23 Things To Do Instead Of Getting Engaged Before You’re 23
As 2013 wraps up, I’ve been noticing more and more people getting engaged and/or married under the age of 23.
I get it.
It’s cold outside… you want to cuddle and talk about your feelings… life after graduation is a tough transition… so why not just cut to the chase and get married, right? It’s hip. It’s cool. You get to wear clothing that wouldn’t normally be socially acceptable at the dive bar you frequent with the $5 beers. Eff it. YOLO. YOMO! You only marry once…
Oh wait.
The divorce rate for young couples is more than twice the national average. Divorce is no longer a staple in a midlife crisis, but rather, something that SEVENTEEN Magazine should probably be printing on. Headlines could read,
“How to budget for your prom AND your wedding in the same year!”
“What’s HOT: Kids raising Kids.”
“Why your Mom doesn’t really know what she’s talking about.”
Because at the age of 22, I have no idea who I am, what I’m doing, and who I’ll be doing it with for the next year… let alone for the rest of my life. And that’s awesome.
Some day, I want to get married too. I want a floor length dress with a ton of cleavage. I want it to be in Asia, with Ethiopian food, and a filthy scotch selection to calm my nerves when I inevitably start to panic and hyperventilate. But WANT and NEED are two entirely different things. I NEED to develop MY dreams and MYSELF before I can truly be the type of woman you WANT to marry.
What inspired me to scribble down my feelings (so many feelings!) is The Facebook. I’m seeing all of these notifications that “X and Y” have joined in matrimony and instantly, these waves of anxiety start to flow over me. Should I be thinking about marriage? I’ve never even had a serious boy friend? Is there something wrong with me? WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME AND WHY HAS NO ONE TOLD ME ABOUT IT FOR ALL THESE YEARS!?
But then I look at my life, my relationships, and my future… and I realize that, I’m fucking awesome. It literally isn’t me, it’s them.
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I have begun to notice a common thread amongst all these young unions: inexperience. Inexperience with dating, traveling, risks, higher education, career direction, SEX, solitude, religious exploration, etc… and it’s insane that I have already experienced more of the world in the last 22 years than my married peers will ever experience in their life.
I can’t help but feel like a lot of these unions are a cop-out.
It is a way for young people to hide behind a significant other instead of dealing with life’s highs and lows on their own. It’s a safety blanket. It’s an admission that the world is just too big and scary to deal with it on your own; thus, you now have someone that is legally obligated to support you till one of you dies or files for divorce.
Which could be tomorrow, because the LGTBQ community isn’t ruining the sanctity of marriage, the Kardashian family is.
If your love is truly eternal, what’s the rush? If it’s real, that person will continue to be committed to you 2 months from now, 2 years from now, and 2 decades from now. Grow, learn, travel, party, cuddle, read, explore. Do. Freaking. Something… other than “settle down” at 23 with a white picket fence.
Because you owe it to yourself. You are a human being that deserves to thrive inside AND outside of a relationship.
We are not our parent’s generation. I’m tired of hearing about how “my mom and dad got married young and X, Y and Z” because they were raised with a completely different set of values, priorities, and without the anxieties and adulterous risks that comes with the worldwide web. I’m speaking directly to the Millennials.
Millennials deserve the opportunity to develop ourselves, alone.
I recognize that my opinion is not going to be popular on The Facebook… especially amongst those who fall into the “under 23” category. I would be confused if I didn’t receive some sort of online backlash or a loss of friends on The Facebook. Some how… I will move forward.
But in the words of my 15 year-old sister, “Sorry I’m not sorry.”
Sure. Some days I wake up and stare at my ceiling thinking: “I’m single as fuck.” But then I realize that those friends are going to get knocked up and fat soon sssoooo in retrospect, who really is winning here? I’m in China. I’m having the best time of my life. I am responsible for my own happiness.
Please enjoy these 23 things to do instead of getting engaged before you’re 23.
1. Get a passport.
2. Find your “thing.”
3. Make out with a stranger.
4. Adopt a pet.
5. Start a band.
6. Make a cake. Make a second cake. Have your cake and eat it too.
7. Get a tattoo. It’s more permanent than a marriage.
8. Explore a new religion.
9. Start a small business.
10.Cut your hair.
11. Date two people at once and see how long it takes to blow up in your face.
12. Build something with your hands.
13. Accomplish a Pinterest project.
14. Join the Peace Corps.
15. Disappoint your parents.
16. Watch GIRLS, over and over again.
17. Eat a jar of Nutella in one sitting.
18. Make strangers feel uncomfortable in public places.
19. Sign up for CrossFit.
20. Hangout naked in front of a window.
21. Write your feelings down in a blog.
22. Be selfish.
23. Come with me to the Philippines for Chinese New Year.
… because at the end of the day, I just gotta wander onwards. Wishing everyone whiskey and wanderlust during the holidays.
XOXO V
Vanessa Wachtmeister is a travel tech professional and the creator of the wealth & wanderlust platform, Wander Onwards. Vanessa is originally from Los Angeles, California, she is a proud Chicana, and she has been living abroad for the last 9 years. Today, she helps people pursue financial and location independence through her ‘Move Abroad’ Master Class, financial literacy digital products, and career workshops.
I totally agree with this!! But I have friends who married directly out of high school and are still married and have kids, and that’s good! I’m happy for them. But people shouldn’t critize you because you are being honest. Me and my high school sweetheart broke up bc I wasn’t ready to marry him when I was 19. I wanted to wait and he didn’t. I’m 26 now, and looking back, I’m so glad I didn’t. I’ve never been so happy with myself and have been enjoying life! I’m having the time of my life being single. That’s just me. Love the blog!! People shouldn’t get butthurt bc of how YOU feel. 🙂
I agree with you! Everyone that is upset is mattied and has kids that is why they are so offended.
I completely agree with you! Everyone around me is getting married and Im just here… trying to figure out my next move. Even though i have been in a relationship for 5 years I don’t feel like marriage is where my life is supposed to head right now (even though he wants too). So glad i found your post – glad to know there isnt something “wrong” with me!
Too bad that you can’t even write an article without using the F word. Some of those things are just stupid and self-centered and some can be done with a husband. Good thing that you are not married. You are too immature and self-centered.
I got about two paragraphs in and decided this article wasn’t worth my time. I’m 22 and I’m married AND I have a daughter. I may be young but I have the right mind set for a marriage. Whatever troubles we encounter I am fully prepared to do what it takes to put our relationship back to 100%. I was also extremely offended by the “kids raising kids” and “why your mom doesn’t know what she’s talking about”, I am an amazing mom, I have the happiest little girl, and not only is she happy, but she has excellent manners, good judgment and she’s smart. Your reasons for staying single, I skimmed through, and I wouldn’t trade what I have for what you’d like to get done any day. If you’re going to be so anti-young marriage at least have a good reason. It may be you’re personal preference but don’t demean the people that have had children and are married young. You don’t know anything.Obviously. What I’ve dedicated my life to is WAY more special than going to the Philippines for the new year, it’s a HUGE commitment that doesn’t deserve to be downplayed by you. I work hard and I don’t appreciate you making it seem like our whole generation has jumped out of an episode of Teen Mom.Hopefully all of these things you have planned for 2014 will help you to have an OPEN MIND in the future. Good day.
I agree with you fully on this. Not everyone wants to do those things on that list. I definitely don’t. And your daughter is far more important and special than making out with a stranger anyways. I loved everything you said.
You got married and had kids young, and love your life. That’s great, but you miss the point of the article, you went on the defense right away instead of actually reading and understanding what the message is. When a person marries and has children young they miss out on a lot of experiences that only the youth can enjoy. Spend your 20’s experiencing life, all the unknowns, meet people and after you’ve tasted life you can settle down in your late 20’s early 30’s. You can always get married and have kids, what you can not do is get time back, youth is an extremely precious commodity that should not be wasted. The people who decided to enjoy and embrace their youth have valuable life experince that someone who married young will never have, and they can still get married and enjoy all that has to offer. So, in the game of life, when experince is currency, those who experience more have a richer life.
I don’t believe you can plan everything out of when you’re going to fall in love and when you will get married and when you’ll have kids and live happily ever after. you can get married at 30 and divorce 5 years later. then what? I just live. I married my husband when I was 18 and he was 20. we’re now 22 and he’s 24. still married. planning to have kids soon.. and we still learn and grow as a couple and also as individuals. just live is what I say. you can’t plan EVERYTHING that’s gonna happen in your future
I definitely say TRAVEL for pleasure or study before getting married! I for sure found out more about me by doing it before getting married!
I definitely say TRAVEL for pleasure or study before getting married! I for sure found out more about me by doing it before getting married!
You’re words would have a lot bigger impact if you hadn’t only been married less than a year.
You sound like someone who’s unhappy and bitter, jealous of those friends getting engaged and needs to show the world a happy face …you’re whole list is immature but “Disappoint your parents” really? You sound like youre 14, so yesss you definitely are not ready to date/marry let alone have kids cause that takes maturity, morals and all those things GOOD MEN look for in a WOMAN. so it’s a no no for you!!! you definitely have more chances to be a single mother than whoever is 23 and engaged. So i dont get why you’re talking about people having kids and being married. Lol if you write this now, i cant even imagine what your post is going to be about when youre 50, maybe sick from making out and sleeping with strangers therefore not able to travel anywhere, alone, bitter, you’re parents would be old, probably dead and you are filled with regret for giving them headaches instead of making them proud and happy. While your friends who were too young to get engaged and I, will probably be in a beautiful house with our husbands, a house full of pictures of all the places we’ve been to and enjoyed together, and our children. beautiful grandkids running around, or maybe on a family vacation in a different country, surrounded by people who love us and who we love deeply. As your 15 year old sister that i hope doesnt turn out like you would say “sorry not sorry”
I was totally rooting for you right until the end when I slowly realized that this article is a lot more personal and judgmental than what people really need to hear about… letting life be fun and autonomous(in a relationship or not) especially as you’re getting grips on yourself as a young person. When you’re in a relationship and you get a single ticket to see the great pyramids of Egypt, and your partner has a problem with it? That’s when it’s time to let go, but an intimate relationship can be extremely rewarding in getting to know yourself better with the support, love and reality checks from someone you respect and love back.
OK. K am insulted. I was in a six year relationship which didn’t work out. Yea it happens. But I was not planning on settling down fully until after I was 21. I have a great guy now that is completely amazing…and I want to be with him. He is 26 and Iam jjust under 21. My best friend got married to the love of her life at 20 and they have a baby on the way after just a few months and that’s their choice. They have made a life for them selves as will i . Life does not have to be all serious. But it also shouldn’t be let’s mess around until we are old and can’t find anyone. You should always look and if you find the one go for it. But have fun together too, you can have fun seperatly. Don’t let the people in this world tell you what to do. Its not right to be in everyone’s business. And the part of being with two different people and letting it blow up or kissing a stranger…not to smart of an idea. You don’t know what what kind of people are out there and people may spread things about you that could cause a lifetime of hurt and regret…keep that in mind…
You know, as a person who got a married at a very young age, I have to say not all of us curl up and die or turn in to homey-homemakers or start popping out babies like it’s going out of style. Not all of us seek the love, validation, and fulfillment from our spouse that we should be able to find in ourselves. I feel like making broad, sweeping statements about any lifestyle you just happened to not choose is an injustice not only to those people, but to you. I mean, isn’t the fact that we make assumptions about others part of the reason you started to doubt yourself? “Why aren’t you married? Or engaged? Or committed somehow? Don’t you want those things?” Is it fair that you started to feel judged or wrong for wanting the opposite of what those people you know have? No. So why would you do that to them?
That being said, I never support the notion of anyone getting married young. Not because I judge that lifestyle but because I’m living it RIGHT NOW. The spirit of your post is valid. Getting to know yourself, having a wide range of experiences, and just growing up in general is so much more difficult when you have an emotional/financial/legal attachment. Before 25 you don’t even really know what you want and you change SO MUCH. I mean I’m only 23 but since I got married I’m not even the same person. And neither is my husband. We just got incredibly lucky in that we have been able to grow up together instead of apart.
I think ultimately you have it right. And I think you should be commended for being self-aware enough to know that you’re not really ready for those things. It is true that for the most part the people who get married young don’t really realize how little they know themselves, much less the person they’re marrying. And the DEFINITELY don’t know what marriage is all about or how HARD it is. Marriage COMPLETELY changes the game! So kudos. Just try not to sound so judgmental, mmmkay? THAT’S what pisses people off!
Wow! I was also thinking of the same things! I would rather travel and enjoy being single before finding a guy and settling down. I owe it to myself to live chase my dreams and to knowing “Me” first before committing myself in a serious relationship. I may make mistakes along the way but that’s how we learn. Travel on and enjoy your life!
Here’s an idea everyone… how about we just talk about the things that would be great and life-changing, to do and encounter, for EVERYONE (married/single). Instead of shaming and bashing people who get married, lets just give everyone (no matter what your lives “thing” is) the opportunity to see and experience the life they make. I bet some married people out there still want to “make out with a stranger” or “date two people at once”(and you know… most of them probably will (NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT… just deal with it). How about we just let humans make their own frickin mistakes and face them with care and integrity. Its better to face your mistakes than be shamed into expecting or thinking that it was the wrong one. Chances are, if your married you made the decision knowing full well what you were getting yourself into (no matter your relationship to it (because fuh.. hello! its different for everyone)) Its a simple concept… share the good shit. And share the bad shit like you meant to do it all along. OR figure out why it happened and face the consequences, but OWN it. Oh and one other thought… go share it with the people around you… not on some forum or social media outlet. May we all remember that facebook connections arent real connections unless they bring us closer to having an emotional encounter or action. Use all of your senses. Taste great food. Challenge the power of speech. Get high on the smell of gasoline while you are standing at the pump in the middle of a summer day. sense every moment. its easy if you start small.
So…..why exactly is getting engaged or married=”settling down” anyway? Everyone always views it that way. I find it funny.
Getting married isn’t “settling.” It CAN be. But ya….you can either view marriage like you seem to. That you “have to experience life, then come back and get married and ‘setlle down.'” Or you can view it as two people wanting to experience life together and doing it.
Marriage is not “settling” unless you make it settling. So I mean, it’s fine and dandy to wanna go do all kinds of things while you’re “single and free” but you can still do all the same things married…only difference is you’d be doing it WITH someone. Just sayin’….
Love your work, couldn’t have said it better myself !
Your writing is inspirational 🙂 I am currently 23 and just got out of my first and only relationship that started in high school. I immediately got into a second relationship and was absolutely crushed when he dumped me. I realized after a lot of crying and ice cream that I really had to rebuild myself and find my true self before I was ready for another real relationship. A lot of what you have already figured out. I’m glad that I’m not the only one out there that sees those facebook status changes and says “Am I suppose to be doing that too? Where did the time go?” Thanks for posting something like this 🙂 Girls like me need to hear it.
As a 19 year old female college student who has seen not only friends get pregnant and married at young ages, but siblings as well, this article has highlighted realities that most young people tend to forget. I won’t pretend to have life figured out, because I don’t. But what I do have figured out is just how hard life can be as a teen mother, as a young wife. The author’s main point was that at such a young age, we still have our whole lives ahead of us, there is no need to rush into marriage or having children, because yes both dramatically change your life. Your college years are truly the only time in your life that you can be selfish, that your only true responsibility is to learn, grow, and accomplish your dreams. Why sell yourself short? Marriage and children are not a burden, but settling down too soon in life can greatly hinder your self growth as well as put your dreams on hold.
I was really interested to hear your perspective. I’m 24 and due to get married in a few months. I’m already thinking about starting a family. It must seem crazy to you, but I’ve always been mature for my age. My fiancé is ten years older than me, and I know we’re a great fit. Rather than seeing marriage as a ball and chain dragging me down and holding me back, I see it as the next adventure in my life. It’s not going to stop me travelling anywhere I want to go to, partying, being creative, baking cakes, getting tattoos or whatever else I fancy doing. I don’t feel like I have to choose between a family and a career either. I took my education seriously and I plan to fulfil my potential. At the end of the day, it comes down to personal preference. I don’t think there’s any ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ way to live your life-just your own way. I plan to do a bit of everything!
This blog had a lot of negative comments about young marriage. Sure some people rush into it. But is it really up to you to tell people that the choices they make are wrong or not? No. You may not understand that just because you get married young, does not mean your life stops. There is no rule book saying that once you are married, you MUST settle down, you MUST have children right away and that you can’t have a fun life. My parents got married at 20 and that didn’t make them put their lives on hold. The got the satisfaction of marrying that one person that they love most. They lived their lives together and had fun! My mother never had me until she was 27. At that point, they were ready to slow things down for a while and start a family. So, yes I agree that some people rush into marriage too fast but for others, it is the right time for them and it is what they truly and honestly want most.
Now I don’t usually comment on things like this but this one I just have to!!! My husband and I have been together since I was 15 and him 17. I am now 21 and him 23 and we got married 6 months ago. Now I would not have my life any other way at all! When I was very young I went through my rebellion stage in highschool i partied, drank, dated many boys and had fun but when I met my husband back then everything changed,my life was not the same but that does not mean it was not as good!!! And I don’t feel like I have missed out on anything we have travelled and still are traveling, we each have had our selfish moments, we have adopted 2 pets and trust me I have eaten a tub of Nutella in one siting many times lol. my life would not be the same with out my husband and there is absolutely no way I regret meeting him at such a young age or marrying him at a young age infact it makes me appreciate meeting him when I did because that gives us so many more years by each other’s sides and I would take that a way for the world! Now I know that marriage is not a light decision nor that it is for everyone and I would never right a blog about how people SHOULD get married at a young age Because marriage at my age was MY CHOICE but I get sick of people commenting on people getting married young or haveing children young! I believe there should be absolutely no expected age for any of this! It is everyone’s personal choice and they should not be critisised for it! Today society is so dam judgmental of everything it is actually annoying!!! I believe that if you find the Absolute right person for you and you believe or want to get married then you should! I believe that if you want to go to party’s every weekend and get drunk then that is YOUR choice! Do it! If you want to go to college go to college! If you don’t want to have children then Don’t have children these are all your choices to make that is what life is! It is your life! but I DO NOT believe that if your liveing your particular life in a particular way that you should think it’s the RIGHT or the only way to live and push it on to other people liveing differently to you!!! No wonder there is so much doubt when people are telling you that you are to young all the time! Oh and when you said at your age you have no idea who you are or what you want to do well some of us do! Just because you are 22 and have no idea doesn’t mean very other 22 year old is the same ! Just saying.
Wow! This is amazing! This is exactly how I feel. Too many friends getting married and having kids way too early.
Who are YOU to decide what’s too young? Worry about yourself! Damn
I didn’t even get through your whole blog post before I felt the need to say … Marriage isn’t about WHEN it is the right time in your life. Its about loving someone and them loving you back and the two of you deciding that you want to share your lives together. I Never thought I would be getting married at the age of 21, I wanted to find myself before ever getting married. Then, I realized you can find yourself and be married! I am 22. I have a bachelors degree in Communication Sciences and Disorders and am currently pursuing a masters degree in Speech-Language Pathology. I live in a 3 bedroom house with my husband and dog. We hope to travel to Europe and Australia one day. I want to go on a mission trip. We want to have kids in the Future. I know I’m talking a lot about myself, but I think you have a distorted view of what being married means. Just because I am married doesn’t mean that I or anyone else who is married is judging you or anyone else for not being married. So, I think it is only fair that you give those that are married the same respect.
I’ve got to say, I hate this list. Your list includes eating a jar of Nutella in a single sitting and making a cake, which all of us married gals know is IMPOSSIBLE to do now! This article is so full of narcissism and judgement that it’s hard to stomach. I say get married when you think it’s right. Or not at all, if that’s your beat. Your notion that getting married young precludes you from ever being interesting, educated, or self aware is bigoted and a sweeping generalization. You go on to say that if you’re married young, you’re going to proceed to pump out kids and become fat and boring. I didn’t make a rushed decision to get married. I was in a relationship for five years before we tied the knot. We’ll have been together probably ten before kids come along. There is no correct time table on life! Everyone moves at their own pace, and these arbitrary timelines have no place in reality.
People get married at all sorts of ages for all different reasons. Marriage has only enhanced my life, and enabled me to do wonderful things I could only do with a partner, many of which are featured on your misbegotten list. Being married isn’t going to make you more or less worthy than when you were single. You are always going to be yourself, and you can grow in a marriage as much as outside of one; but who’s to say you’re not going to grow in different ways? Single, married, young, or old, everyone has a different journey in life, and the paths diverge in many places. There is no right way to do things, and I know plenty of smart, talented, dazzling, and driven young people both married, and single. Stop treating a marriage certificate like a writ of execution. I certainly don’t judge people on their marital status, and I would appreciate the same courtesy.
I’ve done 1, 2(the army and writing), 3,6,7(over five times), 8,10,11,12,15,18,21 and 22. And I’m still 22.
I continue to be deeply humored by unmarried and never-married people giving marriage advice. Seriously?
This was great and I couldn’t agree more! 🙂 You are not alone!!
Your blog just made me smile. I love it. Although I am 5 years older than you (I just turned 28), I am currently single and was dating a guy which didn’t happen to work out. Therefore, I kind of got bummed about it, so here I am browsing through the internet to find something worth reading, and I came across your blog. I don’t feel 28, sometimes I feel like I’m 21, other days I feel like I’m 40 years old. LOL. Mostly everyone around me are either married, have kids but not married, engaged, or in a relationship! I’ve been single now for about a year, and this is the longest I’ve been single since I was 20 years old. I feel like I’ve done everything backwards because now that everyone else is in a relationship, I’m “single as fuck” and sometimes, I don’t know what to do with myself. I think it’s great that you posted a blog like this one because it gives those whom are still currently lost in their transitions in life, somewhat a peace of mind that everything is going to be OK. Everything will always be OK no matter what. I am learning everyday to be on my own, learn to be happy on my own, and to find things that are fulfilling for me. I believe that this is the time to really get to know who we are as individuals and what it is we really want out of our lives and to simply live everyday in the moment, and not be so caught up in others’ lives especially the social media. Cheers to you and all the best! Xx
Haha love this. I’m 23 and this will come in handy as I approach 24 (also made me realise I’m less cooler than I was hoping) Thanks
Great things to do. At 23 I’ve find most and I’m sure I’ll keep crossing them (and others) off my list. With my fiancé.
Girly no doubt 😀
I see a lot of negative comments but take it from someone who narrowly escaped being married at 22. Life is far to amazing to settle down, have kids and take on the responsibilities of a family at 22 or 23. There’s a world of oppurtunities and experiences out there and besides most men under 25 haven’t fully matured yet and are even less ready to get married than you are. Savour every moment you have before you settle down into a life of routine where you’ll be doing everything for someone else. But hey, if you’re ready to take the plunge go for it.
and your ugly personality still got you a spouse? Wow, they had low standards didn’t they.
This author is spot on and she needs to remember that whenever someone speaks the truth, the haters gonna hate!
As an unmarried 23 year old this shows how sad our generation has become. “Be selfish” and “hangout naked in front of a window?” I did that when I was 13 and told myself I was going to be mature enough to stop those by 23. I thought this was a joke until I started reading comments and people actually agree with it.
Good for you! Being single makes life fun. We have all had our ups and downs and if it was t for me getting out of a long relationship I would have never drive. Cross country and never finished planning out my trip to Australia! Great advice. Single ain’t for everyone and kids are not bad but seriously use a condom!!!! Live 🙂
Wow…I feel so incredibly sorry for you. Obviously you have been very hurt and are a jealous and conceited person.
Do your thing, young lady, and in the process, you will discover your own calling. One thing that is clear from reading this is that your writing is entertaining, and you are daring. Follow your passion and it will lead you to what you’ll love doing even when it is a career.
This article confused me. I understand the sentiment, it’s important to find yourself and live dramatically before settling into a more routine pattern of married life. I am 21, and absolutely do not understand when friends my age get engaged and married. I would not want to be them, as I know marriage changes so many things. I am an avid traveller, and being in a relationship has altered my mindset of being abroad. That being said, the author came across as spoiled, bitter, immature, and narrow-minded. I get that the list was her form of saying that people should do what they want, and she was doing it. But to actually have a list, which was comprised of totally arbitrary and often frivolous things, was to dogmatic and overbearing. As many have pointed out, many of the things on that list can be done regardless of marital status. And as for the dating advice, not evenly one has any desire to conduct their un married life the way she does, and to say that people ought to just because they are young seems oppressive, and highlights her scathing individualism.
I thoroughly enjoyed this passage.
I’m 22 years old and in a 5 year relationship with my boyfriend, but there is NO WAY IN HELL we are getting married ANY TIME SOON.
People need to realize that marriage isn’t just something you can just jump into and then end it immediately after one stupid fight.
Marriage is a commitment.
Marriage means supporting each other financially and emotionally.
Before anyone should even consider settling down they need:
1) A job that pays the bills.
2) A job that pays the rent/mortgage.
3) Health care.
4) Life insurance.
5) A place to live that’s not your parent’s basement.
6) Some form of an education, whether it’s a college degree or trade school and is awarded with a licence of some sort because a job that requires some form of a degree pays way more than a minimum wage job.
Either people under 23 are getting engaged/married, or they’re having kids already. I don’t know what to make of it.
But…If they’re under 23, happy and have those things…I tip my hat to them.
As a fellow blogger I think this is amazing. Even though I’m not 23, lets face it I’m almost 26 and I still would love to follow this list. Way to empower girls to live an adventurous life on their own to learn more about themselves before they enter a marriage that could end in disaster. Believe me, I’m 26 going to my fair share of weddings and baby showers and I still am single and loving life!! Happy travels through out the world as you learn about yourself!
Vive la Vida!
This is exactly how I feel!!! I’m in a long term relationship but we just want to travel and have fun, enjoy each other but stay as individuals, we choose to have separate lives and it works. Trouble is its hard not to want to conform when you get carried away looking at a friend’s photo’s of them ‘cutting the cake’ at their engagement party (please!). Most couples I know are rushing into living together, getting engaged or having children and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. But for me there is so much more to life!!
Live whilst youre young!
I have… very mixed feelings in response to this. I’m currently 30 and single and happy, and overjoyed at the opportunity to have adventures etc. However, my parents married straight out of their undergrad years. My sister followed suit. My parents have had almost 35 years of one of the best relationships I’ve ever seen; my sister has only had a little over five years, so it’s early yet, but she and her husband seem to be doing well. I’m happy being single because I haven’t found the right person yet, and I DON’T think it’s healthy to obsess about “marriage” as a state of being, but… well, when I ask why he proposed with so little forethought, Dad likes to quote When Harry Met Sally: “When you realize that you want to spend the rest of your life with someone, you kind of want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.” And let’s see how they’ve done:
*****
1. Get a passport.
Check. My brother-in-law actually got his passport because my sister insisted on his joining her for some adventures abroad; my dad got his to stay with my mom’s overseas family, just the two of them, and try to learn to communicate when half the family spoke no English.
2. Find your “thing.”
I’d say my two sisters and I have found our “things” at about the same rate, irrespective of marriage status.
3. Make out with a stranger.
… and this would not be our “thing.”
4. Adopt a pet.
My married sister has done this, as did my parents, but my single sis and I haven’t had time to properly care for a pet since we were teens.
5. Start a band.
Dad did this after getting married. If I ever have time I may find one.
6. Make a cake. Make a second cake. Have your cake and eat it too.
Married sis is the cook, often for herself as her husband has different tastes.
7. Get a tattoo. It’s more permanent than a marriage.
Depends on the marriage, but bro-in-law got tattoos before and after.
8. Explore a new religion.
We’ve all done that, except Mom and Dad really chose their religion as they were dating, so they had that adventure together.
9. Start a small business.
… again, not our thing.
10.Cut your hair.
Oh, gosh, married sis did this SO MUCH in her teens, would it really be necessary again?
11. Date two people at once and see how long it takes to blow up in your face.
…why?
12. Build something with your hands.
All my family has dabbled with carpentry and sewing to the point of having at least one project, and we didn’t need to wait till our twenties to do it.
13. Accomplish a Pinterest project.
Okay, Pinterest didn’t exist at this point, so I’ll leave that.
14. Join the Peace Corps.
More Americorps types, us, but my sisters and I have all done shorter-term locally-organized service trips abroad.
15. Disappoint your parents.
Married sis did this repeatedly in her teens. Wait, is that why she’s the only married one? Because she finished this checklist? Mom and Dad, of course, managed to disappoint their parents by marrying right out of college rather than waiting a few years.
16. Watch GIRLS, over and over again.
…This would involve watching something that is not action/adventure oriented. Not likely with my sisters and I. Mom is too old-fashioned to enjoy it.
17. Eat a jar of Nutella in one sitting.
More married sis’s thing, again.
18. Make strangers feel uncomfortable in public places.
Done. May have to withhold details for legal reasons.
19. Sign up for CrossFit.
Mom, Dad, married sis, and bro-in-law all seem to stick to fitness regiments far better when their spouses are involved with them. Single sis and I have not been able to use each other as partners.
20. Hangout naked in front of a window.
Why?
21. Write your feelings down in a blog.
Married sis and bro-in-law, check. Me… eh.
22. Be selfish.
The one true benefit of singledom.
23. Come with me to the Philippines for Chinese New Year.
Sadly, work intervenes.
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I think it’s important to live an active, engaged, and meaningful life at all stages, and important that you don’t derive your identity from another person, and I applaud that point in this article. But I think it’s presumptuous to decide that the only reason to marry young is a lack of self-identity, or that the inevitable result of marriage is a loss of activity and meaning. And while the twenties are usually a time for self-discovery, what you discover rarely invalidates what you know about yourself by the time you’re out of college. Some people really can and do know themselves and their partners well enough to make a wise decision when deciding to marry young. So, pro-self-confidence, pro-self-knowledge, pro-caution in approaching marriage: yay! Categorically against young marriage: I can’t agree.
my grandparents had their 50th anniversary a few years ago, have been in a great, loving relationship with each other since they were around twenty-three, AND EVEN THEY THINK YOU SHOULD EXPERIENCE THE WORLD BEFORE SETTLING DOWN. This post isn’t talking about self-indulgence. It’s not saying you’re being selfish about not getting married. It’s saying people should experience different facets of life before committing themselves to one way of living. Marriage is a big deal and shouldn’t be rushed, which is what many young people do nowadays. If you really have found the person you think will be the person you want to marry, bring them along on these adventures. Share the wonders of life before putting it on paper.
Sure, you can extract all sorts of empowerment out of it. That’s all fine, take all the empowerment you can get, I don’t have anything against feminism until feminism starts trying to encroach on masculine-ism and marriage, because men can’t (and won’t ) be women and marriage was meant for a man and a woman.
But this isn’t a rant about what I don’t like about feminism.
It really isn’t about some “archaic” ideal (and by the way, don’t condemn us for our archaic ideals – breathing is archaic, are you going to stop doing that? Who’s to say archaic is bad and inherently wrong anyway? Why does our society say “If it’s old it’s wrong”?)
It’s about ignorant statements like these:
“It is a way for young people to hide behind a significant other instead of dealing with life’s highs and lows on their own. It’s a safety blanket. It’s an admission that the world is just too big and scary to deal with it on your own; thus, you now have someone that is legally obligated to support you till one of you dies or files for divorce.”
“But then I realize that those friends are going to get knocked up and fat soon sssoooo in retrospect, who really is winning here?”
I’m married and I’m only 20, my wife is 19. Yes, we’re best friends, we’re from a small town and there wasn’t much there for us outside of each other. Not everyone has the ability to travel the world before 23, not everyone has money to throw out. But I’ll tell you what we’re not. We’re not hiding behind each other. Our marriage was not a safety blanket. In fact getting married (and in the process moving to a place where I could support my wife) was the hardest, most scary thing. If I wanted it easy the cop-out would’ve been to continue hiding behind my parents, not getting married. I’ve dealt with life’s highs and lows on my own, and I’ve found who I am on my own, and I had to do a lot of that in the months before my wedding. It took a lot of hard work to bring myself up to where I was mature enough and ready to get married. My wedding wasn’t a cop-out.
And also, we’re not fat, and we’re not knocked up. We’re already living the good life, and thank-you-very-much, we’re winning, and that makes it 2-1 for us, because we’re together.
So sure, maybe there’s something positive in there somewhere, and if you and Vanessa are doing what makes you come alive then great. But my wife and I are doing what makes us come alive. And speaking of ignorant comments, your “archaic” comment was pretty ignorant too. If that’s what feminism and selfishism does to a person, I don’t want it, thanks.
you spoilt your article with the list. I’d get married and still do almost everything on it you should’ve said something more encouraging like getting 3 PhD’s! 🙂
I agree with being young and enjoying life, but if you met the love of your life at 16 (like I did) you’d be a fool to ignore that and dump them because of some list you feel you need. Besides, a loving partner who is good for you should still allow you to be yourself and do things you want to do. The only one on that list you couldn’t do is number eleven and that’s a pretty evil thing to do anyway.
I’m not married to my boyfriend, but he supports me in doing the things I want so I don’t see why I should do them alone!
Wow…this girl is so close minded that she thinks you can’t do any of those 23 things while you are married…
This makes me sad for you. You can not get married all you want, and more power to you! That’s fine if you feel like you have other things to do first or whatever. Awesome! But your harshness and rudeness towards those who do get married betray an attitude of bitterness underneath. Otherwise you could just live and let live. Assuming all these people on “The Facebook” who are getting married are doing so because they just can’t handle their lives alone and just want an escape or something is utterly insulting, untrue for most and very much an overgeneralization. Along the same lines I could posit that girls who post things like this are bitter that they’re single and and just need the validation. Rude and not necessarily true, right?
This post is lamee. You don’t make a statement by saying married people are stupid or you are better because you are single. Wtf? Well enjoy your life being single forever standing infront of a widow naked