23 Things To Do Instead Of Getting Engaged Before You’re 23
As 2013 wraps up, I’ve been noticing more and more people getting engaged and/or married under the age of 23.
I get it.
It’s cold outside… you want to cuddle and talk about your feelings… life after graduation is a tough transition… so why not just cut to the chase and get married, right? It’s hip. It’s cool. You get to wear clothing that wouldn’t normally be socially acceptable at the dive bar you frequent with the $5 beers. Eff it. YOLO. YOMO! You only marry once…
Oh wait.
The divorce rate for young couples is more than twice the national average. Divorce is no longer a staple in a midlife crisis, but rather, something that SEVENTEEN Magazine should probably be printing on. Headlines could read,
“How to budget for your prom AND your wedding in the same year!”
“What’s HOT: Kids raising Kids.”
“Why your Mom doesn’t really know what she’s talking about.”
Because at the age of 22, I have no idea who I am, what I’m doing, and who I’ll be doing it with for the next year… let alone for the rest of my life. And that’s awesome.
Some day, I want to get married too. I want a floor length dress with a ton of cleavage. I want it to be in Asia, with Ethiopian food, and a filthy scotch selection to calm my nerves when I inevitably start to panic and hyperventilate. But WANT and NEED are two entirely different things. I NEED to develop MY dreams and MYSELF before I can truly be the type of woman you WANT to marry.
What inspired me to scribble down my feelings (so many feelings!) is The Facebook. I’m seeing all of these notifications that “X and Y” have joined in matrimony and instantly, these waves of anxiety start to flow over me. Should I be thinking about marriage? I’ve never even had a serious boy friend? Is there something wrong with me? WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME AND WHY HAS NO ONE TOLD ME ABOUT IT FOR ALL THESE YEARS!?
But then I look at my life, my relationships, and my future… and I realize that, I’m fucking awesome. It literally isn’t me, it’s them.
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I have begun to notice a common thread amongst all these young unions: inexperience. Inexperience with dating, traveling, risks, higher education, career direction, SEX, solitude, religious exploration, etc… and it’s insane that I have already experienced more of the world in the last 22 years than my married peers will ever experience in their life.
I can’t help but feel like a lot of these unions are a cop-out.
It is a way for young people to hide behind a significant other instead of dealing with life’s highs and lows on their own. It’s a safety blanket. It’s an admission that the world is just too big and scary to deal with it on your own; thus, you now have someone that is legally obligated to support you till one of you dies or files for divorce.
Which could be tomorrow, because the LGTBQ community isn’t ruining the sanctity of marriage, the Kardashian family is.
If your love is truly eternal, what’s the rush? If it’s real, that person will continue to be committed to you 2 months from now, 2 years from now, and 2 decades from now. Grow, learn, travel, party, cuddle, read, explore. Do. Freaking. Something… other than “settle down” at 23 with a white picket fence.
Because you owe it to yourself. You are a human being that deserves to thrive inside AND outside of a relationship.
We are not our parent’s generation. I’m tired of hearing about how “my mom and dad got married young and X, Y and Z” because they were raised with a completely different set of values, priorities, and without the anxieties and adulterous risks that comes with the worldwide web. I’m speaking directly to the Millennials.
Millennials deserve the opportunity to develop ourselves, alone.
I recognize that my opinion is not going to be popular on The Facebook… especially amongst those who fall into the “under 23” category. I would be confused if I didn’t receive some sort of online backlash or a loss of friends on The Facebook. Some how… I will move forward.
But in the words of my 15 year-old sister, “Sorry I’m not sorry.”
Sure. Some days I wake up and stare at my ceiling thinking: “I’m single as fuck.” But then I realize that those friends are going to get knocked up and fat soon sssoooo in retrospect, who really is winning here? I’m in China. I’m having the best time of my life. I am responsible for my own happiness.
Please enjoy these 23 things to do instead of getting engaged before you’re 23.
1. Get a passport.
2. Find your “thing.”
3. Make out with a stranger.
4. Adopt a pet.
5. Start a band.
6. Make a cake. Make a second cake. Have your cake and eat it too.
7. Get a tattoo. It’s more permanent than a marriage.
8. Explore a new religion.
9. Start a small business.
10.Cut your hair.
11. Date two people at once and see how long it takes to blow up in your face.
12. Build something with your hands.
13. Accomplish a Pinterest project.
14. Join the Peace Corps.
15. Disappoint your parents.
16. Watch GIRLS, over and over again.
17. Eat a jar of Nutella in one sitting.
18. Make strangers feel uncomfortable in public places.
19. Sign up for CrossFit.
20. Hangout naked in front of a window.
21. Write your feelings down in a blog.
22. Be selfish.
23. Come with me to the Philippines for Chinese New Year.
… because at the end of the day, I just gotta wander onwards. Wishing everyone whiskey and wanderlust during the holidays.
XOXO V
Vanessa Wachtmeister is a travel tech professional and the creator of the wealth & wanderlust platform, Wander Onwards. Vanessa is originally from Los Angeles, California, she is a proud Chicana, and she has been living abroad for the last 9 years. Today, she helps people pursue financial and location independence through her ‘Move Abroad’ Master Class, financial literacy digital products, and career workshops.
Nice words – and appreciate the well sprinkled swearing. Couldnt agree more with you
I can’t express how much you just helped me, opening my eyes, calming me down, and avoiding a true panic attack about my relationship. Thank you Vanessa, truely, thank you.
oh my god. this is just a blog, c’mon people.
It does not need to be analyzed and quoted and dissected piece by piece. I don’t believe there’s any maliciousness or ultimate profound deeper meaning. It’s a fun article, and yeah perhaps it’s a little anti those who’ve got married young, but perhaps people are reading more into it than necessary. If you got married young and you know that you lived you’re still living life to the full, then clearly you’re not the folks she’s referring to.
I’ve got plenty of friends who got married young and love it, and continue their life adventure together. I’ve also got friends who are miserable, one who’s even divorced already (after 11 months), and those are the people that need perhaps could do with cutting free and adding a bit of silliness and adventure to their lives.
I absolutely LOVED being single, but yes, there were still days where I would feel a bit down about it. And doesn’t everyone compare themselves to others when they’re having a crap day?
This list, again, doesn’t need dissecting and analyzing. Maybe it’s tongue in cheek? Maybe the writer is recommending that everyone stops taking themselves so seriously? Maybe the writer is just listing 23 things that she loves doing? It’s good to cut loose sometimes and unwind, and push your boundaries of comfort.
It’s a bit of silly and immaturity, and yes perhaps if you’re mature and ready for marriage then some of these things you wouldn’t be doing. But me, I love being silly – and that’s how me and my guy are so good together. I might not be making out with strangers anymore, or dating two people at once, but we can still be silly together.
Anyway, I’ll quit waffling – I just wanted to say that all these harsh comments, and articles tearing this one list apart with graphs to prove a point; it’s a little ridiculous. This is one writer’s opinion, and she’s perfectly entitled to that.
This is the dumbest list of things I have ever read. It shows how sad, pathetic, and boring your life is. Also you sound like an immature child who is trying to extend your high school glory days. Standing in front of a window naked? Making out with a stranger? Have you no morals? That’s the mentality of high schoolers who think they are cute and young and invincible. Because let’s be honest:
If you make out with a stranger that’ll end well..
Did you ever think that those of us who are getting married at this age already know who we are and secure enough in ourselves which is why we are getting married. We don’t need a life of partying and scandal to figure out who we are. Sorry honey there’s more to life than the next party you’re gonna go to and next stranger you’re going to make out.
Sounds like you wrote this article to make yourself more confident and boost the lies you tell yourself to hide your insecurities.
She probably was engaged and got dumped lol.
Now she’s going to bash married people foreverrrrr!
I’m 22, married and an air force wife. I have a 6 month old. We just moved to alaska and its amazing. I’ve also lived in California too. I’m a photographer. I’ve seen more of the US since my husband join led the military.
Just would like to say that it’s pretty gross to date two people at once and the rest of your list is dumb. And eating that whole jar of Nutella will make you fat.
My spouse and i enjoy, cause I discovered what precisely I’d been looking for. You could have finished our a number of day time very long hunt! God Thank you person. Employ a fantastic day time. Bye
im also not married and im happy with my life. but i feel like this article spent a lot of time excusing why the author is single and putting down people that are married. Just so her choice can be justified? It would have been fine had she focused on why she feels being single is good for her, but then she started attacking people that are married as if that makes her choice better.
Thank you. Simply put.
My cousin was married at 23. She just had her second child. They were together since college and in love, and he was there for her during some pretty rough times.
My younger sister got married last year to the man she had been with more than eight years. They met as freshmen in college. I was the maid of honor who was tho only single wedding party member allowed to bring a date. I brought a friend.
I am older than 23, but I like this post. You’ve reminded me that I am fucking awesome, despite the fact that I am still single.
Thank you.
This was absolutely WONDERFUL! I’m new to wordpress and just wrote my first blog about loss lightly touching on my failed 3yr relationship. I’m 23 and have always thought like you in this post and then forgot who i was. Now i’m so excited to be by myself and do exactly what you’ve explained here – be free. Love and blessing And truly from the bottom of my heart, thank you =]
While I would not go as far as to say she sounds like a complete idiot, I have no idea what all the fuss is about with this post. It’s moderately well written, however, suggesting you date two people at the same time as an experiment and risk REALLY damaging one or both of them, is incredibly ignorant and selfish.
Everyone has their own opinions right?
While I’m not going to sit here and tell you what you should or shouldn’t like, everyone has their own opinions, I found your comment to be extremely rude. I don’t think you got the whole comedic aspect to it. The list was plainly for fun and not to be taken seriously. But for you to go to such extremes as to insult her so much is just plain crazy. She didn’t go off and personally attack you like you are doing to her so just calm down.
Five minutes (or less) on Google will reveal that not only is the amount of marriages in the US the lowest it’s been in over a century, but the average age of women getting married for the first time at an all-time high.
Despite the bravado, the fact that the assumption on which this article is based is completely ass-backwards, the condescending tone of the whole thing, and the fact that it was written while the author was alone in a foreign country lead me to believe that she’s actually lonely/insecure/homesick/whatever. I got married for the first time at 31, so I don’t say this as a defense of my lifestyle (I largely did what she’s doing), but to make the point that if you choose to live the way she espouses, do it for the right reasons. But don’t look at other people’s lives and use that as fortification for your own headstrong resolve to be a better person. And yes, that’s what she’s saying, that she’s better than those who live a less fulfilling life than her.
Now if only she could be fulfilled.
I COULDN’T AGREE MORE with you! There are obviously some people who will disagree with your point of view… I am not one of them. I am 23 about to turn 24 and my Facebook news feed reads like a perpetual wedding announcement, and unless the couple getting married has a career, has traveled, hasn’t lived in the same city their whole lives, and is over the age of 27, I truly feel sorry for them. I feel sorry for them because they are GIVING up a part of themselves that they don’t need to. They are giving up their YOUTH! Their time to explore who THEY are INDIVIDUALLY. I KNEW EXACTLY WHO I WAS WHEN I WAS 23…. SAID NO 60 YEAR OLD EVER! Young adults these days, myself included, think that they really do understand and get everything these days. WE don’t! I also thought that same thing was I was 10,13,16,18,19,20,21,22, and even now at 23! LIVE, LOVE, LAUGH, MEET STRANGERS, AND ENJOY LIFE!
I really appreciate your perspective. I have definitely felt confined by society’s expectations – and even my own. Roosevelt said, “Comparison is the thief of joy.” I have found that to be so true. I also heard someone say, “Let God be as creative with your life as He is with others’ lives.” Each of us has a purpose and something awesome that we can contribute to the world if we let God use us. Seek truth -you’ll find it and it will set you free.
The first thing that irritates me about this article is that the list is completely stupid. Disappoint your parents? That’s something that happens naturally of the course of life. Anyone can do that, but it’s not something you should ASPIRE to do. Cut your hair? Haven’t I been doing that since I was 4? Honestly! I was expecting some crazy impressive challenging list from someone who has done “so much more” than her peers EVER will.
The next thing is that the author assumes this bitter, condescending tone. You may think young married couples are hiding from the real world, but you honey are hiding from your insecurities. No there’s nothing wrong with being young and single–live it up, by all means!- but why do you assume all young couples are only getting married because its the “cool hip” thing to do? What if I do know who I am, where I’m going, and what my life plan is? Sorry if that’s weird to you, but my fiance and I have a life plan, we have a budget, and we are going to do AWESOME things together. We’re going to travel. We’re not going to have kids. We know EXACTLY what we want, and we’re doing it TOGETHER.
And hey, trust me–I’ve seen all kinds of young couples getting married for the wrong reasons. Desperation. Fear. A self-imposed life timetable. And when it comes to those couples, sure, I agree they probably should have waited. But it’s their choice to make, and you have no place to judge anyone’s marriage–who cares if they get divorced? That’s THEIR issue. You’re not any better than them. Your mistakes are simply different.
Who’s “really winning” here? It’s not the perpetually young and single or the young and married, it’s the ones mature enough to be honest about their insecurities, to change, and to grow–whether with or without a spouse–and the ones mature enough not to judge others for their choices based on wild generalizations and personal insecurities.
This is fantastic and I agree with you wholeheartedly. As a 22 year old myself, currently in my postgrad and exploring the world, I always feel so distant from my friends back home who are getting engaged, married and having kids.They think I am the crazy one, willing to spend a year in Sub-Saharan Africa, when I think the same of them. I have doubts but then I realize that it may be the right life for them, but not me, not yet. There is so much to experience and develop about yourself. Not to say that their path is wrong, I just choose to go down a different one. Thank you for writing this, you make me realize I am not the only 20 something who is having doubts and trying to find my own way.
Awesome. I do have to agree with your personal perspective. Get to know who you are and enjoy happiness alone before trucking around with a family! Great post and all the best to you on your travels.
Worst blog post. Grow up. You are not that awesome. Quit judging and being so jealous of someone else’s happiness in life.
This post is what inspired me to start my blog. Number 21 and 15 are by far my favorites.
what on earth?! make out with a stranger??! pose naked by the window? hurt your parents? how can you?! I mean, parents are the ones who held your fingers teaching you to walk, they gave you all the happiness, you want to hurt them?! And you b*, hurting them is cool sounding?! Make out with a stranger?? Do you even know the sanctity of intimacy between two people?! Do you respect your body, or have you let it wild? And marrying at 23 isnt freaking bad. Its awesome! People must be total losers to think getting married is the last thing you need to do in life! Haha may be this pig is jealous that she doesnt have “her man” yet..Koi mila nahi shayad, isse dekh kar hi bhaag gaya hoga! haha!
I think this is wrong. You shouldn’t judge peoples aged and say not to get married… Instead look at how long they have been together. Or something like that. All I just wanted to say, that this is a really personal subject. At 23, some people have been together for even five or more years, lived together at least for 2 years, and love each other really much. The things on your list that are actually really good ideas, are all something that you can do with your partner. That I think you could have included there in your writing, that how long you think people should, in your opinion, be together before marrying. If you are 28 and not married, but you’ve been over 10 years with your partner, I think it is reeeeaally long time to be together without being married. Why not marry if the time is right?
I can’t help but be disappointed in this article. I am 24, got married at 23, but most importantly, my husband and I have been together since we were 16. We went to prom together, graduated high-school together, adopted two dachshunds, and moved into a big city and graduated college together. That’s not to mention the many places we have traveled, the constant things we do around our city that are fun and adventurous, and all of the other “stuff”. I would not trade this for the world. I have had the opportunity to grow as a person with my husband right by my side, growing too. We support and encourage each other over everything. You are not better than me on any level because you are not ready to commit to another person. However, I would like to note that while reading the article, you seem to have more of a problem with people who just get married young and say “that’s it! My life has reached the highest accomplishment and I am done!”. You need to realize that not all married couples are like that, and besides, I don’t feel comfortable telling other people that they are wrong for being happy with a family.
And looking at your list of things to do before you are 23… It is just a horrible list. Make out with a stranger? CUT YOUR HAIR? Eat a jar of Nutella in one sitting? Etc. Most of these are not exciting, and they do not promote personal growth. How about you add things like, travel to somewhere with a completely different culture than your own? Or, read a “classic” book of literature and try to figure out what all the author is telling you? Or get a Private Pilot’s License? Or learn a new language? I thought you were immature and didn’t have your priorities straight after reading the first part of the article, but the list itself confirms those thoughts.
I got married at 23 – it seemed like the right decision at the time, and it was – I regret nothing and have had amazing adventures, triumphs, tragedies, love and more. 25 years later I am getting divorced. It also seems like the right decision. My ex and I are entirely different people than we were at 23. We are both young enough to still travel, start new jobs/businesses, start and end new relationships. We like each other a lot more since deciding to separate, and the kids are happier and more relaxed, too. Whatever decisions you make, make them fully, but also realize that things change in unexpected ways as time marches on. No wrong decisions, just more opportunity for growth and experience.
Got my passport at 14, best thing ever!
I think you said every thought that crossed my mind while reading this.
You inspire me so.
I am currently overlooking the London skyline from my room at King’s Cross Station. About to walk out my front door and go for a 20 minute walk to the British Museum. Why? Because I’m NOT married at 23.
🙂
-Cassie, Studying Abroad till May
You said: ” I NEED to develop MY dreams and MYSELF before I can truly be the type of woman you WANT to marry.”
There is nothing better than love !! He can help you achieve your personal enrichment or career goals.
He will love you and support you!!
AND PLEASE!
7. DON’T Get a tattoo
11. DON’T date two people at once
15. DON’T Disappoint your parents.
22. DON’T be selfish, we need to look outside of ourselves and own surrounding to serve others. Because there is a great need all over the world. And we can make a difference !
If true love comes at a seemingly inopportune time, look to the long-term consequences and prepare yourself. Marriage is wonderful.
OTHER honors and corporate success offer small compensation when compared with the joyous affection of marriage and family.
with love,
Eva Piedade
I’m a bilingual, college educated woman working in my field of choice, had my passport since I was eight, been to and lived in more countries than most, love the show Girls, the proud momma of an adopted Basset Hound named Guinness, AND I’m married. My marriage doesn’t define me and I don’t feel like I’m missing out on life because I married someone I love. I’ve done 17 out of your 23 things and I was able to do a lot of them with my husband (we actually gave each other non-matching tattoos using India ink and a needle last year!). I don’t think it fair to judge all women who get married/engaged by 23 so harshly. A lot of us aren’t immediately having kids and settling down to some “white picket fence” lifestyle; we’re still living the dream, just with someone we love by our sides 🙂
Amen to this!! I’m 17 years old and this is what I think about towards young couples at my high school. Although i’m not against marriage/serious relationship (because I believe that someone, whoever that is, will meet ‘the one’ someday), but I think people settle down too early. If that person is the true love or whatever, he/she will wait for you while he/she is growing as a person also.
Btw I already did 1, 4, 10, (kind of)11,15,21,22 😉
I got engaged at 22, married at 24 and guess what: I’ve accomplished 16 of these things with my wonderful husband by my side. I got my passport at age 20 and explored the world with my future husband by my side. We got tattoos last year instead of christmas presents (not matching of course!!). We hang out by windows naked all the time (much more fun with company). And my husband LOVES the show Girls. I would never judge someone who did not get engaged by age 23, so maybe don’t judge those who do? Your life doesn’t end when you get married.
I’m in the same boat and I couldn’t agree more!
I’m 23, graduated college studied abroad twice in Japan and Korea. Traveled to Italy, Greece, Spain, and Sweden, and returning to Seoul, Korea to continue my studies again next month. Not getting married is the best thing I’ve done. I have the freedom to do what I want when I want with no worries. Traveling the world is the most eye opening thing and best thing I’ve ever done unlike my old highschool classmates who are living up to their southern stereotype getting married at 22 (and a couple already divorced). This blogger isn’t literally saying do all these things on the list, but they are so many other opportunities and fulfilling things to do instead of settling down. Believe it or not, there’s a world out there and so much to do. Why get married so quickly? What’s the rush? If being a housewife is your thing, then go ahead. At least this girl is going places; figuratively and literally.
It’s not the issue of getting married thats getting people so riled up. It’s the way she refers to her ‘friends’ who’ve chose to make that decision as stupid or unwise. What you find as “opportunities and fulfilling things” aren’t necessarily what someone else may find fulfilling. Marriage is something you do when you’re ready. Whether it’s when you’re 20 or 30 or 40. I have friends who are 20-22 who are married and they prefer traveling the world with their life partners. Its narrow minded to assume that just because someone is married they can’t “go places”. Her article probably would’ve gotten far more support had she stuck to the idea that you should get married whenever you’re ready, no matter what age. The only part of her blog I agree with is there is a lot of false peer pressure for people to get married young, and that’s not right. But to say that young married couples have nothing left to their lives besides getting fat, that’s not respectful. There’s so much more to a relationship than that, especially when you’re married. The author has never even been in a serious relationship, so she has no understanding of the work you put in as well as what you get out of it.
I think it’s ridiculous to assume that your life ends when you get married. I got married when I was 22 (a month shy of 23) and my husband and I are no where near settling down. Less than 6 months after we were married we moved 2000 miles away from where we grew up to get our PhD’s TOGETHER. We road tripped across the country this past summer and we’re planning many more adventures TOGETHER. Including exploring this new state and new part of the country. We’re also adopting a cat this weekend TOGETHER. I’m 23 years old, I plan on doing tons of new and exciting things in my life and I plan on doing them with my best friend who just happens to be my husband. My life didn’t end when I got married, it’s just beginning.
Honestly this list is pathetic and shallow. What a joke. Your advice is to be selfish, immoral and eat a lot of junk. Solid life! Not. What about helping other people and living your life OUTWARDLY for others, what about self-sacrifice, hard work and values? This generation, which I am sadly apart of, only thinks of themselves. If getting married is the sad choice in life but hanging around naked and making out with strangers is awesome, then all I can say is that maybe girls should stop looking to Miley Cyrus as a role model and grow up and become classy, grace filled women instead.
Oh, and dating two people at the same time… aka cheating….what a wonderful thing to have a bucket list…no wonder you can’t get a serious relationship…(and btw, people can do this too, while they are married, along with the other 22 things you posted). SMH
Wow I can understand why a lot of people have said they disliked this, both engaged 23 and under and single. She stated she has never been engaged or even in a serious relationship, so how can she write so badly about something she has never experienced? In the words of my idol, Marilyn Monroe , “A career is wonderful, but you can’t cuddle with it & it won’t keep you warm on a cold night”. It’s sooo true! Look at someone like Marilyn Monroe-she traveled around the world, did everything anyone could ever place on a bucket list, and she died so lonely and sad with the lack of positive relationships and companionship in her life. We NEED love, we NEED people & each other to get through life happily. It’s not a cop-out & it’s not being cowardly. Heck, embracing love can be absolutely TERRIFYING!!! For me, being single and alone was always my way of running away from another possible heart break. It was so much easier….so much safer! The courage to love…now that’s bravery! Who are we to judge people just because they are married young? Who are we to judge someone who has found love? You stated YOU don’t know yourself enough to get married. I agree, marriage is a HUGE, permanent deal, but maybe those people who are together have found themselves. I have friends who are 23, have a Bachelor’s Degree & are traveling the country. They had a baby & are NOT fat. In fact, you don’t know love until you have had a child. My point is, don’t stomp all over something beautiful until you have experienced it yourself, because a year from now, YOU may be the YOUNG adult, in love & engaged.
http://hannahkrisheq.blogspot.com/
Check out my response to this post. It meant to take a step back from personal preference of single or married life, though my opinion is posted at the very end, and to encourage young women to do what you think best fits you.
A typical young inexperienced and naive western thinker…tell me you agree with all you’ve said in 10 years.
Ps, if your going to have a family it’s a shit load easier on the female body the younger it is, the risks of problems for mother and child grow exponentially with every year…
Pps I’m 24, traveled the world, bought a house, married and have started my family, maybe your slow and need to catchup with others.
this is great! i’m so happy i stumbled upon it because i completely agree with you. meet you in the Philippines for chinese new year? okay!! — sara via lizandsara two girls one blog.
I have been telling my (18 year old) daughter this her whole life and I am pretty sure she gets it. We will see when she is 23. LOL! I love what you wrote! Tomorrow is my daughter’s 19th Birthday and I plan to print this out and give it to her. PS We would love to meet you in the Philippines for Chinese New Year! Haven’t been there in many years. Passports are ready! 🙂
Awesome post
I LOVE THIS. I’m honestly just against marriage in general though, I see it as a simple piece of paper that just makes things more complicated.
I’m interested to hear why you’re against marriage?? In my post, I share why I think marriage is actually a wonderful thing…
http://karenveenstra.com/2014/01/07/is-marriage-a-cop-out/
You are awesome! I totally want to go with you! I want to wonder and explore the world with nothing holding me down to any place other than good memories. Try also Sweden and Norway it’s a unique experience!
There’s no other way to put it but, you are so cool! And whilst a few steps ahead of me, going in the exact direction I’m aiming for. This was fantastic to read just as an enthusiasm boost not to mention filling my head with the temptation of getting a tattoo… I truly hope I find like minded people like yourself on my journey to wherever. I hope yours is filled with fulfilment and happiness 🙂 x
A very well written article. You go girl! Be yourself, have fun and find love in your own due time. Until then enjoy a class of whiskey in the Phillippines for me and all those ladies out there that are blessed with critical thinking skills, a need of independence and a right to create our own happiness! Cheers!
This is so ridiculous. “I’m spending someone’s money by traveling the world and therefore I am better than you, because you are married or engaged.” This article is rude, poorly written, and immature. I’m 21, not engaged, not married, and childless. I do not believe one’s happiness should rely upon another person. I do believe other people have the power to make you happy, which I’m sure you would agree with unless you’re a total idiot. You are basically saying that you are creating your own happiness, and you are doing that by not being in a serious or long term relationship. There is obviously something wrong with that picture. By saying other people are creating their happiness by being married or engaged, you are saying your happiness relies upon NOT being married or engaged. You are literally the definition of a bully: putting a large group of people down to make yourself feel better about your insecurities. I hope you are having diarrhea in the Philippines. XOXO
Reblogged this on blog.
Wow all I can say is wow. I was married at 20 years old. A week after our marriage we bought a home. 2 years later we welcomed a baby girl into the world. I love my life as mom and wife! I wouldn’t change a single moment. Life is not over after marriage, it’s just begun! Life is over only when you stop trying! I am in school on my way to completing a degree in elementary education. I intend to then teach English overseas. I can not wait to see what is in store for the rest of my life with my husband and daughter by my side. I completed most of your list before I was out of high school. Like you can’t do cross fit or eat nutella or walk around naked while you are married… SMH…
Reblogged this on Loyal,Laughs,and Mischief.
“But then I look at my life, my relationships, and my future… and I realize that, I’m fucking awesome. It literally isn’t me, it’s them.
I have begun to notice a common thread amongst all these young unions: inexperience. Inexperience with dating, traveling, risks, higher education, career direction, SEX, solitude, religious exploration, etc… and it’s insane that I have already experienced more of the world in the last 22 years than my married peers will ever experience in their life.”
I am glad you have high self-esteem, really. You LOVE yourself and that is great! We all should feel great about ourselves. I also like to think that “i’m fucking awesome”. I am 24, married, have a MASTERS degree, own a house, a career that is JUST beginning,(but far from where I want to be,) and I am booking my summer travels abroad. I also moved to a new state to start my new life. My husband is a different religion than my own so I have done PLENTY of religious exploration.
I get it, you want people to live a little before settling down and getting married. BUT being married does not mean that you are missing out on the world. It just means that I will always have a partner in crime when I need. I go out with my friends just like my single counterparts. Some people know what they want in life at a younger age, others it takes a while to figure out. I respect that. But I do not respect people who place judgement on others life-style because they do not agree with it.
I’m 24 and married. I do not know who gave you the idea that being married mean you cannot have fun because you are SADLY mistaken. I have a life with and without my husband. It’s not uncommon for me to go out WITH friend. (GASP!!) WE have fun together AND apart. I have also done ALL of the things on your list except making out with a stranger and dating two guys at once. And NOT everyone who is married wants to get “knocked up and fat soooon”. I would rather spend my 20’s TRAVELING and figuring out my life. I just happen to have my best friend along with me on the ride making fun of people like you who think they know everything about being an adult. Do not get me wrong, marriage is not for everyone, and if you want to be single and partying your whole life, by all means do what makes you happy. But know while you are up looking through who is hot on Tinder (or whatever social media you people use), I am busy making real memories with my husband.
‘But know while you are up looking through who is hot on Tinder (or whatever social media you people use), I am busy making real memories with my husband.’
I see 2 options here -1) getting married, and 2) being single and partying my whole life. So what you’re saying is if I want to have any ‘real’ memories in the future I pretty much have to get married asap, yes??
I happen to have very real memories with all my tinder hook-ups thank you very much, and all ‘us people’ you refer to don’t deserve to be ridiculed by some person who thinks they’ve got it all.
I am 50 and separated. This article really has nothing to do with me. I came to it because I read another excellent blog by this blogger about 20 things she learned about China. However, I was engaged before I was 23. It didn’t happen because of religious reasons on his side, but I think that marriage might have worked. No knowing for sure. Also, I was married at 40 and that did not work out.
Since the age of 18 I have lived alone (or under my own care, at least). I am quite self-reliant. Before, during, and after my marriage, if I needed something done, such as a tire changed, a shelf hung, IKEA put together, etc., etc., I did it myself. At the age of 30 I moved to the other side of the world to a country where I didn’t know the language. From there I moved to a country where I didn’t know the alphabet. From there, I moved to a country that doesn’t have an alphabet.
My point is that with age and experience comes understanding and a perspective to see things for what they are. I think the blogger is referring to people, like herself, who are too young to know that they are too young to know that that they are not ready for such a commitment. You have to admit that statistics support her point. That is not to say that 20-somethings cannot be ready to be married to the same person for the rest of their lives. My brother and his wife met in high school and married at about 23. Now, 25 years later, they are probably the happiest married couple I have ever known. I, on the other hand, was a month shy of 41 when I married and we see how that turned out.
Having said that, I pray that my 7 year old daughter waits to at least the age of 28 before she gets married. These days we just have so much growing to do before we can be ready to be who we need to be in a life-long marriage, and most of us do not do that amount of growing by the age of 23.
As for your point about “making real memories” I want to say that my life is full of real memories from before, during, and after romantic relationships. I won’t try to compare my memories to anyone else’s, but let’s just agree that you don’t need to be married to make them.
As for why my marriage did not work out, it’s a complicated tale. Part of it was that before we married he experienced a great personal loss (his mother) and as a result he lost his way. I knew on my wedding day that I was making a mistake, but I didn’t know how to stop it. However, another big part of it was that I was so very happy on my own. I had arrived at a place that everyone can arrive if they never meet up with a person right for them where I realized that I didn’t need someone else to be truly and deeply happy. Those who meet people they want to and can spend the rest of their lives with are blessed. But those of us who do not can be equally blessed if we find it in ourselves to be so. My marriage to him was never quite as rewarding as my life without him.