23 Things To Do Instead Of Getting Engaged Before You’re 23
As 2013 wraps up, I’ve been noticing more and more people getting engaged and/or married under the age of 23.
I get it.
It’s cold outside… you want to cuddle and talk about your feelings… life after graduation is a tough transition… so why not just cut to the chase and get married, right? It’s hip. It’s cool. You get to wear clothing that wouldn’t normally be socially acceptable at the dive bar you frequent with the $5 beers. Eff it. YOLO. YOMO! You only marry once…
Oh wait.
The divorce rate for young couples is more than twice the national average. Divorce is no longer a staple in a midlife crisis, but rather, something that SEVENTEEN Magazine should probably be printing on. Headlines could read,
“How to budget for your prom AND your wedding in the same year!”
“What’s HOT: Kids raising Kids.”
“Why your Mom doesn’t really know what she’s talking about.”
Because at the age of 22, I have no idea who I am, what I’m doing, and who I’ll be doing it with for the next year… let alone for the rest of my life. And that’s awesome.
Some day, I want to get married too. I want a floor length dress with a ton of cleavage. I want it to be in Asia, with Ethiopian food, and a filthy scotch selection to calm my nerves when I inevitably start to panic and hyperventilate. But WANT and NEED are two entirely different things. I NEED to develop MY dreams and MYSELF before I can truly be the type of woman you WANT to marry.
What inspired me to scribble down my feelings (so many feelings!) is The Facebook. I’m seeing all of these notifications that “X and Y” have joined in matrimony and instantly, these waves of anxiety start to flow over me. Should I be thinking about marriage? I’ve never even had a serious boy friend? Is there something wrong with me? WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME AND WHY HAS NO ONE TOLD ME ABOUT IT FOR ALL THESE YEARS!?
But then I look at my life, my relationships, and my future… and I realize that, I’m fucking awesome. It literally isn’t me, it’s them.
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I have begun to notice a common thread amongst all these young unions: inexperience. Inexperience with dating, traveling, risks, higher education, career direction, SEX, solitude, religious exploration, etc… and it’s insane that I have already experienced more of the world in the last 22 years than my married peers will ever experience in their life.
I can’t help but feel like a lot of these unions are a cop-out.
It is a way for young people to hide behind a significant other instead of dealing with life’s highs and lows on their own. It’s a safety blanket. It’s an admission that the world is just too big and scary to deal with it on your own; thus, you now have someone that is legally obligated to support you till one of you dies or files for divorce.
Which could be tomorrow, because the LGTBQ community isn’t ruining the sanctity of marriage, the Kardashian family is.
If your love is truly eternal, what’s the rush? If it’s real, that person will continue to be committed to you 2 months from now, 2 years from now, and 2 decades from now. Grow, learn, travel, party, cuddle, read, explore. Do. Freaking. Something… other than “settle down” at 23 with a white picket fence.
Because you owe it to yourself. You are a human being that deserves to thrive inside AND outside of a relationship.
We are not our parent’s generation. I’m tired of hearing about how “my mom and dad got married young and X, Y and Z” because they were raised with a completely different set of values, priorities, and without the anxieties and adulterous risks that comes with the worldwide web. I’m speaking directly to the Millennials.
Millennials deserve the opportunity to develop ourselves, alone.
I recognize that my opinion is not going to be popular on The Facebook… especially amongst those who fall into the “under 23” category. I would be confused if I didn’t receive some sort of online backlash or a loss of friends on The Facebook. Some how… I will move forward.
But in the words of my 15 year-old sister, “Sorry I’m not sorry.”
Sure. Some days I wake up and stare at my ceiling thinking: “I’m single as fuck.” But then I realize that those friends are going to get knocked up and fat soon sssoooo in retrospect, who really is winning here? I’m in China. I’m having the best time of my life. I am responsible for my own happiness.
Please enjoy these 23 things to do instead of getting engaged before you’re 23.
1. Get a passport.
2. Find your “thing.”
3. Make out with a stranger.
4. Adopt a pet.
5. Start a band.
6. Make a cake. Make a second cake. Have your cake and eat it too.
7. Get a tattoo. It’s more permanent than a marriage.
8. Explore a new religion.
9. Start a small business.
10.Cut your hair.
11. Date two people at once and see how long it takes to blow up in your face.
12. Build something with your hands.
13. Accomplish a Pinterest project.
14. Join the Peace Corps.
15. Disappoint your parents.
16. Watch GIRLS, over and over again.
17. Eat a jar of Nutella in one sitting.
18. Make strangers feel uncomfortable in public places.
19. Sign up for CrossFit.
20. Hangout naked in front of a window.
21. Write your feelings down in a blog.
22. Be selfish.
23. Come with me to the Philippines for Chinese New Year.
… because at the end of the day, I just gotta wander onwards. Wishing everyone whiskey and wanderlust during the holidays.
XOXO V
Vanessa Wachtmeister is a travel tech professional and the creator of the wealth & wanderlust platform, Wander Onwards. Vanessa is originally from Los Angeles, California, she is a proud Chicana, and she has been living abroad for the last 9 years. Today, she helps people pursue financial and location independence through her ‘Move Abroad’ Master Class, financial literacy digital products, and career workshops.
The truest sign of happiness (in my opinion) is finding joy in other people’s successes as well as yours… not knocking them down in order to validate your personal journey.
I’ve done nearly all the things you’ve listed above aside from starting a band (I’d much rather see a concert than be on stage, maybe that’s just me) and I’ve been happily married for a few years now. My husband was also instrumental in helping me launch my own small business at the age of 25 and many of the awesome experiences you’ve listed above have been shared with him… adopting a pet, getting a passport, traveling the world, trying new physical activities, etc.
Enjoy China and every single moment while in it, I sure am enjoying life as a married, young twenty-something. I hope you find your own inner-peace.
@ hullabaloosandcurlycues – on point girl- totally loved your post.
Totally disagree. This article is so stupid. I am 22 and have been with my fiance for over 3 very happy years. I have done half of the crap on that list, don’t even want to do the rest on there. Hip and cool?? Is that why you think I said yes? I dont give a flying shit about an image, I live my life how i want. I have also had my fill of relationships (shitty ones) and not getting treated and taken care of how I should. Screw religion- we are all here together and came from the same place regardless of what anyone believes it is. Honey trust me i am not with him for a safety blanket- not one ounce of fear in this chick. And I didn’t even go to college nor do I want to. I’m also actually in a meaninful relationship- not some college sleezball partying and having sex with multiple men and not remembering the next day. I may be 22 but so what I have definitely always been mature for my age. I can follow my dreams still – and have a companion to help me if I need it. Sure we could have waited but no that’s not what happened and don’t regret it one bit. I’m not in prison like you are making all of this seem. I know myself, and know what I want aswell. Who are you to say you shouldnt get engaged until a certain age- who made you a queen of anything? I even feel that we have grown together/better eachother aswell as showing eachother things we didnt know about ourselves. Getting knocked up and fat because they are engaged LOL wow. You are too much. I didn’t go out hunting someone to get engaged by 23- we found each other and it happened. And we definitely arent “settled down” we still have just as much fun as anyone else whether its together or with friends. You seem to be salty as hell and why do you care what anyone else does with their lives you should concentrate on your own miss perfect. None of the crap on that list is anywhere near as important as the bond that I have with the love of my life and best friend.Screw your statistics and nutella.
Agree with ^
I get it that YOU don’t want to get ‘settled’ right now.. I get it that seeing this happening around you can make you feel a little like ‘errrr okayyy what is happening…??’.
But realize one thing: these people are NOT getting hooked to show YOU down! And neither should you feel unsettled because someone else your age is getting settled!!
It seems like your post is reflects your sense of feeling ‘threatened’ and you seem to have used it to somewhat pacify those set of feelings…
This was awesome. Everyone has a right to their opinion but those who got angry over mere words obviously missed the entire point of them. Marriage is one of many experiences to have in a lifetime but regardless of how understanding and supportive your spouse is there are a million and one experiences that will never happen being married by age 23 and especially if you bring kids into the equation.
I’m currently living in a foreign country studying medicine married to my wife who happens to be a nurse. we are both under 23. Then again, I guess we aren’t the normal 22 year olds either…lol anyways, interesting article.
I love this article! Don’t mind the people who are close minded to say that you’re immature, it hits the right points! You are entitled to an opinion, and the way the “married” got defensive is so hilarious! Keep posting!
I’m 23 and unmarried with no desire to rush into marriage in the near future, but I disagree with you. Everybody is different. I understand the divorce rate is high, but that had more to do with the selfishness of our generation than anything else. Isn’t that the reason you wrote this? The 23 reasons you gave are all about YOU. I, personally, have done most of your checklist things and the rest don’t appeal to me. I don’t feel more accomplished than my young married counterparts. Some people are ready to marry young. Some people are not. The reason my grandmother’s marriage lasted until death do we part is because they nurtured and cherished their relationship. They had hard times, but they didn’t give up. I know people who get married at 30 who aren’t that mature. I have several family members around my age that got married young and still love and respect their partner. I just haven’t met “that guy” yet. I may never meet him. The real reason to get married whether young or old is love not selfishness. Your reasons may work for you, but don’t place others in your box based on your limited experiences.
You’re fucking awesome. All of these people are getting so defensive it’s hilarious. This is just your opinion. They happen to disagree, but I personally think you’re right. I mean, I know you’re not speaking for EVERYONE, but you definitely hit on some great points, which is why people are getting on your case about it. I love being on my own, doing what I want, and not caring about anything. I don’t want this forever, but for now, this is me; this is what I think is the best situation. You also expressed moments of panic about being single, and of course, people just glossed over that, as though you are some kind of idiot who only cares about bringing people who got married before 23 down. I can’t believe how backwards it is that people can blast their happiness on getting married young, but when you speak out about remaining single, everyone freaks out.
Correction: I care about a lot. Too much sometimes. I know that it’s my time to explore and figure out what is most valuable to me. I felt like it was taking me so long compared to many people who are getting married and seem to have to have it all perfectly aligned. Thank you for writing this because I felt supported in my goals. I don’t think you were trying to bring anyone down, just because you poked a little fun at people.
I want to start by saying that do not feel you are entirely wrong. However, I completely disagree with your reasoning behind your arguments and the rude manner in which you are tackling them. I am 20 and have been with my boyfriend for 5 years. Shortly after finishing college, we intend to marry. What works for some will not work for others.
Also, one popular misconception people have that really annoys me is the following:
Your opinion: “What’s HOT: Kids raising Kids.”
Fact: Teen pregnancy rates have been dropping for several decades. Look into it.
Now, regarding the rest of your arguments…
“I’m seeing all of these notifications that “X and Y” have joined in matrimony and instantly, these waves of anxiety start to flow over me”
Why is it that others getting married causes YOU anxiety? I don’t understand that.
“But then I look at my life, my relationships, and my future… and I realize that, I’m fucking awesome. It literally isn’t me, it’s them.”
Of course it is them, it is their marriage. Why on earth would it have anything to do with you? If marriage at a young age were the norm, perhaps you should be concerned. Why is it that you feel the need to degrade the choices of other individuals?
“I can’t help but feel like a lot of these unions are a cop-out.”
Are they reckless? Probably. Crazy? Maybe. But using marriage as a cop-out? Come on.
“But then I realize that those friends are going to get knocked up and fat soon sssoooo in retrospect, who really is winning here?”
I understand this was meant lightly. But based off of your entire post, it seems that you are insecure and over compensating. These people getting married are not trying to compete with you in any way. They could give a damn if you think you have “won” some form of better life choice award. This may blow your mind, but commitment does not have to be the end of your independence. You can explore your individuality in a relationship. If you can’t, you’re probably not doing it right. Those are the people that should not be marrying young.
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considering it used to be normal to be married at age 17 I would say 23 is an improvement. I did many of the things on your list by the time I was mmm probably 19 (minus the degrading completely self destructive ones) and met the love of my life, got engaged, travelled all over, got my BFA, and will be married at 24. Now I have so much more to accomplish, and having someone else in my life isn’t a burden. If you ask me, the problem with this generation is selfishness, which is why the divorce rate is so high. It’s probably better to try and experience selfless love by the age of 23.
I completely agree with you, well said.
I truly love this-it’s not a shaming of people who choose to get married young, but rather the writer’s testimony of why it’s not for her, and why she thinks that most people at 23 need to do a lot more self-discovery without worrying about a lifetime attachment to another person (and most, not all, but MOST 23 years olds do). It’s a testament to living while your young and not jumping into a lifelong commitment without knowing who you truly are yet, something that should be appaluded
You are fucking awesome. Literally so awesome. I go to Ole Miss, home of the MRS degrees, i am in a sorority. All the girls here are on a massive man hunt. I want to travel the world. I want to live, not merely exist. Being single sucks sometimes, but what sucks even more is being in a relationship that holds you back from seeing the world and self discovery. The people above saying they pity you,…. i pity them for being so closed minded that they can’t realize that this is your opinion and you are entitled to it. Keep doing you, because you’re doing a hell of a lot more than most girls our age.
A very ignorant and immature article. I did not get married at the age of 21 because I decided that I just really wanted to get married. Your idea of marriage completely takes out the love, sacrifice, and sacredness of it all. Please excuse my “inexperience” as surely I can never be as mature or smart as you if I don’t visit as many countries. Disregard my clear need just to cuddle as I tell you what marriage is, since you clearly have it wrong. Marriage is not the long white dress. It’s not a white picket fence. It’s not the end of your dreams and ambitions. It’s not the end of your education. It’s not the end of your life. Your views on marriage represent why there is a growing divorce rate. I’ve never heard such selfish views before. Marriage is not about you. Marriage is about your best friend, someone you would cut your own arm off for. You don’t say ‘I do’ because you’re thinking about how this person can add so much to your life experiences. You don’t join someone in holy matrimony because you’re all done “discovering yourself” and don’t need anything else out of life. You marry someone because you can’t live without them, and while you know that person will bless your life more than you’ll ever know…you care more about how you can bless his/her life. You marry someone when you have found the person you want to continue growing and discovering the world with. Hopefully by now you have figured out why you sound selfish and immature. It’s not, what can this marriage do for me? It is what can I do for this marriage? How can I make this person happier every day?
Sorry if my comment is muddled at all. I was insulted by your article.
Oh, and I also have a perfect baby boy…yes I am 23 years old. I live a life full of more love and happiness than you could ever imagine. Someday you’ll meet your future husband and then you’ll understand.
Everybody has their opinion, it just so happens that I find hers more to my way of thinking, and you have expressed yours in a way that brings her down. There are ways to express yourself without hating on other peoples opinions. So when I find my other half, and it may be next year or next week, I’ll remember what you’ve said about the subject, but until then I’ll continue to disagree with you.
She expressed her opinion in such a way that it brings down everyone who has been engaged before the age of 23. Some comments may be forceful replies, but just because she essentially called a large group dumb and unable to live a full life.
Im 16 and i despise this article. Its seems that whoever wrote this is so shallow. Cant you mature up a bit? Besides, i dont see how being engaged at 23 is such a big problem.
Good for you. You have a good head on your shoulders!
Here I am, just having dropped my husband off at school.
Reading everything on this list…I would MUCH rather be married than off “making out with strangers,” marriage is the most gratifying experience of my life.
I would rather be at home each night talking and laughing with my husband than across the ocean in some foreign land by myself. NOTHING compares to marriage. It is the best thing that has ever happened. While you may have an opinion (as do I obviously), don;t lay the, “I’m right, you’re wrong game.” Maybe a, this is what I am doing before marriage…but come on, we can;t all be robots who do the same stuff and get married at 25..come on..
I was engaged at 19 and married at 20 and I can honestly say nothing is better than being married to your other half! This article was written by someone who thinks they have all the answers and think they have lived or will live more than the married person. Let me honestly say I lived my own life before I got married… but I didn’t REALLY live and love life as much until I got married. It helps being with a good man
THANK YOU. I have friends who are engaged at 18, and they totally fit the bill of “inexperienced”. So many people don’t realize that there’s more to life than a significant other.
And even though life doesn’t end when you get married, it sure as hell changes. Responsibilities and expectations change, and it’s so important to experience solitude and learn about yourself–you need to live your own life before you attempt to live life with another.
Yes, you can have significant life experiences while married, but experiencing these alone is so drastically different.
And the justification of “if he’s the one, why wait”? If he’s really “the one”, why not wait? Wait until you are both secure in who you are as individuals.
I’m not rejecting young marriage as a whole, its good for some people. But from what I’ve seen, it can’t hurt to give the relationship some time. Especially if you’re 18.
Thank you for your perspective, this is a great article!
I completely agree! Too many young people dive into marriage at a young age because they think it will make things easier, but marriage is NOT the solution to your personal problems. You should deal with these on your own because a relationship will just complicate it–not only will you have your own needs to take care of, but you suddenly have your spouse’s need to take into consideration. If you’re getting married for the right reasons and are secure in yourself, then I think that’s fine. But a lot of people just don’t know what they’re getting into.
I respectfully disagree. I was engaged at 19 and married at 20. My guy and I were together for 4 years before we got married. We knew that this was it and that there was no one else out there for us. It was a mutual understanding. Getting married does NOT mean you won’t get to experience anything anymore. It just means now you have someone by your side to experience these things with.
I am not against people who want to wait until they are older to be married and who want to experience things on their own first. That fits YOU however, not everyone is meant to lead that life. I am happier now being married to the love of my life and going on adventures WITH him than I was before we got married. He is my other half and life is so much more fun with him. Marriage is not perfect. It’s a lot of work. but it is worth it!
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This is a really stupid post. Cheers.
This is clearly written by a 16 year old who knows nothing about life or love. Someone who is so extremely immature and still needs time to grow up.
AGREE!!
You clearly missed the entire point of the article, which is that she needs to grow up before she can settle down and get engaged. It’s hilarious to see all of these people in their early 20’s (if even that) saying that they’ve found the one and they’re going to get married. GROW UP. Learn who you are as an independent adult before you tie yourself to another person. Speaking as someone who is in their mid 20’s and still is changing each and every day, you are not going to be the same person you are when you were 18, 19, 20, 21, or 22. You aregoing to change and grow every single year and what happens when your significant other doesn’t like the person that you’ve turned into? What Vanessa is saying is WAIT to be the person you’re supposed to be. Discover yourself.
If you think that’s immature than you’re probably one of those girls who’s 19 and engaged and believes that you both are TOTALLY ready for marriage. Because I”m sure you’ve dealt with life in the real world…
I do not believe this article is true at all nor what you are saying. I got married at 21 and am now 27. Yes it is true that you do change as a person especially during your 20s but if you are with someone that you are going to spend the rest of your life with, who is your other half and you knew that deep down inside when you got married than you guys will grow together as a couple. Its immature relationships that make you grow apart and being young and in love does not qualify as an immature relationship. You could be 50 years old getting married and your relationship is not mature enough to last so who are you to tell someone that finding their true love and getting married before 23 is BS and they need to grow up. I am sorry to hear that you obviously have not found your soul mate but that doesn’t mean just because you haven’t found yours and your in your mid twenties that people younger than you haven’t either. You can’t force love, love just happens and you DEFINITELY can not control what age you find it.
Wow, the amount of under 23’s I know who have been married and still do everything and anything they want. Marriage doesn’t stop your dreams, it doesn’t stop you visiting the world, it doesn’t stop you experiencing life. Get over yourself.
I’m not married, It’s not in my future any time soon. However, I do believe when you meet the RIGHT person who you fall IN LOVE with then why bother waiting? Get married.
You can still travel. You can still have major life experiences. Your life can still go on. Unless you choose to stop it and just saying there are plenty of SINGLES out there who never want to travel, who have already SETTLED down with themselves.
Relationship status, age, love none of these things actually determine how you life or dream are going to pan out. It’s up to the individual to keep their dreams alive whether married or not!
Such an ignorant blog.
I love it!! If you disagree there’s plenty of other articles out there for you to read!
i love your response. The fact that you showed you can include your husband in all 23 facts. I don’t know what made the writer so closed minded towards marriage but those are no reason to postpone getting married. .
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this is one of the most ignorant, biased articles I’ve ever read. Very generalizing and quick to assume about other peoples’ lives.
I completely agree. When and if you really, fully love someone and decide to get married, it’s not an end. You can still do anything you want while your married. Also, marriage doesn’t mean that kids have to come right away. People can travel, have my cake and eat it too and tons of other stuff while their married. Marriage isn’t supposed to tie you down but it’s supposed to make you open to a whole other world. A world that can be shared by two. This article puts everybody’s relationship in the same category and while there are some couples like this, mine is not one. I am not subject to a routine because I’m engaged. We travel, have fun and have a cuddle buddy at night. There is nothing wrong with that.
I agree as well. I am 23 now and I am not engaged, married, or otherwise. I have a wonderful boyfriend who I have known for two years. When we have talked about getting MARRIED, it was a mutual agreement to wait until we graduate college. Why? Because then we don’t have to worry about the stresses of college and the stress of a wedding. However, people can be engaged for a while without having to get married right after. The wonderful thing about marriage is being able to share all of these experiences with someone else. The way you’re talking is that everyone who gets engaged young is doomed to fail. That’s simply not true. The reason a lot of these young relationships fail is because of the reasons they CHOOSE to get married. People are inevitably in love with the idea of love. They think marriage will fix every problem they have ever had and they will somehow find eternal happiness. Young girls these days want the wedding. They want the dress, the attention, the ring… Everything. They are in love with the idea of forever and usually jump at the first person that offers it to them. This is a very dangerous decision!! I completely agree with that point. These people are hardly taking any time to set up their futures and really get to know the other person. However, you should scoff at those who get married for the right reasons. Some, granted not all, couples have the complete emotional and financial maturity to get married.Those are usually the people who have dated for over a year AT LEAST, have communicated a lot in whether it’s best to get engaged/married at the time, and have made the decision accordingly. My boyfriend and I do not drink, party, or any of that other stuff you mentioned. And you know what, I’M COMPLETELY HAPPY WITH THAT. I know who I am and what I want to me; AND have worked very hard to get there! I support his dreams and he supports mine. WE RESPECT EACH OTHER. THAT is why our relationship works. We have learned that being a grown up is really stinkin hard. And as you so eloquently put it, we have moved forward. Yes, one should absolutely find themselves and who they are before settling down with someone else. Why again? Because it’s not their job to figure it out for you. You should be able to be happy on your own and with them. If that takes some people longer: GREAT! If they can figure it out in their early 20’s: FAN-BLOODY-TASTIC! But living doesn’t just mean doing a whole lot of stupid or non-stupid stuff before you’re tied down to someone until your inevitable doom. It means doing the things that make you happy. And if that one guy/girl does that: THEN DO WHAT YOU FEEL IS RIGHT WHEN IT’S THE RIGHT TIME FOR YOU!!
She’s young, ignorant, and can’t find the right guy. So she writes a ridiculous list and ridicules all married people. I married at 23, my husband and I travelled to France, Italy, Germany, UK…after we had our kids we still managed to travel to Thailand, East Malaysia, Philippines. Husband went to Japan and India! We have three beautiful children and we’re living life!!!!
Her list consists of breaking your parents heart? Having two relationships simultaneously? Making out with a complete stranger? Her statement “get a tattoo, it’s more permanent then a marriage” shows that her view towards marriage is already tainted…
Well. I guess if you have that kind of moral standards, then go right ahead!!! If you found the right one, age is not the question.
Here are a few reasons why I think this is bullshit:
1. I think you might be confusing solitude with self-righteousness.
2. The natural necessity that is human connection is most definitely not a “cop-out” because all of those experiences that you’re claiming are “owed” to our generation could be enriched entirely by doing them with someone you love (no different than if you traveled with your best friend, or started a small business with your sister).
3. The sanctity of marriage is defined solely by those within each individual marriage. The fact that marriages have taken place in history under less than magical circumstances will not be a factor in my decision to do so in the future.
4. Believing that true, long-lasting love has prerequisites is exactly why you’re not in it. Damn near everyone everywhere will say on their deathbed that they wished they had done more, loved more freely, judged less, was more open-minded ect.
5. The amount of preachy nonsense up there tells me that you know a lot more about who you are than you’re letting on. We, as humans, are changing constantly; no one every really knows who they are. Who is really doing the coping out?
6. Getting a tattoo removed and divorcing are comparatively equal in difficulty and have similar success rates so, no, getting a tattoo is not so definitively more permanent than a marriage.
Dear Wander Onwards,
I get what you’re trying to say, just like every other fucking blog out there, written by people in their 20s who think they know everything, Maybe wait till you’re in your 30s to start giving advice to 20 year olds. We trust advice from those who have lived it, not those living it, or wanting trying to live it (which you so desperately are), maybe hold off and see if these things will add to your live before you verbally dispose of it of the internet.
Also, though some of the things you suggest are fun, some are just mean and not very agape in my opinion. Date two people at the same time, most 20 year old are selfish enough, so encouraging them to be even more selfish and less considerate of other people’s feelings is terrible advice. You also plainly state, ‘be selfish’, surely society is already rapidly moving towards a state of self importance and lack of humility for others, especially with everything becoming instant, we have no patience and time for those who are different. There are other points that I thoroughly disagree with, but I won’t tear your whole post to shreds.
I just though I should let you know that, what you’re saying is generic, boring and anyone with half a brain will take caution in heeding your so called advice. Also, most of the things on your list, aren’t anything special, it’s not exactly a bucket list and if it’s not exciting, intriguing, spiritually or intellectually beneficial, then why write about it. I don’t think watching ‘Girls’ will make be a more wholesome member of the world.
I suggest you stop thinking of yourself as the center of the universe and that your word is to be heard. Do a bit of growing up, learn things and then you can infect the internet with your thoughts of what YOU consider to be the best way to spend your 20’s. I’m sure we all can’t wait what else you have to say.
Best,
Zara
p.s. I’m 24 FYI.
Im soon to be 24, married going on 2 years, mother of a one yr old, college student/homemaker. I have done a lot of things on that list before and during my marriage. Getting a passport can be done by almost anyone at anytime. I baked alot before I started back to college, i ate nutella while pregnant, I’ve done alot. Dont get why you feel you can’t do those things with a husband…my hubby is my best friend and I’ve enjoyed things more with him than I did alone. I wouldn’t consider those valid reasons to not get married. Plus a jar of nutella in one sitting would probably put on more pounds than getting knocked up. In fact, I know it will. This would probably be a good article if you have lived both lives. Don’t knock it until you try it. I think kids are more of a precious gift than youth is.
I am 22, Married, and done nearly all of these things ( a couple of them I seriously regret). The only thing I have not done, that I would have the remotest interest in doing, would be joining the peace corp. You got me there. The problem with this post is not your life plan, but your arrogance in assuming everyone else who isn’t doing what you are doing has it wrong. The problem isn’t them and their lifestyle, or your lifestyle for that matter. Rather, it is the fact that you are too concerned about yourself in relation to them. Be happy with who you are, and be happy for them that they are who they are. To be comfortable with yourself, and realize that you are, as you say, fucking awesome, does not mean that you have to put them down.
Just some food for your thoughts.
Being married also doesn’t mean you have to give up traveling or experiencing new things. You just have to marry someone with the same goals. Having kids doesn’t either for that matter. You just have to be good at planning, and then you have a group of people with whom you have made lasting and bonding memories.
You practically summed up my brain in this. Great job.
Of course I don’t agree with everything, I’m a Muslim, so I’m not making out with strangers or hanging out naked in front of a window. But I get your point, and I definitely agree.
India tour.. 😛
hahaa I love this I thought I was the only one who thought like this…
Thank you for the article.
The message that I took from the lists and the overall article, was that the young 20’s is a time to explore who you are and experience different aspects of life.
I am a recent graduate and like many others, as graduation approach I was filled with panic. Where i was going to live? Landing a job in a tough job market? How I was going to pay an outrageous student loan?
I studied abroad in my junior year, have traveled plenty, and have experience many different friendships. I have always loved adventure. Craved spontaneous interactions. Enjoyed Intellectual conversations.
Yet, what i craved more than anything as graduation approached was security. So instead of taking the time to develop my career, explore, and enjoying my youth. I ran to my boyfriend for support.
Of course, being in a relationship is an experience itself. As there is no feeling like being in love. Yet, what by running to him i was running from myself. In by ignoring myself, I ended up in a very abusive relationship. And i ended up pregnant, twice .
Of course, i had choice all along. I of course stayed with him after his fits of anger and rage. I, of course, choose to not to use a condom and risk getting pregnant. And, I, of course, choose to after a miscarriage, to try to get pregnant again. Which too ended in a short loss.
I left the relationship after my two miscarriages. The biggest lesson i can share is that you have to develop yourself and live and experience life before you settle down. You have to know yourself to know what you want out of man.
However, i do disagree that young mother cannot be good mothers. I would have been a great mother if my body had not rejected those babies.
Love is beautiful but as you said, what is the rush. And if you do find yourself into a very serious relationship, so young, as yourself, is it out of security.
Everyone will have different experiences. But love yourself and take time to be with you. I look forward to the day i can be a mother and be i a serious relationship. Yet until then, I am more than happy to explore, travel, cook, be with friends, meet different people, and love.
This would be different if you were in a relationship and CHOOSING to not get married before 23. It’s so much easier to say, “well- I didn’t want to get married young anyways!!” when you haven’t even had a serious relationship. This kinda just sounds like one big consolation for you so you can justify your feelings of loneliness. For a person who has never been in love or given birth, how can you judge? I’ve known friends that dated for 7 years and got divorced 2 years later, yet my cousin married his girlfriend after dating for only a year and they have been married 8 years now. There’s no magic formula!
A lot of those things on your list can be accomplished with a partner AND still be fulfilling– minus a few (dating two people at once… really? I wouldn’t do this even if I was trying to enjoy single life). Some of the things that liberate me the most (adopting a pet, new religion, haircut, seeing the world) were only made significant because I have had someone I can share these experiences with who will respond in a positive and encouraging way.
One day you will experience love where someone else’s happiness is your own. You’ll do things together, not because you have to- but because you wouldn’t have it any other way. I’m telling you, this feeling will have you FLOORED! And you too will become what you once judged so harshly. But really? You’re writing this way because right now you don’t have a choice. You’re not dating anyone and you’re not CHOOSING to not marry before 23.
I have done all but number 7. I think you’re on to something. Once you get the little stuff out of the way, the larger picture comes into play. 🙂
I read a few comments expressing the opposite opinion and I agree with both sides. I, myself, am totally not down for any type of serious commitment right now. I barely grazed on who I am and who I want to be. For me, I can’t imagine sharing my life with someone just yet because I know my feelings will change and things will end badly. Commitment is right for some people ’cause they got what they want in life already. For others like me, we are taking time to experience ourselves and want to selfish before we commit and especially before kids. Love the #11 btw haha had me cracking up so bad!!
I’m proud to say that I have done a couple of your suggestions (or close to it) and I’m in a relationship and only 22. I appreciate this insight. Thank you!
ha! love this! i think ill try point 11. thanks! 😉
I stumbled upon this on a google search. I just want to say your fucking awesome. I’m 23 and single..all my friends are either married , engaged…or divorced..lol. I was starting to feel depressed, like I was a weirdo or something for not even having a serious relationship much less being married. You made a lot of good points I can relate to. Especially waking up feeling single as fuck…staring at the ceiling. You helped set me on a better train of thought and I’m sure this blog will help others. Thanks..from a fellow single-23’er.
Read everything single words, I will say it awesome, we all have right to our view and opinion on a thing, why insult
Her when she was only speaking her mind..over the years I have seen young ones got married and mess up..divorcing at the end of it,,and over same year I have seen mature people got married and ended up with divorce..the truth is that maturity is not in age… U end up getting divorce becos you fail to prepare for marriage,many girl think its just to get a partner then get married the truth is that marriage is like a battle field u don’t go into the field to prepare u prepare to fight.. So the bottom line is for u to get married when u think you are ready to settle for just one person,,, cos the truth of it is that “Forever is a long time” why rush into it?
Thos article is one of the stupidest things I’ve read on the internet….and that’s saying something. “So why not cut to the case and get married, right?” Whether you’re single, engaged, married, divorced, who cares?! And whether you’re 23 and marriex, what difference does it makes to you? If you want to get a passport and cut your hair, can’t you still do that when you’re married. I’m sorry but this article just sounds like a bitter single woman’s diary. I guess you believe that getting a tattoo and signing up to cross fit is more fulfilling than marrying the person you love (whether it lasts or not), but just because you’re single and bitter, and lets face it, repulsing men with your childish and supperficial outlook on life, doesn’t mean we should do the same. Grow up, and please stop writing stupid, immature articles. Sincerely,
24 year-old engaged woman (God forbid!), who has done 90% of these things on your list.
You know what? I think that being in a dedicated relationship isn’t going to stop me from getting a tattoo, adopting a pet, or eating Nutella. But thanks for mentioning these life changing goals to me. And of course your opinion is going to offend people when you put others down in an attempt to get your point across. If you truly believe in what you’ve said, we do you have to slam people in order to articulate yourself? I think we can both agree that some people are too immature to get married, and if that’s what you’ve decided for yourself, good for you!
Well I don’t know why some people are getting mad because if you marry at a young age you’ll probably get divorced. If you did marry at a young age and are still married, then you should be proud, but it’s no reason to get offended. The article is just trying to say that the MAJORITY (BUT NOT ALL) of these people don’t have the right mindset and should focus on other things. In the end life is what it is, so you can just make the most out of it.
“ways to judge other people while flaunting your privilege”
writing something similar right now– and cut your hair. try crossfit. and make out with a stranger are all on my list as well! I am 26, not married, and okay with it. although we have 3 save-the-dates on our fridge…
Honestly Im 19, almost 20. I want a husband and a child I feel as though the man Im in love with is the one for me.I do know that right now isnt the time for either of us and that ill wait till the time is right, yes as you grow older you mature more and more prepared to deal with a family. Im still in college i cant even afford food or gas let alone text books. I have been in love with him for 2 years but I am my own person, I make my own decisions and do my own things. I agree with this post but I also agree with some of the comments. experience is a wonderful thing and some of the experiences are not allowed while you have a lover such as sex with different people. I do agree that every one should experience more than just their first. But with in the three years ive known this man i have done more things than i ever would have done on my own. Who says marriage causes you to stop exploring and being adventurous and having fun? who says i couldnt go to china with him? Almost all of these things can be done while youre in a relationship with someone. The comment that really stuck out to me was the one saying you could get married at 30 and still end up getting a divorce in 5 years. You cant tell the future just because someone gets married young doesnt mean that person will get a divorce. Marrige is for people who are in the midset for marriage and on the same page. This entire article is circumstantial and depends on the person. Some people, like the person who wrote this article, is in a completely different midset than others. If she were to get married now it would fall to pieces in a heart beat. I know many people who are 22 and are the happiest couple i have ever seen and still going strong and who have probably done more than you have ever done in your life time. In all honesty I feel as though this article hits good points but was written by an immature girl who has never been in love and has many false assumptions of what ACTUAL LOVE really is. True love doesnt hold you back from any thing. (Dating two people at one time is an experience I wish i could give back and honestly the worste mistake of my life)
this is the dumbest post I have ever seen. You can pretty much do all the “23 OMG I AM SO RANDOM AND QUIRKY” things on your list when you are engaged, married or single. With the exception of “joining the peace corps” which came out of nowhere but you know… falls in line with being SO RANDOM OMG. I am happily engaged and have done most of the things on your list… with the exception of eating a whole jar of nutella because I am not a fat slob.
You’re right about one thing. Some people can’t read this and NOT be offended. Personally, I agree 100%. I have international plans after college, and couldn’t imagine fulfilling them with a husband . . . or even a boyfriend. You’re so inspirational. This is, by far, my FAVORITE post that you’ve done thus far.