financial and location independence through her ‘Move Abroad’ Master Class, financial literacy digital products, and career workshops.
You’re so young and so naive. It’s very cute. Your list is pitiful and evident that your mind is very closed. Best of luck to you hanging out naked in front of your window and baking your cake.
Probably not the only one here, and I totally understand that everyone is entitled to their own opinion, but why is it wrong to get engaged by 23? I totally get that everyone should have a chance to “live” but does an age really go along with how much someone has “lived”. I’m probably being pretty one sided in my thinking when I say that I have done half of the things on your list while I have been married. The other half I still plan on doing with my husband. I am currently 22 years old. I have been married to my amazing husband four almost five years. I got married right after high school when my husband joined the Marine Corps. Following that, I moved halfway across the country (I think that counts as travel…maybe I’m wrong???) and settled down. Almost five years later, two beautiful daughters down and I couldn’t be happier. Being young, married, a mother, a graduate (which I did after I got married AND had kids btw), a friend, a coworker and any other label that you could think of to put on me has made me an amazing person. I love my self which allows me to love my family so much more than I thought I could. I still have fun and I don’t even have to make out with a stranger or get wasted to do it. Oh, sure I have a few stretch marks but hey, I am more than fucking proud of those 8-10 little lines on my sides. So…I’ll close my rant with a tip: Please everyone, be open minded when looking at the way other people live their lives. Just because you won’t, can’t, would NEVER, or just flat out don’t give a shit about being with a soul mate for the rest of your life, don’t judge those of us who have already found our piece of happiness in this world. Thanks a bunch!
I guess you should do this while you’re 23 because when you turn 24 you know how stupid and self centered this is? I just wasted 3 minutes of my life reading this and will never get it back! DARN!
So this article is a laundry list of philandering and an immature person in fear of commitment? It seems this person isn’t up to the challenge of a family and a husband. After all, it’s much easier to go party and globe trot than raise children to amount to something.
I loved loved loved your post! You perfectly summed up all my thoughts. It happens so often that people lose themselves in relationships and get married far too young without ever finding out who they really are. Thank you for putting this into words!
Agreed; marriage does often seem like a cop-out. Writers or anyone with any aspiration should do what they want to achieve before settling down.
The best marriage advice I received when I got married at 21, “if your not happy before you get married, you won’t be happy when you get married.” Marriage isn’t this instant cure all to obtaining true happiness but it certainly doesn’t detract from it. Some of my favorite moments in life are when my wife does something new that she’s learned from being around me and vice versa. Marriage isn’t about obtaining what you want it’s about what you can do to make your spouse happy. I look at these 23 things and say to myself ” to me this sounds like 23 ways to waste my time before doing something truly important, raising children.” That is my belief and why I got married young. If you don’t feel the same way that’s okay too! This gal has the right to do whatever she wants. She is the master of her final fate and I hope she finds happiness.
Okay so I hear where your coming from but to say that people who settle down won’t be able to do allthe fun stuff singles get tto do is wrong I was engaged at the age 18 and got married at the age of 21 we lived together for 3 years before getting married and we have been married over a year now we didn’t feel the need to wait to get married for 10 years because we wanted to grow and find our selves together not alone. It has nothing to do with ur age it has everything to do with finding the right one and just because I found him early doesn’t condemn me to not have any fun it just mean I get to spend even more time with the one that I love and most people don’t get that. Everyone has there own time when its right for them to get married my brother didn’t find his wife until he was 24 and that was what was right for him. People who get married thinking ah well if I get tired of him ill just get divorced or have the I want the wedding not the marriage are the people that are causing the divorce rate to go up not the people who are young and lucky to find there someone early. Me and my husband go on trips for our anniversary and plan to do that every year forever we still go out and have plenty of single friends that wish they had what we have but its not there time. So no we are not missing out we are living and I am blessed to be able to do that with the man of my dreams
This is the first time I’ve ever heard of anyone wanting to get married under 23. The 20s are about messing up in relationships and focusing on developing yourself. I’m 26 and have never considered marriage seriously yet.
Being under but near 23 I understand completely where you are coming from. Some people find being in a relationship limiting to their personal growth. It’s not always possible to grow and develop whilst in a serious relationship, if you both start changing you might find you are not the same people you fell in love with and your aspirations may conflict. Journeying through life alone can allow independence but what about the love and insecurity that we as humans are hardwired to crave?
Im 22…
1) I have a passport and i have been to over 10 different countries and traveled to more places than I could have ever imagined. Many of them With my boyfriend some with family and some on my own.
2)I have graduated college and found more than just my “Thing” I have had millions of things that I love to do. And honestly one of them would be to get married… Not because of social pressure. but because I want to spend my life with someone. Not because I am scared or need someone but because I want to be there for my best friend and I much rather live and share my life with someone else.
3)I have never wanted to make out with a stranger. Never will. Theres something so much more amazing about kissing someone that knows everything about you and loves you anyway than a stranger. Plus you can make out with a husband when ever you want or as much as you want… with a stranger you don’t get any of that.
4) Adopt a pet, I have already had four dogs in my life so thats another check… Plus I would rather have a dog while I am married than single because then there is someone else to help take care of it… not because im scared of doing it on my own just because its nice to have someone help out.
5) Start a band…. I have been in school band and was since 4th grade through high school.. does that count? haha… anyways… I would never in my life want to be famous soo theres no point in starting a real band.. I prefer to make music videos with my friends which I already do.
6) Make a cake?…. I have made so many cakes in my life time I cant even count… but you know whats more fun? Making a cake or desert or dinner with someone you love… be a friend a boyfriend or husband.
7) Get a tattoo.. no thanks I dont like needles…
8) explore a new religion… I already know what religion I am and I love my faith in Christ… Though I have taken the time to learn about other people and their religions.
9) Start a small Business… not my dream, though my boyfriend is only 22 and has already done that. ( not because hes un married… but just because he wanted to because he could do just as much if not more if we were)
10) I have cut my hair… It does not turn out good… I prefer someone else to do so…..
11)… build something with my hands…. When I was like 5 I had my own tool bench and built my own shelves… I have made pottery… and done mission trips where I even help work on houses… but again.. building is always more fun when you have someone do to it with…
Basically.. what I am getting at here is … Married… or Not married… you can do all the same things.. except the awful things like making out with strangers and dating two people at once… but hey… when your married you can kiss the same person all the time when ever you want and dooo much much more when ever and where ever… Marriage isn’t for hiding… or because your scared of the real world.. its about loving someone else and putting them first… Marriage IS NOT.. about you or what you will get out of it… it is all for the other person and having someone to spend your life with… so no matter what age you are its fine if your single… and it is fine if you are married…. You can still do a million awesome things… marriage isnt for stoping you its for having a partner to dream with and to pick you back up when you fall and help you achieve your dreams and goals and to have someone to celebrate it all with… and if your not married you can still do all the same things with friends… or family…
plus my parents were married in their thirties and they didn’t work out… my grand parents married in their teens and they are the best couple I know… my other grand parents married ealry 20’s and are also awesome… many people in my family are even high school and college sweethearts… and yes people change but you can grow with them not just apart from them… its all about your commitment level and how well you know and love and sacrifice for each other. the age at which people first marry is actually getting older… not younger.. soo don’t pick on the people who actually have figured out one thing they want in their life and have acted upon it.
I undertand what the point of the article is, but on the other hand why can’t a person do most of those things while in a relationship? I know you can’t do all of them and who said we want to anyways? It seems like the author feels the problem isn’t serious committed relationships, but marriage. For some peope, those are pretty much the same thing. The only reason I actually went through the marriage formalities was for our families. We dated five years and have been married for three. I don’t have any plans for children, next year we are going to move to Korea, and I have done all of my life discovering and wild things, and had success in my marriage. If a couple is sure enough to commit to each other either in marriage or in practice alone, how could that be wrong? I do agree that most people should not marry as young as I did, but it is not always the wrong choice.
“and it’s insane that I have already experienced more of the world in the last 22 years than my married peers will ever experience in their life.”
You missed a big word. “MIGHT”. You are ignorant and you act like you know things.
Awesome article. At 24 and unmarried, I agree with you completely. Oh, ignore all the comments below with people bitching. Keep writing, stay badass. Cheers!
Why do you automatically assume that you settle down and don’t do anything fun as soon as you get married. Marriage is just a piece of paper that bonds your love legally, it doesn’t mean that you have to settle down in your white picket fence life immediately. I know lots of young married couples that have gone travelling or done missionary work overseas. Sounds like you’re a little bitter. You also sound like you don’t know what the hell you’re talking about. Until you’ve been in a marriage, how can you know what happens. Besides, each marriage is different. Entering a marriage so young is a massive commitment especially because they risk being judged by bitter people like you. Everyone has their own reasons for getting married. Why don’t you just stop complaining and accept that.
Love it! My husband and I have been together since our early twenties, we even dated briefly in high school. I never once doubted that he was the “one” for me but I never would’ve gotten married in my twenties. We are both completely different people now compared to when we were 23… What if I had grown up, matured and he hadn’t? Or vice versa? People change, the things they want change and sometimes, these changes take them in different directions. Don’t get me wrong, a breakup after a long term relationship is just as hard as a divorce but I want to get married once in my life and I wanted to make sure we were both in it for the long haul. We were 29 and 30 when we got engaged, married at 31 and 32, respectively. And at our ages, we paid for everything ourselves, no debts, no loans and nobody telling us what should happen during our wedding!
Thankyou.
Im 23, recently returned from my third time travelling and am very lucky to love an amazing guy… however on my return home iv been made to feel like the black sheep for not being ready to settle down. Its a running joke amongst my friends, most of whom are happy to do the settled thing. Im truely happy for them and in all honesty jealous that i cant just be “normal”. They are happy and i wonder often why i cant bring myself to do it too.
Ive nothing against young couples who bring out the best in eachother and encourage eachother.
But i agree with what your article is saying… young couples often mimic what they deem to be a “mature relationship”…. like maybe they saw their parents do. And they stop living. Its not true for all… but iv seen it in many.
Reading this has reassured me that im not the only person feeling this way. That im not odd… that maybe it will happen one day… but that its ok not to want it yet. That it dosnt make me less of an adult i suppose.
So thankyou 🙂
Dating two people at onc and seeing how it works out??? That sounds like agreat strategy for someone who doesn’t believe in marriage or fidelity. Cheating is definitely setting yourself up for that high divorce rate you mention above.
YOLO.
Binge eating?
Toying with the very real feelings of two people?
Being selfish?
Making out with someone you don’t know, and don’t care about?
How about:
Make friends with a stranger.
Go out to dinner by yourself- enjoy eating at a table for one.
Practice random acts of kindness, daily- without announcing them on FB, twitter, or anywhere else.
Be the awesome auntie to your married friend’s kids.
Stop drinking alcohol for a month. Put all the normal money you spend on it in a jar.
Go off Facebook, twitter, and blogging for a while- much easier to not compare yourself with others.
No list of “accomplishments” will magically make you a grownup, or ready to get married- emotions make you an adult. Joy, pain, anger, love.
Good luck.
This is that real shit. First thoughts that came clear to me while reading this. This girl clearly does not know what love of any form means. Love truly holds no boundaries, and entirely begins with the relationship you have with yourself. However, I’m grateful she, of not so many, realizes her happiness and growth depends on herself. Now if she could just ignore others around her…..obviously she is solely judging her peers decisions with her own, when her focus should be elsewhere.
The list of opposing options you listed are beautifully presented. Much better things to do singe or married. Doesn’t and shouldn’t even matter.
Got married at 21. Still together. This blog post doesn’t bother me at all, because her view is just so single minded and so naive. It’s just someone’s opinion. I could write something called “21 reasons why you should get married at 21” and people would oppose it just as strongly. It
I think the reasons posted for why one would get married (it’s cold and you want to cuddle etc) are just sad ramblings of a 20 something who has no idea what it’s like to love someone enough to marry them. She’ll grow up one day.
P.S. I’ve watched Girls and I am so damn thankful every day of my life that I didn’t have that life. The misery they portray doesn’t seem like a very happy existence.
I’m 21, I live abroad, I’ve traveled to places like China, Hungary and now my current country France. I’m doing things like kissing strangers, and learning about the world around me as I travel. My parents married young, then divorced (for my mother, divorced twice) AND YET I still cannot help but cringe at your naïveté and self-righteousness. Your idea of marriage is entirely what would doom you to an unfulfilling union. I don’t care what age I am when I meet the person I want to spend my life with because I know if it’s the right person the adventure would never stop. Furthermore, you completely lost any validity to your point when you said you’ve experienced more in 23 years by travelling than people who have been married for a lifetime. Ugh, stop giving the other generations more fodder to hate us with.
You’ve managed to put into words what I was thinking so eloquently that I must applaud you.
Bravo.
Just so you know you can literally do all of those when married except for maybe 2 or 3 especially if you’ve found someone to share those experiences with….. This Article has got the completely wrong idea of marriage.
I think it’s really naive to think that marrying young is something modern and new, and equally so with giving birth at a young age. The reason you find examples of these things shocking is because they are uncommon, because actually the age the average person gets married or gives birth is only rising, and has been rising steadily and solidly for over half a century now. Do you really think if you went back in time 50 years you would find LESS women pregnant and/or married at sixteen?
I ‘unfortunately’ fell in love and got married young. We worked for the first 6 months, traveled the world for the next 6, went to Montreal for two years for grad school and are now living in Bolivia working for an NGO for at least the next year. No idea what we’ll do next but I don’t envy my single fiends still living in my hometown trying to ‘find themselves.’ Marriage/young marriage is not for everyone and sometimes these relationships don’t work out. Not sure why you would make life choices based on these statistics rather than on your personal situation though.
I feel like to two key factors missing form this debate are 1) personally and the lifestyle you would like to live regardless of the relationship you’re in and 2) love: its really difficult to plan when and how this will unfold but it has a major impact on life decisions. I for one would much rather spend a quite life with the person I love rather than one spent adventurously traveling etc. Fortunately marriage has not asked me to choose.
This was great! You explained yourself every well. There’s facts to this blog. Only close minded people will not
I’m sorry there is so much slut shaming in response to your list, it’s uncalled for and harshly judgmental of not only you but of many other women. I think people are simply taking your list far too literally, the overall message behind what your rant is fabulous and I’m glad that you put it out there, no matter what negative feedback you’re receiving.
I love this. I’m 23 in a serious relationship and we have a one year old. I found myself a little early than most people would, but i’m not ready to settle down even though we have a child together.Everyone around us married or engage, starting their family life. We love each other and all that but we are just not at that time were we feel that we should get married. We talked about it, we know it will happen one day but right now it’s all about enjoying life and making sure we have a future. We are trying to establish our self first before we get their. We already have a child ( a little early but oh well). I was lucky because I finish college, traveled a lot, partied hard since I was 15, did things I shouldn’t have. I started enjoying life early and i am still enjoying. I st. Even though we are “tied down” as some would say and have “responsibilities”, we still get to do all the things we want like travel, party, go out (occasionally), have dates ( with each other). I guess what am saying is that you don’t have to do what everyone is doing or go against the grain. Do you. Don’t feel pressured to get married or settle down. Do it on your own time and when you feel ready.
I was legally married at 21, but my husband and I moved in together, shared finances, and lived as a married couple beginning before I turned 19. Before I got married, I adopted several pets, baked and ate lots of cakes, owned a successful business (one that paid for mine and my husband’s undergraduate degrees). I also fell in love with a partner who has supported me through incredible loss and heartbreak but who also has celebrated my most exciting achievements. I didn’t get married young because I was in a race. I got married young because it was the right decision for me – for us. We’ve both made mistakes in life and our relationship, but we’ve grown together and are better people because of it. I’m sorry at your bitterness for not having that, but I hope when you mature a little you recognize that some people follow different paths, and the reason you aren’t married young is because you simply aren’t ready for that. Enjoy your Nutella, and know that it will still be there when you’re ready to share your life and the spoon with someone else.
So many people hating so many people loving and everyone is entitled to their own opinion. I think it’s a good, passionate article, speaking from a writers point of view myself. And that’s just it. She is passionate about how young she is and how excited she is to live! The list is completely irrelevant. However I believe age is just a number and it defn more than just do we get married or not that has to go into the conversation. I agree with the point you are making about living life first before doing that, but I everyone is at a different stage when they are 23. And I speak from experience. It depends on your level of maturity. I have lived in 3 countries this year alone, I went to college across the country, I moved across the world for my first job, and now I’m in a different country at a new job. A year ago I said I vow to never make life changig decisions like kids etc before I’m 30. But in reality, every choice you make is life changing. I am turning 24 soon and I am deciding on my wedding date. It might be at the end of the year, it might be next year, we will see, but no one will het to tell us we are to young. Because I have seen the world, I have embraced life, I have started to learn multiple languages, I have friends across the world. I have lived with people, I have lived on my own. I bought my own car with my own money, and sold it. I bought my own furniture. I have bought food and decided to give it to a beggar, I have been broke, I have had money, I’ve traveled, I learned to ski, and build my first snow man, I have spend hours on wine farms and vineyards, I have learned which beers taste good, which drinks to stay away from, I have been high, I have been low, I’ve made mistakes and learned from them and made the same ones over and over again. And the list can go on. I sti have a huge bucketlist. But now I want to share those experiences with someone, because I have been loved and I have been lonely. Being married doesn’t mean your life is over. It’s a new chapter. Do I want kids now? Please no, I am way too selfish for that still, but if it happens, it happens, and I know that I am mature and experienced enough, to be able to be a great mother and to teach my child right from wrong. I have lived, am living and will continue to live…even if I am 23 and engaged. Because I grew up differently, in a tough country, where you are mature beyond your years, and I have traveled the world more than the average 23 year old. But a year ago I would have laughed at the thought of marriage. Everyone will be ready in their own time…a lot can happen in a year. You only have one life, and if lived well one is enough. So enjoy, have fun, write stories, love passionately and share the memories.
sad and immature.
I was married at 18.
25 years later, I have zero regrets, and after reading this self-centered rant, which should be deemed the “Me-me-More ME Manifesto”, I have -25 regrets [that dash is a symbol for negative, for those who blew off pre-algebra class to ‘disappoint their parents’].
Add to your list to read “HOW SHOULD WE THEN LIVE”…that might make you see, sadly, where this thinking eventually leads.
Honestly, you might consider that what you are experiencing is a bit of “sour grapes” and then go bake a third cake and eat it with…oh…nobody.
well i am 23 and i totally get your point, most of the comments may say u r crazy,but that is what you need to be ryt now, I am awesome and i make everything awesome.. even i may receive some strong comments but being badass crazy is not something you can do after say 5 years or so.. this is the time biyatch, make it happen, anything or everything.
PS: try mixing Rum and Whisky and do 8-9 neat pegs straight. Try not to be hugging the toilet door when u come to your senses 🙂
Personal achievement: I DID NOT PUKE 😛
“The divorce rate for young couples is more than twice the national average.”
Since the national average hovers around 50% of couples who get married end in divorce, if we were to double that, it would be over 100% for young people.
you can do pretty much all those things when you’re married… i think it’s stupid how people equate getting married with never doing anything new/exciting again.
Looks like someone watches Girls a little too seriously. I’m a fan of the show, but talk about a selfish lot. Every character in the show are completely self-involved and ignorant towards what real life is. Real life shouldn’t be bashing others for falling in love and wanting to commit to that love instead of being flighty and leading two men on at once. If you’re doing that, YOU are the problem.
Wow what a great list, you have some big dreams! As a 22 year old MARRIED woman, I seem to have already covered most of the things (worth doing) that you have listed. Right now I am covering #21!
Living your dreams and finding yourself can happen while in a committed relationship, I have been in one with my wonderful husband since we were both 17 and guess what!?- we have grown upttogether, rescued more than one pet together, backpacked through Europe together, found both our careers and supported each other through post secondary! He supports me in my passions and keeps a smile on his face when I reveal I want to try being a vegetarian (for ethical reasons) my
husband the Hunter!
Maybe you are suppose to find yourself as a single woman, Maybe you only feel free outside of a committed relationship, but please do not condemn young married couples and put such judgement on us.
Good luck in completing your list.
one of my friends posted this on her Facebook and was sincerely interested in what this list had to say(until i actually started reading it) because i did get married young and i had to see what i was missing out on. however i realized halfway through this list that this is all stuff that me and my wife have done together hahaha what a slap in the face. look i get it this is a blog, so you have the right to write about what your feeling when your going through your “time of the month” and you see all these happily married younger couples. Your wondering why can’t i find someone, so this post makes sense. I do have a question for you, why couldn’t a person find someone to do all these things on your list with. doesn’t the triumphs become that much more fulfilling when you have accomplished goals with someone that you have dedicated your life to?
Wow, you and I are totally on the same level.Get back to my after you turn 24 and done with the list lol jk. But for real if people wanna get married at a young age, best of luck to ya. But hope you took some time to look and find most of yourself because some journeys are meant to be experienced solo dolo. Its keyyy to finding happiness and running a successful life, which includes marraige. Finding your other half won’t make you whole if your half still has major holes to be filled. Since I’ve never been married though I can’t really hate much but the numbers don’t lie
All she is saying to do is to make sure you have seen everything there is that you want to see before you get out in the real world. Not EVERYONE has a change to get married to their prince charming and back pack around the world and see everything together. Some cultures definitely get in the way of doing that for many reasons. I know this because I’m born and raised in two different cultures. At 22 I have yet to have a real relationship and I can’t wait to see everything there is to see before I find my prince, and then possibly do it all over again with my prince. But who knows how quickly I get a family and I may not have a chance to do many things off my bucket list so do it now!!
That’s what she’s saying.
And about the dating two guys in your face at once, she TELLS YOU it blows up in your face. She doesn’t say to sleep with them, she just said date. She’s saying that cause you LEARN from it. She’s asking you to learn. LEARN about everything there is to learn. Everyone learns different, married or single, so find your niche, is all she’s saying.
Although I think that everyone gets and needs different things out of life, I feel you might be getting a little too extreme. I was married at 23 and I feel that some of the things you said to do and a little sketchy. One, starting your own business has an extremely low success rate after many years of schooling and planning, but at the age of 23 that’s not going to get far and there’s a lot of money and would be my self esteem in the hole for a long time.
My favorite thing thought is your complaining of the divorce rate but yet you want e people to date two people at once?! Think what that will cause…
I have been able to create some of the best memories with someone that I can look back on them and remember for the rest of my life. I think that is one of the best gifts ever!
Reblogged this on naalamana.
I really don’t understand how many things on this list and marriage are supposed to be mutually exclusive? I don’t understand how you can’t be married and travel/get a passport, start a band, cut your hair, get a pet, watch TV, etc. all while being married? A marriage is having a committed partner for life, but that doesn’t mean you have to be enmeshed with them. I’m 26 and married and while my husband and I love each other very much, we still have our own “thing” that we like to do separate from each other.
It’s also totally inappropriate for you to put your judgments on others for how they choose to life their lives. Marriage is not a “cop-out” when it’s done in total love. I have no judgments towards people who feel that marriage isn’t their “thing”. I completely understand that and that is the person’s right to get married or not get married. However, just because it may not be for you, it doesn’t give you the right to bash other people’s decisions to get married.
Honestly, if you have to go out of your way to prove and say how awesome you are in addition to bashing everyone else’s life choices, it seems like you are actually insecure and want to find a niche of people who agree with you. If you were happy and secure with your life then you would not need to feel like you have to diminish the significance of other’s lives and choices. However, you are 22 and still learning and growing so I wonder how much of your ignorance can be held against you.
This is one of the saddest things I’ve read in a long time. You are absolutely right that YOU should not get married at 23 … and maybe not ever. It’s incredibly obvious that you don’t get the point of marriage. Your article and especially your list are extremely immature and self-centered and as long as anyone is self-centered a marriage is doomed.
It’s one thing to ignore others’ expectations of you. It’s entirely another to set a list of goals that prove you’re a self-centered jerk. It is evident that you have low self-esteem, and I hate to lower it further, but the vast majority of the things on your list won’t help that and will actually lower opinions of you. Good guys aren’t attracted to selfish girls. If you continue that path, you will continue to be alone. I’m truly sorry, but it IS you.
Instead, of your current list, make a new one. Make a list that is full of opportunities to help others that is easier to accomplish while you’re single. It is totally true that maintaining relationships of any kind takes time and work. If you have that time, put it to good use improving yourself, your environment, and those around you instead of engaging in destructive behavior. You’ll find that you not only add value to the people you help, but to yourself as well.
I think the real advice here should be “Don’t take significant life advice about what to do in the first quarter of your life by someone marginally older than you are and an underachiever at that”
Well I’m 30, a homeowner, in a serious relationship, have a great job and am an expat living overseas and agree with everything she said.
I’m just getting to the age where it’ll be socially acceptable for people my age to get married. And I’m dreading it. I thought those “What are you doing in university” questions were annoying but I’ll gladly take them over any “got a special someone in your life??”.
I’ve never even been the kind of person to get excited over getting married; I’m not even sure I want kids. So it’s good to hear that someone else finds this troubling as well: that before we’ve really grown up as individuals, we’re making a decision to be with someone for the rest of our lives.
I’m sure it’ll happen someday in my life but I’m going to make sure that I’ve done everything I wanted to do first.
im sorry that people dont understand that you werent writing for people like her. she completely missed your point.
this is terrible: http://youngcons.com/must-read-young-woman-gives-amazing-response-to-the-23-things-to-do-instead-of-getting-engaged-before-youre-23/
Not one single person is the same on this earth. Just because you think you aren’t capable of marriage before you’re twenty three doesn’t mean everyone else isn’t. Maybe some people are more mature than you and are ready for commitment. Maybe they don’t care about the same goals you listed. I got married right at 23 and I’ve been able to be MORE of myself than I ever could when I was on my own. My spouse is always encourating change and excitement and he always pushes me to follow dreams amd be who i wqnt to be. My parents or friends never did that before him.That’s because he is a support system. When I want to do something he is right there with me. We are saving for a European trip together AND a home. Just because I’m married doesn’t mean I’m not able to have fun. Maybe you should not be so tightly wound about other peoples way of life and worry about yourself and how often you sit naked in your windows.
I completely agree with you @hannah. we’re not all the same. Our relationships are different. I am getting married in a couple of months and I do not think our relationship or future marriage will hinder my goals or dreams. Rather, he has helped me and supported me throughout this relationship. Not everyone wants to have children at 23. It is a matter of choice. We traveled together to different American states and countries. Why would marriage stop this?
$100 bucks says one of you will be getting a divorce within 10 years.
Poor girl….if you haven’t had a serious relationship by 23 it’s not them. I wouldn’t change my life for any adventure in the world because I can take my best friend with me. This screams jealousy to me. And it’s extremely rude to bash young married people like they are all stupid poor trailer trash.
I’ll be 23 this year too and I dont want to be in that situation. Good post.