23 Things To Do Instead Of Getting Engaged Before You’re 23
As 2013 wraps up, I’ve been noticing more and more people getting engaged and/or married under the age of 23.
I get it.
It’s cold outside… you want to cuddle and talk about your feelings… life after graduation is a tough transition… so why not just cut to the chase and get married, right? It’s hip. It’s cool. You get to wear clothing that wouldn’t normally be socially acceptable at the dive bar you frequent with the $5 beers. Eff it. YOLO. YOMO! You only marry once…
Oh wait.
The divorce rate for young couples is more than twice the national average. Divorce is no longer a staple in a midlife crisis, but rather, something that SEVENTEEN Magazine should probably be printing on. Headlines could read,
“How to budget for your prom AND your wedding in the same year!”
“What’s HOT: Kids raising Kids.”
“Why your Mom doesn’t really know what she’s talking about.”
Because at the age of 22, I have no idea who I am, what I’m doing, and who I’ll be doing it with for the next year… let alone for the rest of my life. And that’s awesome.
Some day, I want to get married too. I want a floor length dress with a ton of cleavage. I want it to be in Asia, with Ethiopian food, and a filthy scotch selection to calm my nerves when I inevitably start to panic and hyperventilate. But WANT and NEED are two entirely different things. I NEED to develop MY dreams and MYSELF before I can truly be the type of woman you WANT to marry.
What inspired me to scribble down my feelings (so many feelings!) is The Facebook. I’m seeing all of these notifications that “X and Y” have joined in matrimony and instantly, these waves of anxiety start to flow over me. Should I be thinking about marriage? I’ve never even had a serious boy friend? Is there something wrong with me? WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME AND WHY HAS NO ONE TOLD ME ABOUT IT FOR ALL THESE YEARS!?
But then I look at my life, my relationships, and my future… and I realize that, I’m fucking awesome. It literally isn’t me, it’s them.
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I have begun to notice a common thread amongst all these young unions: inexperience. Inexperience with dating, traveling, risks, higher education, career direction, SEX, solitude, religious exploration, etc… and it’s insane that I have already experienced more of the world in the last 22 years than my married peers will ever experience in their life.
I can’t help but feel like a lot of these unions are a cop-out.
It is a way for young people to hide behind a significant other instead of dealing with life’s highs and lows on their own. It’s a safety blanket. It’s an admission that the world is just too big and scary to deal with it on your own; thus, you now have someone that is legally obligated to support you till one of you dies or files for divorce.
Which could be tomorrow, because the LGTBQ community isn’t ruining the sanctity of marriage, the Kardashian family is.
If your love is truly eternal, what’s the rush? If it’s real, that person will continue to be committed to you 2 months from now, 2 years from now, and 2 decades from now. Grow, learn, travel, party, cuddle, read, explore. Do. Freaking. Something… other than “settle down” at 23 with a white picket fence.
Because you owe it to yourself. You are a human being that deserves to thrive inside AND outside of a relationship.
We are not our parent’s generation. I’m tired of hearing about how “my mom and dad got married young and X, Y and Z” because they were raised with a completely different set of values, priorities, and without the anxieties and adulterous risks that comes with the worldwide web. I’m speaking directly to the Millennials.
Millennials deserve the opportunity to develop ourselves, alone.
I recognize that my opinion is not going to be popular on The Facebook… especially amongst those who fall into the “under 23” category. I would be confused if I didn’t receive some sort of online backlash or a loss of friends on The Facebook. Some how… I will move forward.
But in the words of my 15 year-old sister, “Sorry I’m not sorry.”
Sure. Some days I wake up and stare at my ceiling thinking: “I’m single as fuck.” But then I realize that those friends are going to get knocked up and fat soon sssoooo in retrospect, who really is winning here? I’m in China. I’m having the best time of my life. I am responsible for my own happiness.
Please enjoy these 23 things to do instead of getting engaged before you’re 23.
1. Get a passport.
2. Find your “thing.”
3. Make out with a stranger.
4. Adopt a pet.
5. Start a band.
6. Make a cake. Make a second cake. Have your cake and eat it too.
7. Get a tattoo. It’s more permanent than a marriage.
8. Explore a new religion.
9. Start a small business.
10.Cut your hair.
11. Date two people at once and see how long it takes to blow up in your face.
12. Build something with your hands.
13. Accomplish a Pinterest project.
14. Join the Peace Corps.
15. Disappoint your parents.
16. Watch GIRLS, over and over again.
17. Eat a jar of Nutella in one sitting.
18. Make strangers feel uncomfortable in public places.
19. Sign up for CrossFit.
20. Hangout naked in front of a window.
21. Write your feelings down in a blog.
22. Be selfish.
23. Come with me to the Philippines for Chinese New Year.
… because at the end of the day, I just gotta wander onwards. Wishing everyone whiskey and wanderlust during the holidays.
XOXO V
Vanessa Wachtmeister is a travel tech professional and the creator of the wealth & wanderlust platform, Wander Onwards. Vanessa is originally from Los Angeles, California, she is a proud Chicana, and she has been living abroad for the last 9 years. Today, she helps people pursue financial and location independence through her ‘Move Abroad’ Master Class, financial literacy digital products, and career workshops.
Well said. Although I am myself married and doing the “china” thing with my hubs, I do admire your point and your ability to be free and discover who you are and what you want. There is so much time for marriage and exploring the world … and if you’re lucky, you may even have your best friend to do it with 🙂 Being alone is OK – I wish more people felt comfortable in that role rather than finding Mr. Right Now over Mr. Right.
I’m glad that you are happy on your own. That you can be comfortable with yourself by yourself. A trait many people lack these days. That being said, I’m 23 and engaged. I have a 2 yr old and one on the way. Both of whom belong to my fiancée. I have done many things on your list. I honestly expected them to be things that wouldn’t be accomplished before I graduated highschool but I accomplished most of it before I even entered highschool. I don’t have a passport yet, but I don’t really care for one. And when I do get one, it will be to travel with my to be husband. I definitely would have taken a different approach writing this. There is no shame in being married or having kids before 23. But there is also no shame in being single at any age. What we should really be doing is loving our lives no matter our situations. Of which we all have different ones.
I’m 23, accomplished most of the items on this list, and I’ve been married for 3 years. There’s no reason why you can’t have fun being married. (AND we still managed to get college degrees and careers) If you meet the right person, you should get married and experience life with that person! Some young people do get married for the wrong reasons, but so do a lot of 50 year olds. My husband and I enjoy life Together and it shouldn’t matter how young we are.
Just read your article. Was looking for a Like button but I guess there isn’t any… but job very very well done!
I like this article and I liked your article, but since yours is written on a more practical note, I’d give u an additional point or two. Everybody deserves to have fun and everybody NEEDS to discover themselves, but that does not mean they have to be alone in doing it all.
And as far as divorce is concerned, it’s a nasty word and a worst-case scenario but it shouldn’t be all that it is played out to be. Hurrying into a marriage is no wise move but if you realize at a point that it’s not working (and it can’t), then it’s only wise to acknowledge that and get separated honorably. Nothing wrong with that…
so if i dont do the things in your list i am not accomplished in life? let ME decide what makes ME feel accomplished in life. Reading your list i thought i was not interested in getting a tattoo at All or date two people at the same time. i dont feel like i am missing out on much but thats because everybody is different and has a different opinion. who are you to tell people that getting married young it s not right? What if you are the one who is missing out on something? you said yourself you have never had a serious relationship so How do you think you can talk about being ready without even having experiencing love? a 20 yo girl that has and awesome boyfriend, she will marry when they will Be ready.
If I had to choose between eating a whole jar of Nutella in one sitting or sharing a life with someone I would definitely choose the latter. & as far as people “getting pregnant and getting fat” , that’s clearly a comment coming from someone with no children and no soul. I understand what you were tryin to say in this article but maybe not insulting people that don’t agree with what you think life is about would probably have gotten more people to see your point. Great that you’re in china, but things could easily go the other way and you could wake up 35 and have all these memories and not a single person that cares to hear them
I understand where you are coming from with this story but I wish you wrote it in a kinder and less brutal tone. Your language is authoritative and demanding where it should have been inspiring and convincing. This leave people resenting your story. I also wish this was written by someone who has experienced a serious relationship before rather than someone telling us all about their life and demanding it’s the correct way. And yes I am 20.. But I have always had the maturity of someone 5 years older than me. And yes.. I’ve been in a serious relationship with someone 8 years older than me for 4 years. I’ve traveled twice, worked constantly, enjoyed my life and have commenced my journey towards being a lawyer.
I wish your story was more inspiring and relevant for all kinds of women. Maybe I would have been persuaded to reduce my eager desire to be respectably married and well adjusted in married life before bringing a child into the world. Some people are traditional and want to be respected.
When you know, you know. I married at 25, and I am very glad I had a youth. I had travel, adventure, freedom, and plenty of real-life education to compliment my university education. Spend your youth on whatever you like!
Suggestion number 11 just sounds like unnessesary bad karma to me..
I applaud you. Personally, 23 just feels INCREDIBLY young to be engaged. Try saying this when you’re 29 (which I am) and feel the heat that you receive from your family, the social media, society in general for being on the cusp on 30 and fresh out of a relationship, single, and working the good ol’ 9-5. Quite a few of my aunts have already written me off to ‘spinster-hood’. Stay strong!
Is this really serious, or is this a parody of some sort? This whole post is so self-absorbed, entitled, and immature that it’s simply staggering if it’s intended to be serious. The whole thing can be summed up in one little snippet: “But then I look at my life, my relationships, and my future… and I realize that, I’m fucking awesome. It literally isn’t me, it’s them.”
i got married at 19 and it was the best thing i ever did. most of your suggestions are possible to do whilst your married.. the others aren’t so appealing to me anymore, because i found my partner for life. I dont envy you, i feel sorry for you. i hope that one day you will find the partner who will change all that for you. good luck and have fun eating nutella, disappointing your parents and breaking peoples hearts.
YOMO!! Lmao! Your post is hilarious and totally relatable.. My group of single friends is rapidly decreasing, so much so that soon it’s going to be just me and my bottle of wine on the dance floor living it up! ;D
You just described my life. When you get back from the phillipines we should be best friends 🙂
Wow, well said.I’m 27 and was married at 22. Needless to say it failed. And your list of things to do is right on. Except I recommenda big city with a Chinese familyon Chinese New Year. Last year read the absolute best year of my life and honestly ifi had known life could be like that I never would of got married! I grew up knowing that i could never have the awesome of that I had last year.but I did.anyone can do. Just dream and do! Thank you
I’m 23, a photographer, painter, and finishing up school for Art Therapy and psychology. I’m married to a man I’ve been with 4 years and I’m pregnant. I’ve lived in New York, Texas and currently in San Diego, California. I travel, I enjoy life and I’ve done nearly everything on your little list there besides start a business, eat nutella, or join the peace corps-but my husband is in the Marine Corps if that counts?… Sometimes people are ready at a young age. Doesn’t mean I’m ignorant to the fact I have forever, just means I already found the one I want all of my experiences with. My life, love and happiness isn’t over, just shared. I couldn’t be happier.
I honestly don’t understand your problem.
If you are happy unmarried, that’s great. If other people are happy with marrying when theyre 23, that’s great too.
I am 23, I got married 6 months ago, and guess what…I’m happy!!
The way you make it sound life is over when you get married. You make it sound like you can’t travel, can’t study, can’t reach your dreams anymore once you get married. That’s ridiculous. I am travelling places with my husband (probably more than I have before), I have spent a year abroad before we ever met, I am studying at a university in my 2nd semester, I do have my faith which I’m really happy with.
Every day I am growing a bit more in my personality, because figuring out a life with someone is hard work, but it is GOOD work and it makes you grow in your personality so much…Cos honestly..who wants to be selfish? What’s that gonna give me?
And why exactly would I wanna date 2 people at once or kiss a stranger? I did that when I was 15, no need for that anymore, really!
And besides…there’s nothing more amazing than figuring out your dreams and learn that there is someone who’s gonna support you and go towards it with you…and now please don’t tell me that’s only because I’m hiding behind my significant other..It doesnt have to do anything with hiding behind someone…my husband is not in front of me..we are walking right next to each other, noone’s hiding behind anyone..
If you are so happy with your life, why are you so anti against people who are doing it differently than you?
Why you all are wasting your time making a single girl feel bad is beyond me! She’s trying to empower all of the single, young, women in this world. Get out of here with your negative comments! They make me not want to get married even more if it means I’ll spend my time commenting persuasive essays onto blogs rather then spending time with my husband/family.
“Inexperience with dating, traveling, risks, higher education, career direction, SEX, solitude, religious exploration, etc”
I’m 23, married, and pregnant with my first child. Does that mean I’m inexperienced in these areas as the author suggested? No. I go on dates at least once weekly, have traveled to 16 countries (and counting) on 6 different continents, I’m in school getting a PhD in my dream field, have all the sex I want, meditate regularly (that’s how I find solitude), have explored religion – and changed my religion due to that exploration.
Dear Vanessa, it’s okay that you do not want to be married yet, but please do not blame your anxieties on others.
lol oh my 😀
this was funny, not gonna lie, but goodness child no need to get hostile. divorce rate in general is high, it’s not just the young ones. you have fun doing your thing and they’ll have fun doing theirs… and then there’s me living at home and doing nothing with my life in my mother’s basement 😀 lol
You are going to the Philippines for “Chinese” new Year? …I think you mean lunar calendar new year.
For all the negatives out thereI think the whole point of the article is for women to explore themselves in all aspects before jumping into a commitment that should last a life time. The laundry list is just a silly way of saying, figure yourself out, completely. Thanks for you input !
I really love this!! I second you. Everyone who doesn´t want to get married – yet or never – should read this!!
I’m sorry but do you realize how stupid you sound. I am not yet 21 and I have already hitched hiked the greater part of Europe; performed in concerts in Hawaii, Florida and Red Rocks Amphitheater; I’ve done almost everything on your “list”; AND I’ve been married for 7 months. Unlike most people who go to college(I didn’t go to college and I’m so glad I didn’t) I went and had an amazing life exploring the world and who I am, thats why I married young. And guess what, my husband and I have a lot of fun together, we’ve been to both Disney World and Disneyland in the same year, we’ve done stupid trips to nowhere in the middle of the night, only to have to drink a bunch of energy drinks to drive home. I love being married young. To say that people who marry young won’t get to have a life after marriage is so stupid.
I couldn’t agree more. I’m still engaged after a very young engagement (we decided not to rush things, live together etc first), yet we have been travelling the world together, doing everything we have always wanted to do…but together! He’s like a best friend too.
I kind of see your point op. But if you marry someone who does not want to do all of those things with you, is he really worth marrying?
I’m sorry did you just say you’re glad you didn’t go to college? Hm her opinion isn’t stupid just because you disagree with it. If we’re calling names your opinion is stupid and good luck with your Disney world/land trips, you’re obviously still a kid.
And your a pontificating agist!
Hi Vanessa, I just came across your article when reading The Huffington Post. I laughed hard and thought so much after I finish reading it. I’m going through a tough and rough transition post-graduation period as well, and what’s interesting is I’m just like the opposite you-a Chinese girl living and working in the states! I know there’s whole lot of differences between the two kinds of life(Good luck with studying Chinese:) yet there’s also something fundamental that’s so similar in our views and values. It’s really a pleasure to get to know that souls can echo with each other. Wish you all the best in my home country:)
Thank you so much for serving up the most realness I’ve read in a long time. I couldn’t agree more. Excellent article.
This is a great opinion !!
I am 22, just graduated from college, single, and just settled into a great career. I have many friends that have already settled down and have often wondered if there is something wrong with me. There’s not and there’s nothing wrong with my friends either. We are living in a time where we don’t have to get married at 20, but its also not bad if we do. We have been given this wonderful right to live our lives however we want. We can do whatever the hell we want to with whomever we want to do it with. Some ppl find their soul mate at age 3, some at age 13, some at age 23, 33, 43, 53!! Everyone has their own crazy rollercoaster life and they do what suits them and makes them happy. I value your opinion and everyone else’s because we live in a country where we are fully entitled to our beliefs and opinions. Nothing is ever one sided. That’s what makes the time we live in so great! There are many ppl who take other sides (opinions) offensively… bottom line is that they shouldn’t. I know that you were not intending to insult anyone with your blog, but many took it heavy heartedly. That’s just the way it is I guess.
I mean no disrespect to anyone, seeing as I have already stated an opinion with an open mind. Really, there is not one right way to live. You live your way! Whether it is in the suburbs with the family you have always dreamed, in a big city doing everything that you have aspired, in a small town living simple and happy, traveling the world an meeting new ppl, etc. Also, everyone walks down different paths and they find themselves at different points in their lives, so just because u have already found yourself, THINK before you judge someone who hasn’t.
All I’m getting to is… its great to have an opinion and I will respect you for yours, but please step back and think before you judge someone’s life choices.
I hope all of you who have read this have an amazing journey through life! I hope you never stop learning, loving, and laughing.
And remember… Happiness Is The Journey, Not The Destination. ♥♡♥♡
You go girl!! Would love to join you for chinese New Year with a wiskey and write “40 things to do before 40 and never get married” 🙂
I appreciate all the desire and need to travel, develop a sexual & religious identity, and find overall passion and direction after college. I’ve been through those hellish just-out-of-college, now-what years. But, I am newly married and I travel more, learn more languages, enjoy intimacy more, ponder and seek God more, DIY more, exercise more, hang around nude more, love my body, dance, and desire to achieve more at work than I ever did single…why? Because interdependence brings out the best in me. I know that my attitude makes a difference on not just my quality of life, but my family’s. I want to create a loving, peaceful, compassionate, courageous, and laugh-filled home. My husband does too. We are mature. We are smart. We are in love. We desire the best for each other. We sacrifice in joy. Encourage growth. I’m young, married, & proud.
Fraukj: this comment is for everyone, not just you! Rock on!
Although I agree with the underlying theme of this article, that you can’t be in a relationship unless you truly know yourself first (so go freaking find yourself already!); I have been fortunate enough to have the best of both worlds. At 23, I have studied abroad twice and traveled to several places all around the U.S. all without my boyfriend of 9 years. Some of the highest highs and lowest lows have happened without his presence which is bitter sweet, but, no matter, I did on my own. I have explored my religion and am now atheist, imagine that. I’m also about to finish my masters degree. And although I have contemplated numbers 3 and 14 a lot over the course of our relationship, among other doubts, I can’t imagine my life without him, because a guy who has been with me through all the terrible fights in my teenage years with my alcoholic mother, a guy who accepts without hesitation or jealousy that I want to travel to a foreign country twice without, a guy who does not agree with everything I do but supports me anyway, and a guy who loves me for me even if I don’t 100% know what that is yet. THAT’S a guy worth keeping. That’s the thing. If you are with someone, man or woman, and they love you for you even if the you is still developing, how can you let that person go if they support you in all your adventures, all your exploration and all your craziness? A person who respects and loves you without hesitation without judgement and without interference of your passions in life. If you already have that person, like I was fortunate enough to find at such a young age, then by all means get your ass to the altar, because he or she is a definite keeper! But if not, go freaking find yourself already! And WAIT, because you will be a better person and find the perfect match if you’ve had time to explore yourself before you explore anyone else.
I get so tired of people acting like traveling the world falls more into the obligation sphere than the luxury sphere. I hate generational stereotyping as much as the next person, but this attitude of “be a fully realized person, travel” that so many so-called millennials tout seems to be a by-product of mommy and daddy’s bank account. Either they are directly financing your extended adolescence, or they’ve enabled you to reach a point of security where you can do that yourself. Somebody had to work hard at a job that wasnt particularly fulfilling so that you have the opportunity to “find yourself”. As someone who married at 23 (I’m 31 now), I can tell you that marriage is far from a safety net. In a lot of ways it’s cutting away the net. Marriage is a choice made for another person, not an ideal. A marriage only works on any level if you can find the happiness of seeing someone else as a fully realized person, and not just the means to further a surface enjoyment of life. It’s also great practice for kids. No matter where you go, there you are. If you are a self centered, ignorant person at home, you are likely to be that abroad. If you are cash strapped but an autodidact, you can sate your curiosity and still find a deep inner happiness with a family and a well stocked library. I’m sorry, but you definitely seem comfortably couched in the adult child portion of life that snares a lot of millennials. The net is made out of mom and dad’s money. It’s insensitive to think that a person can’t travel because he’s a rube, or gets married because he’s scared. We can’t all stay children until we are forty. You should be glad that your parents and grandparents didn’t make shallow, meaningless, uninformed judgement calls like the one you just made. Enjoy mom an dad direct depositing money into your bank account so you can “fully realize yourself” by wasting their money. You should drive into an impoverished neighborhood and chastise them for not traveling.
Court, I laughed aloud. “Even worse” if you don’t go to college?
The most successful young people I know, myself included, skipped college, or even school all together, and invested in a trade. We have no crippling debt, no wasted years doing busywork, and we have tradeskills that are invaluable and a real asset to the economy and our own lives.
Thanks for humoring me.
Um… Those suggestions are terrible.
If you’ve been alive for 23 year and DON’T KNOW WHO YOU ARE, what have you been doing for 23 years?
Maybe there IS something wrong with you if you’ve wasted that much time NOT getting to know yourself, and NO, you’re NOT ready for marriage.
And since when is a 20 year old woman having kids considered “kids having kids”. If you’re 20 years old and still act 14, then you have a serious problem.
Maturity is all that is required for a successful relationship and a great parent, and some have that by 15, other (no names) might not achieve it until 40… if they ever do…
I appreciate the fact that you feel one shouldn’t get engaged at such a young age. And I agree with you. But your 23 things to do are a bit outrageous and irresponsible. There comes a time when you have to grow up. I can understand that people should travel and experience life before settling down but why can’t you enjoy it with someone else. I’ve seen many couples do it without feeling like they’re missing out on anything. You list of things to do should be done while you’re at college, if at all. So when you get into trouble, your parents (who you depend on, as you would a partner) can bail you out.
wow! I wish you could see the wide wiiiiiiiiiiddde smile on my face when i was reading this piece, only then you could have known how much i liked it 😀
Glad I got married at 23. Wish I had been married at 19. Glad I haven’t done have of the things on this list. No reason to make mistakes if you can learn from others.
Im 23 engaged, and I’ve had several hair cuts. What is it with people today judging others over the Internet, if you’re happy then whats the problem. Stop trying to make other people feel bad about their lives and just be happy, single, engaged, married, divorced, or whatever.
I find it sad you don’t seem to understand what marriage is. Did your parents go through a horrible divorce?
With my husband I have gone snowboarding, caving, hiking and much more. It’s great to do things I love with my best friend!
I’ve been to more countries than most people will ever be to.
Getting married young or old shouldn’t be the issue, you have to be ready for marriage, it’s a lifelong commitment not a need for companionship.
I find your list of 23 things a little sad, you should add more to it, I did most of them before I was 18! Plus you can do everything except 3, 11 and 22.
How about learning how to bake all sort of things? Traveling to a whole bunch of different countries, getting adrenaline highs from different activities, learning new languages or picking up hobbies.
You definitely have to know who you are before you get married, so live life and don’t look for someone to marry, just figure out who you are and what you want in life.
I love the post. I do not like the citation of a marriage statistic from 1987 (that is not accurate currently btw) 🙁
Other than 3 and 11 you can do just about everything on this list whether you are married or not. I don’t think it matters what age you are.
I absolutely love your blog! I’m over 23 and praise not only your perspective but your guts for writing it down. I especially enjoy the comments. It’s not a slap to take personally folks, it’s an opinion and a great one at that. If you’re so confident in your decisions why feel a need to justify them on a blog that’s so clearly intended for another (albeit witty and excellent) audience? In the words of my 9 year old niece “just saying.”
I loved your blog so much I shared it with my best friend, because I knew she would appreciate it as well for simply what it is. I hope you don’t take too seriously some of the responses that people have made that clearly just don’t get it. I have married friends, I have single friends, I have friends in long-term relationships, friends dating more than one person at a time, I have divorced friends, I have friends with kids, I have friends traveling the world and friends following their passion in life. No one direction is the absolute wrong or right, it’s a matter of your own perspective and what makes you happy, what makes you figure out who you are and who you want to be in life. And taking chances, taking risks doing it. I remember having so so many of the same thoughts at 23, and continue to have many similar thoughts 4 years later. Thank you for your perspective, it made my day. I enjoyed reading and it made me laugh. As Steven Tyler says, Life’s a journey – not a destination. Safe and happy travels! All the best for 2014. Cheers.
I don’t think you found love yet, this is exactly why you don’t understand what marriage is. I am not married or planning to get married soon and I’m still 20, however I am happy in a relationship that if I get married, it wouldn’t stop my life, but could even add more adventures to it. Life doesn’t stop at marriage, whoever came up with that doesn’t know life or love. To marry is to share all your success, adventures, life and everything you mentioned with that special someone. Marriage does not mean having babies or staying at home or whatever you think it is.. At all. No one signs papers saying I do to stopping life. You sign those papers and wear that ring because you know that you want to share life with that someone, because at 23 if you’re planning on going sky diving you still will.. And you may even do that with someone you love. Traditions, extreme religions or other people who treat marriage differently are the ones who sign papers to still stay at home and have an early family etc. But, that has nothing to do with marriage itself. If someone is that extreme with religion or traditions then with or without marriage they will still be at home with their parents. I didn’t even finish reading this blog post, because it’s written around something completely wrong. If I, for example, got married tomorrow I will still continue my life adventures the same way, and even better share them with someone I love. Marriage is different to every person. I personally think this blog post is not well thought out it kinda disappoints me.
Good article I think! Marriage just isn’t for some people ( at any age) that doesn’t make it wrong to be single and wanting to live life alone, carefree. People keep saying you can do all these things while married, the point is there is no ME in an US situation like marriage! Thought that was the entire point of marriage was to become one with each other? Maybe that’s the reason for the high divorce rates? Too much me, not enough us because people don’t take the time to really find themselves first!
I am 23 and engaged. We are getting married in march. And we are both out of our skin with excitement. Not only about our big day but about the challenges and opportunities that will follow afterwards. The experiences we will have together as a couple. The things we will build and do from there on. At my age i have a permanent job in which i am extremely happy in. I do not get up hating my job. We have our own home and 2 dogs that we love dearly ,codi and hiccup, and through all of this relationship i have grown more than i ever knew a 23 year old could grow. My partner has been the most supportive person ive ever had, he supports my hobbies, motivates me to go out and live and do things, does more living now than hes ever done before. We go ziplining together,we cycle,we surf,dive,snorkel and swim. We read, we travel, we plan trips, we do everything we want to do and getting married isnt going to change the things we love doing. Yes we wont have a wedding to plan but we will have many other exciting things to plan together. I am ready for what life holds for me and i am lucky to have someone that motivates me in everything i do,that allows me to be nothing but myself, me getting married at 23 is not a disgrace like they make it seem. It is not a bad thing and me getting married does not mean im using it to hide behind a man because of low self esteem and inexperience. I am facing life and the world just like i would when i was single. The idea that life stops because u are engaged or married is the biggest load of nonsense ive ever heard. At 23 i am over getting pissed every weekend, over the naked window nonsense, over being selfish, over all that for sure.instead i am happy to have a good job, direction in my life, a career. I get to do what i want how i want and i am building my future to the best of my abilities. Getting married is not going to put that to a halt, infact it will do the exact opposite. People are very quick to give opinions about choices of others. Must be cause they are so insecure about their own lives that all the can do is judge others.
It sounds like you really are not ready to get married at this age, which I respect you for being confident of. I see nothing wrong with the fact that you feel like waiting for marriage, but it seems as though you have a very skewed idea of what marrage is. It is not putting aside your dreams or adventures or sorrows or joys, it is sharing all of that with another person. I have done almost everything on your list at some point, and yes they are fun and exciting, but they are not nessicarily healthier than marriage or exclusive to single life. Let others grow on their own and find love and joy their own ways. You have no right to judge their ideas of maturity or adventure.
This is an awesome and realistic post. I think people in the comments are taking this blog personal. Of course there are 23 year olds in successful marriages but even statistics say majority don’t work. That’s not to say all. And even the married 23 year old who comment don’t mention the struggles being married young comes with because regardless of how awesome u make it sound in these comments there is struggle and will get even tougher as the years go by.
BULLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL’s SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITTTTTTT
Love. Love. I can’t agree more with the idea of marriage at this age as a safety blanket…no matter how in love I may be, the thought still strikes me as an easy way out.
Superb!
i will definitely want to come with you to the philippines and celebrate the chinese new year 🙂 we’ll eat a lot of Tikoy!