23 Things To Do Instead Of Getting Engaged Before You’re 23
As 2013 wraps up, I’ve been noticing more and more people getting engaged and/or married under the age of 23.
I get it.
It’s cold outside… you want to cuddle and talk about your feelings… life after graduation is a tough transition… so why not just cut to the chase and get married, right? It’s hip. It’s cool. You get to wear clothing that wouldn’t normally be socially acceptable at the dive bar you frequent with the $5 beers. Eff it. YOLO. YOMO! You only marry once…
Oh wait.
The divorce rate for young couples is more than twice the national average. Divorce is no longer a staple in a midlife crisis, but rather, something that SEVENTEEN Magazine should probably be printing on. Headlines could read,
“How to budget for your prom AND your wedding in the same year!”
“What’s HOT: Kids raising Kids.”
“Why your Mom doesn’t really know what she’s talking about.”
Because at the age of 22, I have no idea who I am, what I’m doing, and who I’ll be doing it with for the next year… let alone for the rest of my life. And that’s awesome.
Some day, I want to get married too. I want a floor length dress with a ton of cleavage. I want it to be in Asia, with Ethiopian food, and a filthy scotch selection to calm my nerves when I inevitably start to panic and hyperventilate. But WANT and NEED are two entirely different things. I NEED to develop MY dreams and MYSELF before I can truly be the type of woman you WANT to marry.
What inspired me to scribble down my feelings (so many feelings!) is The Facebook. I’m seeing all of these notifications that “X and Y” have joined in matrimony and instantly, these waves of anxiety start to flow over me. Should I be thinking about marriage? I’ve never even had a serious boy friend? Is there something wrong with me? WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME AND WHY HAS NO ONE TOLD ME ABOUT IT FOR ALL THESE YEARS!?
But then I look at my life, my relationships, and my future… and I realize that, I’m fucking awesome. It literally isn’t me, it’s them.
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I have begun to notice a common thread amongst all these young unions: inexperience. Inexperience with dating, traveling, risks, higher education, career direction, SEX, solitude, religious exploration, etc… and it’s insane that I have already experienced more of the world in the last 22 years than my married peers will ever experience in their life.
I can’t help but feel like a lot of these unions are a cop-out.
It is a way for young people to hide behind a significant other instead of dealing with life’s highs and lows on their own. It’s a safety blanket. It’s an admission that the world is just too big and scary to deal with it on your own; thus, you now have someone that is legally obligated to support you till one of you dies or files for divorce.
Which could be tomorrow, because the LGTBQ community isn’t ruining the sanctity of marriage, the Kardashian family is.
If your love is truly eternal, what’s the rush? If it’s real, that person will continue to be committed to you 2 months from now, 2 years from now, and 2 decades from now. Grow, learn, travel, party, cuddle, read, explore. Do. Freaking. Something… other than “settle down” at 23 with a white picket fence.
Because you owe it to yourself. You are a human being that deserves to thrive inside AND outside of a relationship.
We are not our parent’s generation. I’m tired of hearing about how “my mom and dad got married young and X, Y and Z” because they were raised with a completely different set of values, priorities, and without the anxieties and adulterous risks that comes with the worldwide web. I’m speaking directly to the Millennials.
Millennials deserve the opportunity to develop ourselves, alone.
I recognize that my opinion is not going to be popular on The Facebook… especially amongst those who fall into the “under 23” category. I would be confused if I didn’t receive some sort of online backlash or a loss of friends on The Facebook. Some how… I will move forward.
But in the words of my 15 year-old sister, “Sorry I’m not sorry.”
Sure. Some days I wake up and stare at my ceiling thinking: “I’m single as fuck.” But then I realize that those friends are going to get knocked up and fat soon sssoooo in retrospect, who really is winning here? I’m in China. I’m having the best time of my life. I am responsible for my own happiness.
Please enjoy these 23 things to do instead of getting engaged before you’re 23.
1. Get a passport.
2. Find your “thing.”
3. Make out with a stranger.
4. Adopt a pet.
5. Start a band.
6. Make a cake. Make a second cake. Have your cake and eat it too.
7. Get a tattoo. It’s more permanent than a marriage.
8. Explore a new religion.
9. Start a small business.
10.Cut your hair.
11. Date two people at once and see how long it takes to blow up in your face.
12. Build something with your hands.
13. Accomplish a Pinterest project.
14. Join the Peace Corps.
15. Disappoint your parents.
16. Watch GIRLS, over and over again.
17. Eat a jar of Nutella in one sitting.
18. Make strangers feel uncomfortable in public places.
19. Sign up for CrossFit.
20. Hangout naked in front of a window.
21. Write your feelings down in a blog.
22. Be selfish.
23. Come with me to the Philippines for Chinese New Year.
… because at the end of the day, I just gotta wander onwards. Wishing everyone whiskey and wanderlust during the holidays.
XOXO V
Vanessa Wachtmeister is a travel tech professional and the creator of the wealth & wanderlust platform, Wander Onwards. Vanessa is originally from Los Angeles, California, she is a proud Chicana, and she has been living abroad for the last 9 years. Today, she helps people pursue financial and location independence through her ‘Move Abroad’ Master Class, financial literacy digital products, and career workshops.
Thanks for posting! I am 29 and loving life. People try to set me up all the time and do not understand that I am content.
Main thing to do before you get married: Grow up. If you’re inclined to draft a list like this one, you’re clearly not mature enough to get married (no matter what age).
I think you’re just trying to feel better about being alone. Criticising others helps with that, eh? Moron.
100% agreed, I mean I am completely and utterly in love with the idea of getting married however as you say what is the point in feeling the need to officialise it so early. I want to travel and explore the world and meet hundreds of new people before I can really decide where and who I want to settle with. I am not saying people who marry early are wrong, I just personally think that why settle for what you know when you haven’t tried everything.
How I imagine the author will respond to this tidal wave of negative comments and criticism: “Hater’s gonna hate! #YOLO #hashtagsarethebest”
I really wish I didn’t waste my time reading this… You can do almost all those things and more when married.
Close-minded and ignorant post.
I just had people that knew each other 2 months get married. I’ve been w my bf over a year now and this couple- met, got engaged and married whilst I’m w my bf. it’s nuts! I imagine they will end it before I even get married! :/ – thanks for the post. Really enjoyed your point of view. Would love to collaborate w you on a post if you’re interested.
This is stupid, but I respect your opinions. Don’t agree with it though. 22, successful career, getting a dog soon, and dating the love of my life. There is no time limit for marriage. If it’s meant to be, it’ll happen.
A better list, in response to the disappointment in the comments : http://ourtwosenses.wordpress.com/2014/01/05/23-things-i-did-at-23-instead-of-getting-engaged/
You are wrong and you completely missed the entire point. She wasn’t saying you had to do those exact things necessarily, those are just examples of a few things that show you’ve actually lived in your adult self before you’ve lived in a relationship. Her point has nothing to do with this list of things, it was that you don’t know yourself well enough before your mid-twenties to make a decision as big as marriage – something that will last you the rest of your life (which is why it STATISTICALLY does not last when people marry earlier. Stop trying to argue facts, you just look stupid). She didn’t say you should postpone your life either, she said you need to figure out how to live first. You’re acting awfully offended and rude towards this woman about something that you could have just brushed-off and ignored if you didn’t agree with and it’s because you’re completely and totally insecure about your own decisions. You’re held up in your backwards conservative beliefs of what it means to be married. Otherwise you’d keep doing your own thing and let others do theirs without getting offended that someone you don’t know thinks you should’ve waited longer. Good luck being single and unhappy when you’re 50.
Lol, wtf? I’m only pissed I had to read that long rant against young marriage only to be disappointed with such a crappy list. The title of the article was called “23 Things To Do Instead of Getting Engaged Before You’re 23”. I was hoping whoever wrote this would have listed each of the 23 Things out individually and elaborated on them further, proving why these activities would help build a persons character, one more well-rounded and suitable for marriage. You claimed her argument is that a person doesn’t know enough about themselves in their mid twenties to make a decision as big as marriage. Hence, the writer provides a list of things to do before getting married, or in your words to “figure out how to live”. Eating nutella and making out with a stranger doesn’t sound like that big of a deal. Really, I shouldn’t marry someone I love because I haven’t stood in a window naked yet? Does that really need to be done before I get married? Will I gain something from that? Will that benefit myself or my family in any way in the future? Hey, don’t get married before you’re 23. Why? So you can do things like get a tattoo and disappoint your parents! I understand exactly what the writer is saying….I actually agree with the main point, the writer, on her soapbox, did a terrible job selling it. Especially with such a misleading title. I give this article a D+. Any questions?
Finding the one you want to spend forever doesn’t depend on whether you’ve checked things off on a list. You never know when it’s going to happen, you could be 15, 30 or 75. Life is what you make it!
This is the most narrow minded article I have ever read. I got pregnant before I was meant to go travelling for a year, but me and my partner had the baby, are closer than ever and are now doing our travels around europe with our beautiful daughter. I never ever go out of my own way to make single people feel bad about themselves so why is it ok for single people to make couples feel bad? People should do what makes them happy and enjoy whatever is thrown at them. Personally I think she needs to take her head out of her arse.
My step daughter posted this on her Facebok and it caught my attention…I’m 40 and did most of this before I got married at 28. I couldn’t agree more with the concept and am glad I did everything I did before getting married. I cherish all those adventures and never feel like I missed out. And now, we are looking forward to the day we can have more adventures together.
The only word of caution I would have now being a bit wiser is to avoid judging why other people get married young or at all. It doesn’t matter why other people do what they do What matters is that you do what you want to do for the right reasons. Trying to figure out why people do what they do is pointless and time wasted that can be spent becoming the best person you can be.
Should I point out the obvious? That most of the married people who were chocked by this article and react by writing how happy they are at 24, married with two kids and a little dog will statistically be divorced in the next 10 years?
She’s not saying that people shouldn’t get married, she’s saying that marriage should be taken more seriously because if such a permanent commitment is threaten by such a huge rate of divorce especially for young people then THERE IS a problem. It doesn’t mean that all marriages won’t work, it means that a majority of them won’t work and we have statistic to prove it. Congrats to those people who testified about being happily married and regularly scuba-diving with their husbands and babies or whatever (as if it was the point of this article…) but you do need to understand that 1) you’re still very young and might still get divorce soon 2) even if you don’t you’re not the norm, you’re the exception.
^ This. Why do these married idiots posting on here not understand this. She’s not saying marriage isn’t great and that people shouldn’t do it. In fact, she’s pretty much saying just the opposite, but that you need to wait just a little longer so you can understand yourself and your partners better before you get a certificate legally binding you to them. That’s great that all of you that are posting are young and you’re happy now but statistically you probably won’t be in 10-20 years. It’s sad that you’re so insecure that you need an official declaration of their love for you before moving forward with your life. If you feel like you should get married that early on you most likely have neither learned enough about yourself, nor are comfortable enough with yourself yet to form a healthy, LONG-LASTING relationship with someone that will withstand the fact that you are now going to be changing and figuring out who you really are while you’re already in the relationship rather than before it. Sorry, I’m not hating on love or relationships, but you dug your own grave, come write another comment in a few years when it’s ended in divorce.
why people feel the need to tell others that the choices they are making as young adults are WRONG or STUPID or UNEDUCATED, really pisses me off. i am 22 years old, engaged to the man of my dreams, and we both know who we are and what matters in life. which, might differ from what matters to you. not to mention, 95% of the people in my life have completed this awful example of a “list of things to do” by the time they were 17.
Sur I agree with the whole idea of experiencing life, as well as knowing yourself before getting into a serious relationship. However, that is pretty much the only idea of this post that I agree with.
When you meet the right person life actually gets much better because that person not only can make you a better person, but life in general is even that much more enjoyable. Having experiences to share with someone is way better than experiencing everything on your own.
Many of the things listed on here I find juvenile and flat out dumb. “Disappoint your parents”… are we in grade school or are we 20+ aged adults?
” Hangout in front of a window naked” I have better mature, adult things to do than act like I’m 5 years old.
“Be selfish” let’s see how far that gets you in life. Most likely you will in fact be single for the rest of your life because you base your life off of a ridiculous list.
Also, how does starting a small business fit in with the rest of the list here. I feel the writer contradicts herself here with everything she is saying.
Finally, as a Christian I do not deem it appropriate to study other religions. I understand the importance of open mindedness to other cultures and religions, but I believe in only one thing and that is Christ. Perhaps the writer needs to stop living an empty life that proposed of this list, and start living a more meaningful and fulfilling life for our Lord and Savior.
You do realize not everyone needs Jesus to live a happy life, right? I mean, if you look at the population of the world and then at how many people are Christian, you’ll realize that the majority of people don’t even believe in him (less than a third of the world’s population are Christian, in case you weren’t aware). And it’s 100% not okay to suggest that someone does need Jesus in their lives to make them better. Her life isn’t empty; she’s going out and experiencing the world. She’s making mistakes and learning from them. She’s making the most out of her life. It’s completely rude and inappropriate to suggest otherwise.
Then isn’t it completely rude and inappropriate to suggest people not marry at 23 or younger? Sounds hypocritical to decide which suggestions are allowed and which aren’t.
No reason you can’t do any of those things when you’re married…aside from dating two people at once and being selfish! I look forward to the day when my husband and I share an entire jar of nutella together 🙂
I am pretty sure you got it wrong, especially its not you its them. No honey its you! No wonder you haven’t had a serious boyfriend, because you sound like a ho, a cheating ho to be exact.
Right. And the last one “Come with me to the Phillipines…” Ummm, how about no? She really does not sound like someone I would like to hang out with, she sounds like a selfish, unkind, annoying brat to me. I would rather hang out with my husband, thanks. (Yup, I’m 25, is that still too young? Oh wait, IT DOESN’T MATTER IF SHE THINKS SO OR NOT.)
This good nrws
Everyone is different! I met my husband when we were both 17, and married him at 20. We are old souls. We have a great life. In the 3 years before marriage we traveled across the country. I was in college and he was in the navy, two completely different lives, I was on the east coast and he was on the west. Now at the age of 24 we have everything we dreamed of. House on lot of land, beautiful 8 month old daughter, and 4 rescued animals! We are both back in school to change our careers. Most of this list I have accomplished, some with and some without my husband. For me, married or not life is what you make of it!
Well said! It’s all about the individuals.
I agree 100% with you. Married or not, one’s life does not stop. I mean I wouldn’t dream of getting married now at 21 but even for those who are married at 21 or 50, life does not stop. If you want something, go get it, if you want to travel, hell do (and take me with you xD). What the blogger said is true but I think she did one mistake i.e. thinking that being in a relationship means the end of your life. If someone acts like it is than tough luck to them, but most couples I know, party and have a good time and have been doing so for a long time !
Reblogged this on Made of Quirk .
Why are married people reading this? Checking to be sure you didn’t miss something? You did.
read a response to this article so to be fair I decided to read this article as well to see what the fuss was about
Good luck with your adventures and remember to follow your heart. Your journey will not look like someone else’s… and that’s OK! -Pouneh
I can relate to this and also not relate to it, if that makes sense lol. I married my husband when I was 21. We’d been engaged for two years before that….and we had a 15 month old son when we tied the knot. We became unexpectedly pregnant after 6 months of dating, but knew that we wanted to be together and marry. We both thought we’d get some traveling done before the big M, but life happened and plans changed. Our goal now is to raise our family together, and then ship them off to college and travel when we are in our early 40s. 😉
I agree with most of what you said… Yes, you should live more before getting married… and then keep living after you marry 😉
I’m not one to replay to blog posts because it is truly a forum of opinion and I’m a firm believer jn “to each is his or her own” but I have to say this is just bad journalism. Your claims are completely unsubstantiated and your research for this is your newsfeed on Facebook. I’m not getting married under the age of 23. But I know a lot of very successful, young, cultured people who are/on the track to who do more important things before their 23rd than “eat Nutella” and watch “girls”. Could there be a twang of jealousy? Does your disqualification of young committed love take root in the fact that you’re not at the maturity level to appreciate it or have never been given the opportunity to understand it because you’ve never had deep love with someone? A word of advice, don’t speak on marriage ratings and the success of young marriages with a tarnished biased view; when you’re in a committed, young, love filled life with someone, Nutella seems really fucking stupid. I suggest giving it chance or being given a chance before criticizing the young women whose lives are bettered by love and commitment everyday.
I’m pretty sure I’m in love with the way you think.
Ok this has got to be one of the dumbest posts i have ever wrote. I was engaged at 22and married a year and a half later. And u say u have done and seen more than ur married friends ever will well that may be true “with YOUR friends” but let me tell u something by the time i was your age i have seen and done more (in the military) than u will or can and getting married and starting a family has been the most challenging yet most exciting thing i have ever done in my life i am old fashioned (i am only 31 now) about marriage an do not believe in getting a divorce marriage is an adventure like no other and yes u may be against it but reading ur little blog here really pissed me off because ur not only stating your opinion but bashing marriage which is wrong i do feel sorry for who ever does decide to marry u.
Really enjoyed reading this, especially the line “LGTBQ community isn’t ruining the sanctity of marriage, the Kardashian family is.” Also, spot on with rules 2, 17, and 20 in particular. Caught the travel bug a few years back and ended up moving to Morocco. Every day is a different adventure if you are open to it. Stay safe and travel on.
Seeking to find happiness and fulfillment through wanderlust seems to me a pretty straightforward guide to depression lol. The idea that marriage is a trap or a limitation on life is likewise thoroughly misconceived – almost every scientific study ever done on happiness has shown that the person you marry is the most determinative factor for your happiness. So she can wanderlust away but if she doesn’t take seriously the fact that she will ultimately marry someone and that person will be central to her ability to “fulfill” whatever it is she thinks is the “good life” then her advise is clearly empirically flawed, existentially vacuous, and morally bankrupt. No big deal or anything #wanderlustawayyour20s #depression30s #regretyourdecisionthereafter #greatarticle
Most of your list (except the things that didn’t exist then) I accomplished by the time I was 15. Yet, I don’t think they amount to much, just some self indulgent fun – not that self indulgent fun is something to avoid.
I’d like to say that the problem that you recognize so well is that people think marriage is the only option. Marriage and singleness have equal validity as expressions of life. There are things learned in the crucible of singleness and others learned in the crucible of marriage – Perhaps life molds us and tosses us in a kiln. However, that mold and that kiln primarily occur in the form of relationships tempered by our engagement with the world around us and inside us.
This means, we are defined by our friendships and our hopes and our dreams and by how we choose to realized our dreams and press on towards our hope. Perhaps more importantly, we are defined by those who we travel alongside to get to our hopes and dreams. This is the same for singles and married people, but those who are married have committed to a journey together with unexpected twists and turns and different dreams to realize. Not all friends stay together, I’m not surprised that marriages fall apart – it isn’t easy to stick it out with someone and help them with their dreams, but it’s a good spiritual journey regardless of your particular brand of faith.
Philippines for Chinese New Year, very good choice 😉 See you around
None of this is the least bit interesting or profound and most of it is stuff people do anyway. Get a passport? Eat Nutella? Disappoint your parents? Be selfish? Are you 12?
This bimbo couldn’t get married to a decent bloke if she tried, might as well make stupid lists as to why.she can’t and make an achievement out of it.
At 20 I thought I knew who I was, was going to be, and what I wanted. I got married. I had this…restlessness that I thought I could tame or smother. Even when I got the shock of a lifetime and met my real father for the first time at 21, my wife and I pushed on through college and our full time jobs. Nothing was easy.
But then that restlessness began to take on a form. Slowly, I could see that I needed something more from life. The Peace Corps was our ticket out. About two months before shipping out to Asia we decided that we wanted to get paid instead. We came to China together to work at a training school. The contract was for one year, but within ten months my marriage was over.
It wasn’t China’s fault. No, the Middle Kingdom exasperated circumstances, but it wasn’t the reason. Those are plentiful.
She left, I stayed.
It has been more than a year since my divorce, and I realize one of my mistakes: you don’t know yourself at 20. I agree with your conclusion, but not all of your statements. There are those that will make it and thrive marrying young, but not many.
I once (after taking a philosophy class) wondered who was the smarter one: the person who walks around the muddy puddle on the sidewalk or the person who trudges right through it because he is wearing waterproof boots.
It occurred to me later that I was an idiot either way for wasting my time, but I did manage an answer. Both get to where they’re going regardless of the damn puddle.
There is no right way to live. There are about seven billion different ways to live. If marrying young is what someone wants, go for it. But don’t live with fear or doubt.
I love your list of 23 things to do because they are actions without fear and doubt. Always be strong enough to change and to challenge yourself. It’s not all about being happy in life, no, it’s about being true to yourself.
Sorry I rambled.
This is a pretty judgemental article, but at your age you are desperately needing to define who you are and what you are for and against. I would just say don’t determine your choices vs everyone else as some binary division where you are right and other people are wrong. Different strokes for different folks. I also wouldn’t assume that travel, making out with strangers and being selfish are the way to grow and change. It’s just one way to experience things, and your judgemental attitude to others highlights your immaturity. PS – I’m not married.
This is by far one of the most ignorant things I have ever read in my life. You have much to learn, and I hope for the love of cheese, that you never reproduce.
Hey I love this. I want to punch some people who are talking marriage after a month of dating in the face and say WAKE THE FUCK UP!!!! Marriage is something I’m really looking forward to but seriously, there is so much to experience in life and I am THRILLED that at 25 I am single as ever and accomplishing so much. Not that marriage and family life aren’t accomplishments, but when you’re hooked up with that life IT IS FOR GOOD. I will have it one day, but instead I’ve spent the past 8 years getting a college degree, exploring the world, and making a career change that sent me back to school!
Thanks so much for sharing your list of 23 things! Mine is a little different but yours is great!
This is the stupidest thing I have ever read no Morales and you just sounds like a terrible person. I mean seriously date 2 people at once? Good luck ever getting married with that kind of list.
Just because you don’t agree with a person’s plans doesn’t mean they have no morals. Please be kind.
I’m 23 and I’ve been married for two years and your idea of marriage is completely wrong. Marriage is so rewarding and so much fun! My husband is my best friend and we have so much fun together. Marriage isn’t always about setting down with the white picket fence, it’s about sharing your life with someone. We have moved all over, gone to Africa, dubia, Mexico (3xs) , cruised the Caribbean, explored caverns, played in the snow, rented a cabin in the woods just for the two of us. We have loved, been selfless, shown grace, fought, taken care of each other’s needs, encouraged, pushed, and picked each other up when we fell and I could not imagine sharing any of those things with anyone but my amazing husband. I would pick any of those things above over eating a jar of Nutella in one sitting and toying with two boys hearts like a child. I would say it’s probably good you are not married, with your mindset, I would venture to guess that you would end up in the “people who get divorced young” category.
HELL YEA! Brooke, thank you so much. I was reading through comments and it seems to me that we either have some seriously hurt people reading this blog or some straight-up, down-with-love pessimists. I too am 23 and have also been married for 2 years. Before marriage, I traveled all over the world and country, learned languages, tried different cuisine, experienced different culture, became closer to family, learned true independence, moved away from home, seriously tried out about 5 different careers (some at the same time) and so much more. Meeting my husband happened somewhere in between being a paramedic and owning my own successful wedding planning business. Together, we have created many more experiences to include some of those on her laughable to-do list of musts. Perhaps the issue isn’t that young people are getting married (because old people are getting married too) but that the author is not mature enough to fathom what marriage could possibly mean or entail. You may not know yourself at 22, but that may not be the case for someone else, and that person will probably be different at age 40. The person they marry will be different too. You grow, both separately and together, and it’s not for everyone. It sounds like it may never be for her… If you wait to find out who you will be for the rest of you’re life, you’ll be waiting until your last breath. You have marriage all wrong, Miss Vanessa, and when I’m cold, I put on a jacket.
I’m 23 and have been with my boyfriend 3 and a half years who is 25. We are not engaged not because we don’t want to be (as I would love to be) but because that’s not where our relationship has gone yet.
I feel like I’m probably more mature for my age (maybe that’s because of the career I am in and have been in since I was 12 years old!) However I can sometimes act a bit childish like everyone can no matter what their age. I have probably done majority of the things on that list (some I’m not so proud about, but every one I have learnt from eg eating a jar of Nutella in one sitting- leaves you feeling sick, uncomfortable & wondering if you’ll ever be able to fit in them new pair of jeans you’ve just bought! And dating two people at once- I don’t think I was responsible for this but it just kind of happened but still karmas a bitch and what I did to them, happened to me!)
The other year my boyfriend and I were saving to buy a house (practical, good investment, our parents would be proud of us) however it just wasn’t the right time. Every house we looked at just didn’t seem quite right for us. Then out of nowhere we thought about travelling and within 6 weeks from that very thought we found ourselves in Australia for a year! THE BEST YEAR EVER! We explored places together while gaining experience working in SYDNEY! We took a trip to Thailand and rode elephants, cuddled tigers and discovered the Phi Phi islands! It really was incredible now we are back in England, ironically because 2 of our best friends were getting married (same age) but we are now deciding what we want to do next. Canada? New Zealand? Australia? America? But the decisions we are making are not to be young and free and back pack around like what most people do. We are making a decision that will benefit us for the rest of our lives! Where we can build our dreams, work on our careers and still see different parts of the world at the same time!
I’m not saying I disagree with any of what has been said, it’s a blog, people write blogs to express their feelings and thoughts! Of course it is going to be bias! However from the age of 18 your classed as an adult which means you can do what the hell you want! But don’t push things too quickly see where life takes you first. If your destined to be married at 23 then that is what’s going to happen (how amazing) but at the end of the day age is just a number when your an adult. Enjoy life, pug boundaries and live your dreams! You only get to do it once!
Xoxo
“Get a tattoo. It’s more permanent than marriage.” Priceless. Hilarious. Thank you.
Wow you’re right, this IS a major Millenial thing. Not “getting married before 23”, which is not a major Millenial thing at all (not sure what your background is, but in North America as a whole it’s a known fact that this is not the case). But feeling the need to use, as you say, “The Facebook” to feed your insecurities and JUDGE everyone you know, THAT is a major Millenial thing. So you think you don’t have the maturity to get married right now. You’re right, I read what you wrote and I don’t think so either. That’s not a bad thing, you’re probably making the right decision. But what gives you any right to judge other people on their own personal religion/values system/relationship? What makes you so sure that you’re superior to them? Some people don’t like to travel, some people want to stay at home. Some people are religious and don’t believe in having sex before marriage. Just because you’re not “like them” doesn’t make you superior to them. It doesn’t make you inferior to them either, BTW, so there’s no need to get so defensive. No one is judging you for being single. If you’re from some small town you should move to New York or something, you will meet tons of people just like you. You’re no better or worse than anyone else.
If you believe that marriage is a cop-out then you’re not as well versed on the subject as you might think. If anything you should wait to get married because life gets HARDER after marriage. It’s most certainly not a “safety blanket”. I love my wife with all of my heart and I do not regret marrying her. Never have. But my life did not get easier when we married it got harder, albeit much more meaningful. Kissing strangers and dating 2 people at once sound like a cop-out to me. That’s saying you’re not ready, mature enough or too scared to be truly vulnerable with another human. That’s a safety blanket.
I totally agree with u and like i said in my reply marriage is the greatest adventure i have ever had and i was in the military. Ty for ur post brother.
You see, I think that’s exactly the point! As a young woman, she’s not ready. I know LOTS of young girls that feel so insecure and just settle with the first guy there is only because they feel no one will ever love them the same, in addition to other reasons. I don’t believe she’s saying that every marriage will be unsuccessful or that your personal marriage will not prosper, but unfortunately for a lot of young couples it won’t. You’re lucky to have found someone who you love, and loves you unconditionally at a young age. Most people are just in the mindset that if they don’t hurry, settle down as fast as they can, then love/marriage will not find them. As she said, I’m sure if your wife was not ready, and if you love her as much as you say (not questioning your relationship), you’d wait for her. 2 days, 2 months, 2 years. Youth is also beautiful and vulnerable, and the message I got here was to find and love yourself first. A lot of this generation has become so dependent on other people for their own happiness. THE THRILL of kissing a stranger and participating in these other “spontaneous” activities. Do we want to do these things at 40, 50? (Maybe some people do.) We’re only young for so long.
This is for the girls and boys that believe marriage is a rush.
Loving the comments more than the article. I was married at 23 and I know for a fact that if you find “the one” that they will want to do, or let you do, whatever you want! And a few things on the list are immature and shouldn’t be done, even if single…..lol. It’s a pretty stereotypical list anyway. Everyone’s different, don’t let marriage hold you back!
I’m sorry, but ‘makeout with a stranger’, ‘date two people at once and see how long it takes to blow up in your face’ (???), ‘disappoint your parents’ and ‘make strangers feel uncomfortable in public places’ aren’t things that I aspire to do EVER, whether I’ll be engaged at 23 or not. Let alone ‘be selfish’ – I think that I understand your underlying message of doing things for yourself, but I personally (and morally) don’t have ANY desire or aspiration to be selfish, makeout with strangers, screw two people over at once and hurt them (do you really think this is an imperative thing to do, for anybody, ever? disgusting), disappoint my parents, and randomly make strangers feel uncomfortable in public places. I’m not even sure what led you to include that last one.
Aside from the content of what you wrote, I think it says a lot about who you are as a person. Right now, you represent the complete ignorance and misguidance of youth today, not only because of what you wrote, but because of the underlying criticism and bitterness you held in your post about people who are married and engaged at or under the age of 23.
There’s a reason you haven’t been in a serious relationship. People who are selfish, and date two people at once to see how long it takes to blow up in their face, make strangers feel uncomfortable, etc, aren’t necessarily top candidates for a successful relationship. Spewing your judgement and opinion towards people in your article only makes you look ridiculous, proves why your’e single, and the people who reposted this agreeing with you are some of the saddest, loneliest (and/or sluttiest) people I know (coming from a list of people who reposted it on my facebook, twitter, etc)
I’m 21, have been in a relationship for a few months. I’ve had my days of drinking and going crazy, and I know how to have fun. I’m free, I’ve found ‘my thing’, I’m happy. And I truly envy anybody that is strong enough and in a secure enough relationship to get engaged and married before the age of 23.
When you DO fall in love and find yourself in a functioning relationship, you’ll realize how embarrassing your blog post has been to not only yourself, but to the chunk of society that blindly agreed with you..
I’m sorry, but ‘makeout with a stranger’, ‘date two people at once and see how long it takes to blow up in your face’ (???), ‘disappoint your parents’ and ‘make strangers feel uncomfortable in public places’ aren’t things that I aspire to do EVER, whether I’ll be engaged at 23 or not. Let alone ‘be selfish’ – I think that I understand your underlying message of doing things for yourself, but I personally (and morally) don’t have ANY desire or aspiration to be selfish, makeout with strangers, screw two people over at once and hurt them (do you really think this is an imperative thing to do, for anybody, ever? disgusting), disappoint my parents, and randomly make strangers feel uncomfortable in public places. I’m not even sure what led you to include that last one.
Aside from the content of what you wrote, I think it says a lot about who you are as a person. Right now, you represent the complete ignorance and misguidance of youth today, not only because of what you wrote, but because of the underlying criticism and bitterness you held in your post about people who are married and engaged at or under the age of 23.
There’s a reason you haven’t been in a serious relationship. People who are selfish, and date two people at once to see how long it takes to blow up in their face, make strangers feel uncomfortable, etc, aren’t necessarily top candidates for a successful relationship. Spewing your judgement and opinion towards people in your article only makes you look ridiculous, proves why your’e single, and the people who reposted this agreeing with you are some of the saddest, loneliest (and/or sluttiest) people I know (coming from a list of people who reposted it on my facebook, twitter, etc)
I’m 21, have been in a relationship for a few months. I’ve had my days of drinking and going crazy, and I know how to have fun. I’m free, I’ve found ‘my thing’, I’m happy. And I truly envy anybody that is strong enough and in a secure enough relationship to get engaged and married before the age of 23.
When you DO fall in love and find yourself in a functioning relationship, you’ll realize how embarrassing your blog post has been to not only yourself, but to the chunk of society that blindly agreed with you.